Following The Dolphins
by BonzaiNekoNeko
Summary: This is a Re-post of a story by an author named Jay/ Rioni26. I'm listing it as Complete even though it isn't. I would never assume to finish another authors work.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is a story that I fell in love with awhile back. It was removed from Fanfic for some awful reason. I finally found it again and am reposting it just in case anyone else wants to read it. However as I have absolutely no writing talent and no author permission, I will not be completing this. I morn that is seems it will never be finished, but at least we have what we do right?

Following the Dolphins

By: Jay

Chapter 1

I stared at the rather dilapidated house teetering in front of me with a bit of trepidation, cocking my head to meet its slanted sway. _That _was the safehouse? Didn't look really safe to me. Somebody leaning on it just a bit too hard would probably collapse the whole thing.

And the steps. I eyed them rather dubiously, then gingerly placed a foot on the first. It creaked. Loudly. I pulled my foot back quickly.

Okay. No way was I gonna try walkin' up them and risk breaking my neck. Or fracturing my ankle. Or humiliating myself thoroughly.

I considered leaping the five steps. Calculating the distance from where I stood to the porch was enough to make me discard that idea; I'd rather not miss. _Really_ rather not miss.

Back door? Guarded by these monstrously huge bushes that looked like they'd eat me alive, braid and all.

When I found myself debating between climbing the shack, then dropping down the chimney, and just huddling under the vicious, man-eating bushes for the night, I jerked my thoughts to a screeching stop.

Then, I looked myself straight in the eye, took hold of my nonexistent collar and said firmly, _Okay, you are Duo Maxwell. Street rat extraordinaire and self-proclaimed God of Death. Just because you're going to meet four other guys who share the same distinction of being Gundam pilot as you do, does not mean they're going to try to rip you apart or anything. You're going to be cool, you're going to be a guy who they can work with, and you're __not__ going to mess this up._

I groaned. Yep. That was my problem. I mean, me: a skinny, eyes-too-big-to-be-a-guy, hair-too-long-not-to-be-a-girl, orphaned _street rat_. How could I not mess this up? And I wanted it to work. I really did. I wanted friends, and I...I was afraid I was going to ruin everything.

It didn't help that I already met one of them. And my reaction to _him?_ Heart-stopping terror. As a kid on L2 and a soldier, that kind of fear wasn't really one I was familiar with. I just became kind of numb, really, after seeing everything that the monster that sometimes masquerades in people's skin can do. L2 is really the sewer system of the universe...makes sense that we'd be the filth of the human race. Fear couldn't exist there. You did what you had to do. The rule of life and survival. In fact, most of the time, my fears didn't stick around long after I identified them. Someone once told me that I'd made the phrase, "face your fears," into a freakin' art form.

When I saw him, that night, with the gun, and the girl, I wasn't afraid. No, I was just thinking more along the lines of _What the hell is he doing?_

And then I saw his eyes. And for a moment, there I couldn't breathe. It just freakin' lodged into my throat, and I _knew_ my heart stopped right then, just for a second. I was so damn scared I couldn't have moved an inch if a freakin' tornado was headed my way. I've never felt that kind of fear before, so, in a pure Maxwell move, I went and shot the guy two times.

I mentally cringed. I'd be lucky if he didn't try to throttle me to death before I was all the way past the doorway.

And as for that whole hospital fiasco...well, I rescued him, I suppose, and helped him break his leg in the process.

Admittedly, I had been rather angry about his burglary of my poor Deathscythe, but I really couldn't blame him. Machines _are_ replaceable, no matter how much you value them. Life is not. Isn't that rather hypocritical of me? I'm a soldier, and I talk about how life is precious. Well, I never said I wasn't hypocritical. Everyone knows my rather twisted little mantra by now: I run, I hide, but I never lie.

At around that point, my thoughts were disturbed by footsteps. Alarmingly close to me. Whipping around, I caught a glimpse of somebody climbing up the steps swiftly, confidently.

Asian, I mentally catalogued. Ponytail. About my height.

And if the steps could take his weight, they could take mine. He probably thought I was some dim-witted idiot, standing and staring at nothing for who knows how long. Yeah, great start _you're_ off to.

Mentally berating myself, I followed his shadow into the house.

Cautiously, I continued further in and claimed a room that appeared empty. There, I dropped my things with a loud thump, and collapsed on the bed. I lay there for a while, rubbing a hand over my face, like I could melt my masks into my flesh if I tried long and hard enough.

After some quiet encouragement to myself, I ventured into the kitchen, only to have the grin that was so much a part of me threaten to collapse at the sight of another Gundam pilot.

And here, I was struck with another new sensation. Maybe it was the fact that he was a good four inches taller, or maybe it was that his eyes, green, I realized, were almost totally hidden under that thatch of brown hair, or maybe it was just that he was so horribly, oddly, silent.

I mean, there's somebody who's just not talking, and somebody who's just plain quiet. This guy carried the silence around him in a shroud, which seemed to say in great big neon signs, quietly of course, to _keep away_.

And this new feeling? I was feeling _timid._ _Timid!_ Duo Maxwell, and all that name entails, which I think I've mentioned already, simply does _not_ have timid in his repertoire of emotions.

And so that little voice in my head that makes me do all the crazy things I do popped back up. It's never really far away. I think it practically slavers in wait, ready at a moment's call to order me on another mad stunt. This time, it wanted me to make the guy talk. It didn't like silence anymore than I did.

I wasn't used to this kind of...calm. I needed noise, needed sound, because silence unnerves me, and so I fill the silence with words, fill it until it could burst.

He took a step forward, snapping me from my thoughts, and into action. I flashed him a smile, and stuck out a hand.

"Hey, how're you doin'? I'm Duo Maxwell. Pilot 02." I sort of trailed off after that, when all he did was stare at me from behind his hair.

Right when I was about to withdraw it, he reached out and grasped my hand. Then walked away. And stopped. And said, a bit grudgingly, "Trowa Barton. 03." I get the feeling he doesn't like to open his mouth much.

Well, at least it didn't seem like he hated me on first sight or anything. I just sort of got this neutral feeling. I sighed.

Okay, just two more pilots to meet. Hopefully they'll be more...approachable than the first two.

After exploring the house for a while, and not meeting anyone else, though I kind of hesitated on opening closed doors, I finally just plopped onto a couch and nursed a cup of hot chocolate.

While staring into space and drifting off into a nice nap, I was unpleasantly interrupted from my thoughts of nothing by a rather deep, growly kind of voice.

"Who are you?" The Asian guy from the front porch came around the couch to stand in front of me, and thus, treat me to a suspicious glare.

Yikes. I winced. Who taught this guy manners? Or, sneaking another look at his angry glower, maybe he just doesn't like me. Idly, I wondered why. I hadn't done anything to him. Yet. Sighing mentally, I acknowledged that it was probably the braid. You could tell from one look that he was one of those macho, manly kind of guys who saw my braid as a sign of weakness. And they annoyed the hell out of me.

Unfortunately, I was still struggling to climb from the depths of la-la-land, and unable to muster up just the right amount of rage, so I settled for a healthy dose of indignation.

And even more unfortunately, I didn't really want to get off to a bad start, like I said, and merely said in a drowsy voice, "Duo Maxwell, at your service." I would've given him a bow, but that demanded getting off the couch and I wasn't sure my legs were working yet.

And then, he looked at me with such...astonishment, that I couldn't help cracking a grin. "Yes?" I asked him.

"You're a boy," he accused me. As if it were my fault.

I couldn't help it. I really couldn't. He totally set himself up for it.

I looked at myself in mock surprise. "Why, so I am. How strange."

He stiffened. He knew fully well I was teasing him, and to stave off an oncoming eruption, I said, and quite politely too, "And you are?"

He looked like he wanted to take offense even at that, but couldn't find anything to be angry about, so said stiffly, "Chang Wufei."

"Cool." I offered him a smile, but with a pointed glare, he refused my proffered olive branch, and sat down on a chair. A rather uncomfortable looking chair. And, might I add, as far away from me as possible without leaving the room. Then he set out to ignore me as noticeably as possible.

Well, then. Feeling unaccountably hurt, I went back to hovering in the state between true sleep and wakefulness while contemplating the soporific effects of a warm cup of cocoa, which was quickly cooling, and struggling to _not_ be upset by the actions of the only other occupant in the room.

Sometime later, I dimly noticed Trowa Barton entering the room, and seating himself quietly – of course quietly! – on the floor.

It was only until the last pilot I had not met walked in that I snapped out of my stupor. For a moment, all I could think was, _finally, somebody who actually makes a sound when he walks!_

Okay, so I kind of slip around too, but it's nice to actually be able to hear someone coming. Relaxes my soldier instincts. As tense as I am, not being able to hear them come and go just tightens at my nerves till they're ready to just crack from the pressure.

And when he walked into view, I wanted to freakin' cry from relief. Luckily, I was able to control myself in front of Mr. Silent and Mr. Moody, but the smile I gave him threatened to freakin' break my face in half. I probably looked like a maniac.

He looked a little surprised, and his eyes lingered a moment on my braid, but smiled shyly back. Yes! A voice in my head crowed triumphantly, and danced a little jig. A response to one of my friendly overtures, and not a negative one, either.

He settled next to me onto the couch, not really close enough to be invading any personal space, but at least he wasn't trying to get away from me like I had just done something really, really, embarrassing. Like I had just vomited on the new, expensive carpet for no reason at all and the big, bad-tempered, and burly owner of the house was coming in.

I was lost in that imagery for a second, and for the first time, someone other than me initiated a conversation. I could have cheered.

"Hi. My name's Quatre Raberba Winner. It's great to meet you." He looked at me hopefully with those big blue eyes. They looked even bigger than mine.

"Duo Maxwell." I grinned. "Finally, some civilized conversation. You wouldn't _believe_ what I've had to deal with here." I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly. I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.

Startled, Quatre Winner laughed.

Chang Wufei sent me another surly look. I sighed.

Then we all lapsed into silence. An extremely uncomfortable silence.

I realized, with an odd pounding of my heart, that the last pilot had yet to make his entrance.

And because I was worrying at that irrational fear of mine, and everybody else was lost in their own thoughts, the silence remained unbroken until _he_ walked in.

At the sound of his bag dropping on the floor, my head jerked up, and I was frozen by his eyes once again.

The moment in which his eyes captured mine and seized it seemed interminable though it couldn't have been more than one or two seconds.

Then, his eyes swept past me, to make a scan of the room. And I could breathe once more.

At that moment, I made a decision. I had decided, long ago, that I would _not_ let fear govern my life, and I've become a little obsessed about taking the bull by the horns since.

I vowed that I would not allow H-Heero Yuy to frighten me anymore. No more.

I groaned silently. Gods, even my mind stuttered on his name. That's a bad sign. I _would_ fight this fear, and I _would _break it.

Easier said than done, though. I considered my options. How could I neutralize the fear he was causing me? That question stumped me for a minute. I reconsidered.

Okay, the better question would be, _why am I afraid of the guy?_ I hadn't yet examined my reasons for this strange fear of mine, just labeled it as totally irrational.

Daring a look at him, I was oddly relieved and disappointed when I didn't feel as if I were falling off a cliff with no bottom to comfort me. Just plummeting. Forever. A slight shudder ran through my body.

Okay, a pretty normal guy, I suppose. Brown hair. He looked a bit Asian, but it would be hard to determine without looking at his eyes. And I wasn't chancing that. In fact, I wasn't even risking looking at his face. He wasn't as tall as I thought he would be. Of course, the times I had seen him, all I remember were the eyes. But I dismissed height as the problem as it's never bothered me before, not even humongous, hulking, practically seven feet tall, three feet wide steroid-using hunks of human flesh. Maybe a little intimidating. Of course, all that did to me was make me mentally flip them off, rather than in reality. After all, they _could_ break me in half, and contrary to popular belief, I _do_ still have a little sense left. So, it's not size. With a yank, I pulled my thoughts back on track.

I didn't get it. What was it that scared me so?

With a start, I remembered blue eyes. And they caught me still. Amazing. I shook my head at myself. Even the memory of them makes my mouth run dry.

Okay, it had to be the eyes. Something about them scared me beyond human understanding. Well, hopefully _not_ beyond human understanding. If I wanted to rid myself of this crippling fear, I had to understand it.

My mental self uncovered his face and took another peek at _the eyes._ With a squeak, he slapped his hands back.

Ruthlessly, I forced him to take another look. And another. And another. Finally, drained, he just stood and stared at the eyes, still caught in an overwhelming fear, but too tired to hide from it.

I subsided into a brooding silence, as I contemplated those blue eyes. Vaguely, I noted that my heart was pounding madly, and started breathing slower.

Then a voice intruded on my thoughts.

It was him. Heero Yuy. I forced myself to say his name. Heero Yuy.

"I am 01." And with that, and a piercing stare at each of us (I looked down), he left the room. We all stared after him.

"He's a bit...abrupt." Quatre Winner said, his voice tiny in the stifling silence. I guess even Trowa Barton and Chang Wufei were taken aback by _hi..._Heero Yuy.

_You don't say_. I must've made some sound...I don't know, a snort or something, because he turned to me, and asked me, "Do you know him?"

Cautiously, I answered, "I've met him a couple times."

"Is...is he always like..." he made a motion with his hand, "...like that?" He looked at me apprehensively.

I sighed. "I don't know," I said a bit hopelessly. And then because that sounded _too _bleak, I added, "I hope not."

"What's his name?" Whoa. A full sentence from Trowa Barton.

Recovering from the shock, I said dazedly, "His name is..." I made myself say it _without_ any stuttering, shaking, or thus far mangling of the English language, "...Heero Yuy." And just to make sure, I said it again – without the pause. "His name is Heero Yuy."

And finally, realizing the danger of being swallowed by the sofa, I peeled myself from its cushions, and suggested, "Let's all go to bed. Missions begin tomorrow."

Silently, we all left to our respective rooms.

My last thought, as my head hit the pillow was, _Well, it could have been worse._ My mental self snorted at me. _Hey, _I protested weakly, slurring into street slang_, 's not like an'body died or nuthin'._

He raised an eyebrow. And I slipped away, into bizarre, whirling dreams of blue eyes that never ended.

My first mission was with Quatre Winner, and I thanked whatever divine spirit there was watching out for me. I even managed to refrain from pointing out the times it must have taken a day off or been too busy to notice a little boy on the streets of L2.

I didn't think I'd be able to stand a mission with either Mr. Silent, Mr. Moody, or Heero Yuy. Notice that? I've been making myself say his name any time I can. Now I can say it without my heart beating erratically or a stutter, mental or not. Aren't you proud of me?

Well, I amended my thought, at least not a mission with them now. Right now, I'm a bit too off balance, and spending time with somebody who doesn't coat his words with disdain (Moody), or keep his mouth closed as if his life depended on it (Silent), or send me spinning into trips of gibbering terror (Heero Yuy) would be a godsend. I had a sinking feeling that a trip with anyone of the three would get me a one-way ticket to an insane asylum.

The mission wasn't anything unusual; nah, it was pretty typical. Infiltrate building, retrieve document, destroy evidence.

My specialties.

It went off without a hitch: a definite success.

I thought it was rather disappointing. I had pinned all my hopes on Quatre Raberba Winner, and though he was by far the most congenial of all of us, we were still far too new to each other.

The whole mission was spent dancing around each other, and being so politely cordial that I wanted to puke.

After landing our Gundams, (I had the feeling he didn't quite know what to make of mine – it was darkly morbid, I suppose, for a soldier) we hiked back up through the trees and up the street in the fading sunlight.

About to head up the steps, we heard a voice nearby, and my nerves still stretched from the mission, screamed, _Threat! Threat!_

I whirled around to face it, whatever it was, detecting a hurried movement next to me as Quatre Winner whipped around with me. I thought, with a strange amusement, _Looks like he's still a bit tense too._

It was a man, a couple houses away, and obviously drunk. Distantly, I wondered at the reason for his current state of drunkenness. The neighborhood wasn't a bad one, really, and the worst you could really say about it was our safehouse, and the fact that half of the streetlamps on the street were smashed. Some kid who was really bored, probably.

Anyway, the guy continued his lurching walk, mumbling the garbled nonsense the inebriated sometimes say, and that make a world of sense to them and nobody else.

And then, I watched, with a sort of shocked sense of wonder, as the guy walked right smack into a pole.

Maybe I was just too tired, or maybe I have a sick sense of humor, but as I heard that resounding _thwap _he made as body met metal pole, and watched him literally bounce backwards, I was attacked with a sudden urge to laugh. Loudly. And hysterically.

I squashed it firmly, but it resurfaced, and before I knew it, I was snickering helplessly.

And even amidst my laughter, I was almost afraid to look up at Quatre Winner, whom I was sure would be wearing this shocked, how-could-you look on his face. For all that he was a fully capable soldier, I had him pegged as somewhat of an innocent and a rich kid.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I heard a light laugh joining my breathless chortling. When the sound registered, my laugh just kind of strangled on itself and I whipped wide, disbelieving eyes up at him.

When Quatre Winner saw that, he just lost it. I stared at him for another stunned moment; then we were both laughing like maniacs.

Somehow, leaning on each other, we managed to stagger up the steps and get the door open, before dropping on the sofa.

Every time we wrestled our giggling (yeah, giggling. I dunno why, but Quatre just sort of brings the giggles out in you) back into control, we'd look at each other, and start up again.

Shaking with laughter, he gasped, "...your face...you looked...so surprised...and the guy...he just...walked right into..."

"...yeah...I know..." I agreed.

"...did you see the way he just..."

"...hear the sound it made..."

Finally, we stopped, just too exhausted to keep at it, and just lay on the couch.

I, for one, was ready to just drop into a sleep that could have rivaled a coma, and Quatre seemed pretty beat too. Nothing like an attack of the giggles to reduce you to a wobbly pile of human goo.

"Time for bed," I cooed at him, grinning madly.

"Yeah," he smirked back at me (Quatre smirked!), and another giggle slipped past his defenses.

Mission: Complete.

Shakily, we levered ourselves off the couch, and supported each other to our rooms, beaming at each other the whole way. We probably looked like a right pair of lunatics.

This was, I reflected happily, what I was hoping for. This easy camaraderie. As I fell into slumber, I found myself thinking blissfully, _Can't wait for another mission with Quatre._

My next mission was with Chang Wufei.

Okay. What words shall I use to describe it?

Maybe...unparalleled disaster?

It began with a rather strained politeness on my side, and a dislike I just couldn't figure out on his.

I really didn't know what I'd done to merit the way he'd stare at me like I was some bug that needed to be squashed. In fact, I kind of figured that he'd be _happy_ to see my little fly guts smeared all over a window.

The guy just plain didn't like me.

I tried talking to him several times, and all that got me were glares and several rants that seemed to link "my insolence" to "injustice." Chang Wufei is totally obsessed with the idea.

I just don't get that guy.

The mission, again was a success. We didn't even really have to kill anybody. I think J and G and all those messed up wackjobs with the one-letter names somewhere out there were just trying us out. Their little experiments. I was sort of torn between failing the mission on purpose just to see what'd happen and blowing their guts out.

Anyway, the mission, so far as I was concerned was a complete failure, since the relationship between Chang Wufei and I was even worse than before.

I was angry, and frustrated, and puzzled, and I'd been downgraded from a bug to a piece of lint.

But I am nothing, if not stubborn as _hell _and I was determined that I _would_ make the guy, if not at least like me, then respect me and trust me to watch his back.

I _really_ hate being thought of as a piece of lint. At least a fly can buzz around your ear and drill into your measly little brain till you drop dead. And yes, I'm mad, in case you didn't know.

The next was with Trowa Barton. I really don't know _what _to call it.

We sort of just worked around each other, and all my coaxing him into conversation might as well have been directed at a stone wall. Actually, the stone wall would've been more talkative. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. Just a little bit. A teeny tiny bit that wouldn't fit on the tip of your pinky.

Once again, the mission was a success. I'm sure the mad scientists were ecstatic. Their little specimens under a microscope were doing _so_ well. Is that sarcasm I hear? _Hell yeah._

I really was rather depressed after the mission. I mean, at least there was _some_ change with Chang Wufei, even if it was for the worse.

I might as well have been a robot for all Mr. Stinkin' Silent cared.

That's not a good sign for a strong, lasting friendship. Nuh-uh.

That night, I opened my window, and prayed to the stars, even though I knew perfectly well they wouldn't answer me. But well, Chang Wufei was ignoring me so loudly my eardrums were ringing, Trowa Barton acted like I didn't even exist – and that really, really bugged me – and, well, soon, I'd be having a mission with Heero Yuy. I still hadn't figured out why I was so afraid of Heero Yuy's eyes.

It struck me the next day. Heero Yuy was still out on a mission with Quatre. Wonder why I call him Quatre and everybody else by their full names? Well, I just don't feel comfortable calling them by their first name so casually. It indicates a degree of closeness that we damn well don't have.

I was puzzling over Heero Yuy's eyes again, and then I realized that it wasn't really his eyes I was afraid of. It was that his eyes had _nothing in it_. Does that sound a bit unclear? It's kind of hard to explain. Well, it's like, when you shoot a guy, you expect him to show _something._ And I didn't just shoot him once, but three times. He just sort of ignored it and what was freakiest was that _his eyes didn't show anything_. They weren't pained, or surprised, or anything. I've never seen emotion in his eyes. They might as well be rocks. Yeah, that's right. I'm frightened of his lack of emotion. It scares me like nothing else I've ever seen.

Step one: Identify the threat. Step one complete.

Step two: Rectify the situation.

It's really a rather simple process. Of course, normally, the second step only involves some bombs or guns, which is a lot easier than what I'm trying to figure out. Human emotions are so much more confusing. It's hard enough having to puzzle out mine; other people's just totally baffle me.

I've gotta get him to show what he's feeling. I don't mind so much if his face doesn't twitch a muscle, but eyes. They really are windows to your soul. It's just...not right for your soul to be empty.

World, watch out. Duo Maxwell's got a self-appointed mission now, and it'll take more firepower than they have in the whole freakin' universe to drag him away from it.

Okay, the warning sign's out. Now I can proceed with a clear conscience.

Today Heero Yuy notified me that we had a mission. The guy's a machine. I don't think he's had more than a day's rest between missions.

Today was the first time I've spoken to him since that fateful day when all five Gundam pilots met. Okay, I didn't say anything to him even then.

Of course, I didn't really have a chance. When he isn't out, he rarely leaves that lab top of his, and just sits there, staring at the screen. Quatre and I were rather curious about what he found so fascinating that he couldn't leave the chair for more than five freakin' minutes, and we were kind of appalled when we found out that he was just waiting for another mission. After we discovered that, we were awfully quiet for a long while...

As I slipped past a pathetically weak security system, which _I _could disable with my eyes closed, I sighed. Another fiendishly uncomplicated mission. I was really getting bored with them.

Heero Yuy's voice crackled into being next to my ear. "02. Report."

"I'm in."

See, that's what our conversation, if you can call it that, was like. It basically consisted of him giving me orders and was businesslike in the extreme. And I, well I hesitated in starting any talk that _was not relevant to the mission_. My plans in getting him to open up were flimsy as hell, and I wasn't going to launch them until I was sure I at least had a 10% chance in succeeding. They weren't great odds, I know, but with Heero Yuy, any odds over zero were good. Better than good. They were a freakin' miracle.

I finished wiring up the bomb, and said cheerily to Heero Yuy, "I'm done. Let's get out of here."

And we did just that.

Obviously the mission (not mine, the other one) was successful. I don't think Heero Yuy would _allow_ a mission of his to fail. It just wouldn't, couldn't happen.

I was sitting in the cockpit, heading back towards the safehouse, when I realized it'd been three weeks to a day since I met the others. Seems a lot longer and a lot shorter at the same time. Just one of those random little thoughts.

Then I went back to mulling over one of my recent favorite topics. Quatre's self-appointed mission. You could have knocked me over with a feather when he told me he was fixated on _Trowa Barton_. But, he sounded so...wistful, and a little bit sad, when he said, "There's just something about Trowa..." and I couldn't help but encourage him. Even if I thought it was absolutely crazy and a certain failure. Of course, you could say that about me and Heero Yuy.

Trowa Barton, of course, has to this point, remained totally immune to Quatre's charms. But hey, if anyone can break through that silence of his, it'd be little Quatre. And if you squint really hard, Mr. Silent looks just a little bit softer around the edges, just a little fuzzier. And it's only been a week!

I grinned. Go Quatre! Work your magic!

Sighing despondently, I felt strangely envious that my mission wasn't going nearly as well.

And then Heero Yuy interrupted my thoughts again. "02. Status."

"Uh...Clear." _Uh? Uh? Yeah, that's great! C'mon, pay attention!_

I pushed all my jumbled thoughts away to the back of my mind, and concentrated simply on getting Deathscythe back safely. Before I knew it, we were back, and I was scrambling out of the cockpit.

Stretching, I turned, and met his eyes. For a second, my whole world narrowed down to them, but with a mighty wrench of my mind, I was able to drag my eyes away. Then, realizing how pitiful that was, I raised my eyes to meet his once again, and held them. I still felt like something had a chokehold on my throat, but I refused to look away.

I felt bizarrely vindicated when he looked away first, then examined me head to toe with an unreadable expression.

Now I felt like squirming. Okay, divert attention!

I grinned a patented Duo Maxwell grin at him, and gave my mouth free rein.

I'm not really sure exactly what I said, on the walk back to the safehouse, but I remember what he said.

"_Hn."_

"_Hn."_

"_You talk too much."_

I remember that he didn't just walk, he strode, and he always looked straight ahead. Not a movement was wasted, everything was calculated for the most power with the least energy.

I remember wondering if he'd ever just skipped or danced, just because.

I remember walking a little too close to him one time, to avoid a puddle, and the way his shoulders tensed.

I remembered that, and watched him closely after that.

I sort of had a suspicion about that, but it didn't _really_ hit me until the time Chang Wufei grabbed him.

I was passing through the hallway when I saw Heero Yuy walk past Mr. Moody.

Pretty usual, so I didn't really pay close attention to it or anything. No, it was the slamming-Chang-Wufei-into-a-wall that got me.

Heero Yuy stared at the poor guy groaning on the floor for a moment, and I swear he almost looked sorry.

And that's when I knew what he needed, what could break past that barrier of his. He needed a hug. Yeah, I know my train of thought is screwed, but it made sense to _me._

There _were_ several problems, though. Number one, how the hell was I supposed to give him a hug without ending up like...like hamburger meat? Well, that's the biggie. Everything just relates to that.

Even for a soldier, that kind of behavior is a bit unusual. I know, because I used to act like that, before the church.

The difference, though, was that I just totally avoided touch, and was reduced to a pile of whimpering rags if I couldn't run, while he answered it with violence.

Only people who've never been touched with any kindness act like that.

Which is why he desperately needed a hug. I just needed...to build up to that.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I began with just being there. I didn't touch him, just let him be accustomed to my presence. I made noise when I walked around, hummed, or talked. I smiled, grinned, chattered, and tried to appear as unthreatening as possible.

It took a long while for him to just get used to that.

At first, he was almost unbearably tense every single time I walked into the room (I engineered it that I would end up sharing rooms with him every single time – I've become an expert at maneuvering people around now), and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop talking.

The first time he said, "Omae o korosu," it kind of threw me, and I really _did_ stop talking for three whole seconds.

I knew what it meant. Funny, huh? There was a guy, a hobo, back on the streets of L2. He didn't know much English and his native language was deep and guttural and totally incomprehensible, but boy, did the guy know how to say, "I'll kill you!" He must've known how to say that in ten different languages.

So I gaped at Heero Yuy for a moment, pouted at him, and dove right back into rambling about...the advantages of shorter bookshelves, I think.

He stopped in his typing long enough to glare at me expressionlessly, and then said again, enunciating slowly and deliberately, as if I were deaf, dumb, and stupid, "Omae o korosu."

I scowled at him, and then proceeded to scold him very vigorously.

I think he was surprised.

After that, though, I decided to compromise, and then, while around him, I used my "soothing voice."

I don't use it much, just around little kids who are injured or wild beasts...that kind of thing.

It calms them instantly. Why? I'm not really sure. They just tell me I have a nice voice.

Around other people, though, I don't reveal it, 'cause it's too personal; it reveals my soft side. That can sometimes be seen as a weakness, you know. And these past few years, I haven't cared enough about anybody to call it back.

But, for Heero Yuy, who couldn't tolerate touch unless he was drugged blind, I could.

I was a bit rusty, though, so I practiced in front of a mirror first, pulling up images of wide eyes brimming with tears and trembling lips. Don't laugh. I didn't want my voice to creak on the first sentence or anything. That would ruin it.

It wasn't hard to slip right back into the rhythm, and soon it was like I'd never even stopped. Back when I ran a street gang, I could play it like an instrument: perfect dynamics, pauses in all the right places, honey and velvet.

I readied myself like I were going into battle.

And so, squaring my shoulders, I walked into the room. He tensed, watching me from the corner of his eye. I sighed slightly, and sat on my bed, leaning against the wall. Then, taking a deep breath, I began.

When he first heard my voice, he actually jumped, and kept sneaking glances at me from behind his labtop.

I garnered a lot of satisfaction from seeing him totally shocked.

I told stories that day. Fairytales, like The Little Mermaid, or obscure little tales I'd heard from all over the place.

My voice blanketed the room, and he actually seemed to relax a little. I felt like hugging someone.

He had the strangest look on his face for a while, this indecipherable look that I couldn't figure out. The whole time, he kept typing, but I got the feeling he was totally focused on my voice and nothing else.

And, then, when we left the room to eat dinner in the kitchen, he actually winced when I reverted to my usual voice.

I felt like the proverbial cat with the canary. The little fishy was finally, finally investigating the hook.

After that, it was smooth sailing for a while, and he got used to my presence faster than I ever thought he could. Of course, to me, it still seemed like an eternity. An eternity that lasted five weeks.

We _did_ have missions to accomplish, though, and sometimes I shared one with him, but sometimes, I didn't.

My progress with Heero Yuy was encouraging, and I needed all the encouragement I could get. 'Cause, well, Chang Wufei still hated me and Trowa Barton still ignored me more effectively than anyone I've ever met.

Things went on like that for a while, and you wouldn't believe how tempting it was to scream and pull my hair out whenever Mr. Moody or Silent walked into the room.

So, I was sickeningly polite to them, and concentrated all my attention on Heero Yuy.

The day I walked into the room, and he didn't even flinch, I could've whooped. The first step was finally done!

After that, I was kind of at a loss. What next? To be honest, I hadn't really been sure this day would ever come. I had already halfway convinced myself that Heero Yuy was a lost cause. But, then, Duo Maxwell's always been a sucker for lost causes.

But, well, he'd just proven himself _not_ a lost cause and I was left swinging for a couple days.

Then, I dragged myself back on track, and decided that since he was used to me now, logically, the next step would be to accustom him not only to my presence, but to me breathing over his shoulder, or me sitting so close I could lean on him.

For the rest of the day, Chang Wufei asked me what was wrong with me, and Quatre sent me some concerned looks, but I was high on my victory and I didn't give a damn. My mission was moving along, and I knew what to do next! I was practically flying.

Then I retreated to my room, and plotted. This step called for subtlety. I couldn't exactly drag up another chair and plop right next to him. I'd count myself lucky if he didn't blow my brains out.

So I waited for a chance to show itself. Unfortunately, I got called away on a mission with Quatre before it appeared.

We were investigating a new Oz base...G just really wanted us to confirm that it _was _a new Oz base, maybe numbers and a map of the place. It should've been a piece of cake. It wasn't.

It seemed like anything that could go wrong, did go wrong. The only thing good about the whole thing was that yep, we could definitely verify that yes, it _was_ an Oz base.

First, while creeping up on the place, the guard wasn't where he was supposed to be. When he wasn't there, Quatre and I grinned and muttered something about good luck, and we were just about to walk in, when the guy appeared right behind us. Apparently, he'd had a call of nature, and we'd had the misfortune to be standing in plain view when he came back.

We were on him like a flash, and we made quick work of him. It seemed like a small thing, nothing to worry about.

And it wasn't, not really. But all the little things started adding up. A guard who would walk past us right as we were about to dart across the hallway, a camera that we just barely disabled in time, the loud clatter it made when Quatre accidentally dropped his gun. By the time we were halfway through, the faintest squeak was enough to make is jump. We were both a regular bundle of nerves and ready to scream.

And then it happened. A guard surprised us. Again. I didn't get it. How were they sneaking up on us like that? Later, I figured out it was the design of the building itself. There were so many turns and the floor and walls were designed to muffle the sound of footsteps...perfect for surprise encounters.

Quatre was shot – not a fatal wound, but bad enough, and from there it was a ghoulish race to see if we could get out before their bullets made so many holes in us we'd be human Swiss cheese.

Near the end, I ended up literally dragging Quatre out of the building, and into Sandrock's cockpit while screaming at him to stay awake.

I escaped nearly unscathed, though my arm muscles were screaming after dragging Quatre the last hundred feet.

We made it back to the safehouse without any further...mishaps. Did I mention that we'd moved from the first safehouse? This one was smaller, hence the reason I was sharing a room with Heero. But, it looked a lot more stable.

Unfortunately for us, the others were all out on a mission that day. What are the chances of that? I really thought that some god was out to get us.

So it was left up to me to try to heal Quatre and I had to actually pry the bullet from his leg. It was ugly and it was a mess. I bandaged him up best as I could, and hoped desperately that he'd wake up the next day.

I stayed by him the whole day and a half, and it passed in a sort of blur. He would moan, and wake up, and I'd soothe him with my soft, calming voice, telling him everything would be all right.

I really hoped I wasn't lying.

His fever broke and I could breathe again. I _wasn't_ going to lose him, little Quatre with the dimpled smiles and merry blue eyes and tousled blond hair.

I dimly recall a voice telling me gently to go rest, that he'd watch over Quatre. I could've cried. I remember nodding tiredly, and practically sleepwalking back to my bed. Everything after that is kind of...blank.

I woke up the next morning feeling so stiff I was afraid if I moved, I'd crack a bone or something. I sat up carefully, and decided, I _really_ needed a shower.

So, I tottered across the hallway, and the feeling of water pounding my tortured shoulders was like heaven.

Soon enough, I remembered Quatre, and hastily finished my shower. I rushed to his room, and was stopped short by the sight of Trowa Barton tenderly brushing hair from Quatre's forehead. I stepped back as unobtrusively as possible, grinning like a loon.

Well, who would've guessed?

Not wanting to interrupt them, I cooked up some breakfast, and knocked on the door before bringing it in.

"You're awake!" I grinned at the drowsy-looking Quatre, and chirped joyfully, "Breakfast!"

"Make sure, he eats some, 'kay?" I offered Trowa Barton the plate.

He accepted it quietly, and turned to Quatre with a commanding glint in his eye.

Quatre opened his mouth to protest, and immediately had scrambled egg shoved into it.

I said cheerily, "Well, I'll leave you to it," and almost skipped from the room, grinning at the look of horror on Quatre's face.

I closed the door on the sound of Quatre complaining, "I'm not a baby, I can do this m-mmph!"

Things were lookin' up.

I won't say that things went smoothly between Trowa Barton and I after that, but there _was_ some improvement. On missions, we actually discussed briefly, sometimes, our options or plans, and I didn't get the feeling like I was totally invisible anymore.

We sort of relaxed into a relationship of soldiers who worked easily with each other, and though I'd kind of hoped for comradeship, I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

And I was closer than ever to Quatre.

As for Heero Yuy, I was finally getting a handle on my unreasonable fear, and looking into his eyes didn't cause any strange physical effects anymore. I still felt a bit of vertigo, but it was nothing, really.

My first chance to get close to him was two days after Quatre was shot. Quatre was still a bit weak, but he could lift a spoon, and glared furiously at anyone who even suggested feeding him. Luckily, Trowa Barton was entirely impervious to it.

Heero Yuy requested my report on the last mission, and I realized with a shock, that I'd totally forgotten. Other Duo, that's what I'd gotten to calling my mental self, cowered in anticipation for a blow.

Amazingly, Heero Yuy didn't rip me up over that, and instead, actually offered to type what I said.

And then, while explaining what had happened to Quatre, I was, all of a sudden, conscious that this was my chance. Slowly, I edged closer and closer to him; it took him a second to realize that I was literally standing right behind him with my head right next to his.

I prayed he wouldn't whack me into oblivion. No, he just faltered for a moment, and I could literally see him restraining himself from knocking my block off.

I breathed an unconscious sigh of relief. Okay, not bad for a first try.

I let him relax, and then removed my head from next to his ear. Better not tempt fate right now.

This step went faster than the other, since I guess he didn't have to adjust quite so much. He was already used to me, anyway, and my secret weapon, my voice, was definitely helping.

Somehow, during those three weeks, I started calling him Heero. When I first caught myself, I was stunned, but gradually, it just became second nature.

And when I accidentally popped out with Heero, for real, instead of Yuy, I was horrified. He just looked at me sort of funny, though, and let it go.

Those three weeks smudged into a constant stream of missions and Heero's face.

By the end, I'd done a mission with every single possible combination of Gundam pilots there was.

We were having a remarkably good run of luck; nobody'd been hurt since Quatre, and all the missions were pulled off without any difficulties.

Oz still hadn't quite figured us out and their security systems, which I've insulted countless times, were abysmal. God, but those guys are slow.

Guess they weren't used to five teenaged boys blowing up all their bases and hideouts.

By the end of those three weeks, I could sit so close to Heero that I was almost snuggling – without any tightening of muscles or twitching of fingers. The progress I was making astounded me. I could barely believe it.

I sort of dazedly proceeded onto the third step, and the most vital: touching.

This was the time when I had to be the most...delicate. In fact, the whole mission was sort of touch and go; no bludgeoning people to death here.

I was careful. I made my touches light as possible, and never in a way that might seem hostile or aggressive.

I began with tapping him on the shoulder. Totally harmless. When it was time for another of Quatre's gourmet dinners, I walked up to him, leaned over to insure that he knew I was there, and very lightly, laid my finger on his shoulder.

At the moment of contact, he flinched, and then was so still I was afraid he'd died of shock or something.

I kept my finger there, and my voice low and comforting, and when he stood up, it was like he'd never been physically restraining himself from bolting.

The food was heavenly. It was unbelievable how much Quatre had improved since the days of burnt eggs and limp, soggy noodles.

When we'd first met, none of us had been expert chefs or anything. Chang Wufei thought cooking was undignified, Trowa Barton...um, I'm not sure why he wasn't an expert chef but just take my word that he wasn't, Heero was only concerned with the bare necessities he needed to complete his mission, Quatre's old lifestyle had included butlers and cooks and he'd never touched a stove in his life, and I was an ex-street kid who wouldn't know the difference between any kind of food, only that it was fit for human consumption.

So, Quatre and I, after a week of unpalatable food, put our heads together and dug up some cookbooks. We very painstakingly went over the simplest recipes, puzzled over all the weird ingredients, and somehow managed to cook up something better than barely edible.

After a while, Quatre took to it like a duck to water, and I was skilled enough to cook that none of the others really minded my culinary talents. Though one taste of the way Quatre was able to blend spices was enough to spoil you for life.

Chang Wufei still frowned over learning how to cook, but he didn't waste any time taking advantage of Quatre's cooking. And I'd actually found Quatre teaching Trowa Barton how to make omelets one morning.

Heero ate whatever we put in front of him. I might be making progress on the tactile front, but boy, did I have a lot to work on.

Anyway, I think he was starting to catch on to my scheme, and was mentally girding himself for another touch, because the next time I tapped him on the shoulder, he barely flinched, and his recovery time was commendable.

And I had another reason to spur on my plans. We're boys, okay? Boys acting as soldiers, boys taking on the weight of the world. We have hellish nightmares. When Heero has his, the only thing I can do is talk, but most of the time, he can't hear it through whatever's going on in that head of his. There's nothing like a touch to break through a dream's grip, but try it when he's asleep, and I'll end up flying into a wall. I feel...so helpless when he cries out at night, and I can't help him. I feel strangely guilty.

Those are the times when I find myself thinking it's just not him who needs a hug.

Sometimes, my voice gets through to him, and he stills, and calms, but those are the times when I sit by his bed and just talk myself hoarse through the night only to find myself nodding off during the day. It's not really conducive for a soldier, who needs to be alert at all times, to fall asleep on the job.

But, he came to accept my touches – after nearly a month, and soon, I felt confident enough to do it in front of the others.

They'd all noticed the way I always seem to stick near Heero, and were all pretty curious. I wasn't going to satisfy their interest, though.

I imagined Chang Wufei sitting in front of me and blew him a raspberry. I know, mature.

It's just that, I'd tried really hard to get him off my back, but he just wouldn't accept any signs of truce and things were rapidly heading towards the point where'd we'd both be unable to hold a conversation without an argument. I was on the verge of just giving up and resigning myself to the fact that we'd never get along. I should be glad I'm so comfortable with the other three, really.

Anyway, we were actually going to relax that evening and watch a movie. Quatre and I had convinced Heero that for us to work at our maximum efficiency, we needed some recreational time.

He'd listened to us rather dubiously, but agreed. Can you believe it? I can identify some of his expressions now? Three months ago, I'd have stuck all his expressions in one box: totally unreadable.

Things were going swimmingly; the movie was funny, and the popcorn was delicious. I was sitting next to Heero, and the pleasant heat of his body sunk into mine until I was practically melting into the couch.

There was a rather...tense moment when Quatre tapped Heero on the shoulder. He'd seen me do it a couple times, I guess, and he didn't know, like Chang Wufei did, how violent Heero's reactions could be.

Before I could say anything, Heero had Quatre's wrist in a bone-crushing grip, and Quatre's face was quickly draining of color.

For a moment we were all frozen, and then Trowa Barton was hovering nearby, trying to tell Heero to loosen his grip, Chang Wufei was yelling at Heero, and things were a mess.

I shouted at them to shut up, and lightly placed my hands on his, praying that he wouldn't break my fingers in the state he was in.

"Heero, it's all right. Let go now. It's all right. He wasn't trying to hurt you. You can let go."

Slowly, he responded to my "soothing voice," and I was able to pry his hand loose. With a gasp, he dropped his hand from Quatre's wrist, and this time, I _knew_ he was sorry.

Then he did something I'd never have expected. He apologized.

It was very quiet, and he refused to look at anybody, but the simple fact that he had recognized pain and offered recompense was staggering.

And Quatre, though still cradling his wrist to his chest, grinned weakly at him.

Then they all looked at me oddly, and so to distract them, I started chattering about how _good_ the popcorn was.

It didn't work.

They didn't go right out and ask me what the hell just happened, but I got so many weird looks from them I wanted to bash my head against the wall. I felt like some kind of freak.

Thankfully, we gradually got involved in the movie, and questions were delayed.

That night, getting ready for bed, I gathered my nerve, and said, "Heero?"

He was quiet, but I knew, well, I hoped he was listening.

"It was real great of you to say sorry, you know."

And then he turned his head and _smiled_ at me. Not with his mouth, but with his eyes. They glimmered with that tiny smile for just a moment, and I was drowning in them. It was _beautiful._

I fell asleep that night with visions of radiant blue eyes dancing in my head.

I was somewhat surprised when they didn't all descend on me the next morning, but I figured Trowa Barton had convinced Quatre to refrain from asking, and Chang Wufei and I weren't on good enough terms to talk about the weather, much less ourselves.

That smile opened a lot of doors for us. When, he let me slip in for that second, past his defenses, he allowed me to lower mine.

Around him, I didn't have to talk all the time, and I could just stare at the wall, like I do when I'm deep in thought, and alone.

And around me, though I don't know if he realized it, he didn't feel compelled to always act the soldier; he sometimes answered my questions, and I was even privileged enough to catch two more of those eye smiles.

I was fast growing addicted with them.

I was woken up by the sounds of a nightmare. They're very distinctive. Rustling of blankets, restless moving around, sometimes whimpers or cries.

For a moment, I thought it was Heero, but then I remembered that number one, I was on a mission. Number two, it was a mission with Trowa Barton, and number three, that meant that the nightmare had to be his.

I was totally at sea. Trowa Barton? Having toss-and-turn nightmares? I was aghast. I'd known, consciously, that it was probable that all five of us were subject to nightmares, but subconsciously, I just couldn't make myself believe it.

It took another quiet, anguished 'no, please, no' from the bunk across the room to throw me out my funk and I found myself slipping over and lightly shaking him awake.

"Shhh. It's all right. You just had a bad dream. Go back to sleep."

My "soothing voice" has really been getting a workout lately. Since he wasn't Heero, I felt secure enough to smooth his hair away from his face for a moment; the soothing gesture of all soothing gestures.

When Trowa Barton's breathing evened out again, I went back to my bed tiredly and nestled into the covers. _Hopefully, he'll just think the whole thing was a dream tomorrow._

Otherwise, things are going to be uncomfortable as hell. Nightmares can be a very touchy subject.

Sadly, he _did_ remember it, and it _was_ exceedingly uncomfortable the next day.

For a while, we danced around the subject, and he barely spoke, only grunted a reply every once in a while to something I said. He refused to look at me at all.

Finally, I gave up just as we were approaching the safehouse, and told him forthrightly, "You know, you're not the only one with nightmares."

I opened the door, paused, and gave him what I hoped was a sympathetic smile before walking in.

After that, it was like a switch had been flicked. Before, the air between us had still been rather cool, like that between mere acquaintances, but after that, it changed.

It became more friendly, and open, and once I caught him giving a small grin at one of those countless jokes I crack everyday.

Soon, I found myself calling him Trowa.

Once, I'd even called him Mr. Silent to his face, and he'd just laughed it off.

And that's when I knew I'd made another friend out of a Gundam pilot. I celebrated wildly that night until Heero had to threaten to use tranquilizers on me before I calmed down a little.

That successful occasion sparked my enthusiasm and I firmed my resolve that I _would_ get through to Mr. Moody, some time or later.

It would be a long time in coming.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The sound of someone standing in the doorway made me raise my head unenthusiastically.

"We have another mission." It was Heero. Gods, even _he_ looked damn tired.

"Again? We just got back a few hours ago..." I couldn't keep the pleading tone from my voice. Four months of nothing but missions and we were all dead tired. Ready to collapse. Too tired to even snarl at each other. I thought that if I had to blow up another building, I'd go mad.

"Hai." He must really be tired; he's slipping into Japanese.

I groaned.

"It's for all five of us."

"Joy," I grumbled.

"Another Oz base. Mission orders: to disable their Leos."

I grunted and pulled myself up. Even _that_ drained my frighteningly small reserve of energy.

We stumbled to where the other three pilots waited; I assumed they'd already been informed of the situation.

I nodded to Quatre and the others, and they followed us silently to the Gundams.

We were all in a state of total exhaustion; talking was an effort we weren't prepared to make.

I powered up Deathscythe listlessly to the sound of the others preparing their Gundams, and we all got ready to launch.

I let my thoughts wander for just a moment, and to mourn over the fact that I hadn't seen any of Heero's eye smiles since we first started this grueling, never-ending train of missions.

Oz forces had finally marshaled their troops, and the results weren't pretty. Four months of buzzing from world to world like our butts were on fire...silently, I implored somebody, _anybody_, to give us a week of rest to just sleep.

Our journey passed in a dizzying blur, and I don't even remember blowing the Leos into the sky.

I _do_ remember, however, in a moment of startling clarity, watching the metal explode in a burst of sparks, that _we had forgotten to plan an escape route._

In that moment, I cursed ourselves, Oz, and the mad scientists who drained their little soldiers so much we could forget something so basic. _Okay, that's it. After this, we're going to get a break, or I swear I'll go up there and break their necks._

Everyone else, apparently, realized this the same time I did, and, in a mad scramble, we agreed to split up and meet back in the little hut next to where our Gundams were hidden.

The gods really must hate me. Have I mentioned that? I think I have. Everywhere I turned, the enemies were there, nonchalantly smoking cigarettes, staring stonily straight ahead, chatting with each other amiably. It was seriously freaking me out.

I ducked, and dodged, and employed all my formidable stealth tactics to no avail.

No matter what I did, I couldn't avoid all of the Ozzies. There were several wild skirmishes between me and an odd few Oz soldiers patrolling the base. I flew at them with the last of my flagging energy, and as I ran on, I noted how my breath seemed to be coming far too quickly for a simple mile run. I wrote it off as a side effect of fatigue.

The hut came into view, and I nearly sobbed from relief. I slipped past the door as inconspicuously as possible, and just leaned against the wall for a moment. My legs were trembling.

Heero, Trowa, and Chang Wufei were already there, and all seemed to be in various poses of exhaustion. They didn't even look up when I came in. Bad signs.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Quatre staggered in.

For a moment, he seemed like he was going to just slide to the floor and drift away, but he lifted his head to give me a weary grin.

I struggled to pull my facial muscles into something that could pass for a smile, and then watched in surprise as the grin broke from Quatre's face.

"Duo?" He breathed.

I tried to open my mouth, really, I did, but my jaws didn't seem to be obeying my brain's feeble prodding.

"Duo?" This time his voice had a frantic tone to it.

At that, the other three gamely lifted their heads, and I stared in shock as identical expressions of horror washed over their faces, even Heero's. _Wow_, I thought irrelevantly, _he must be ready to drop. He's actually showing expressions on his face._

"'m alrigh'." Funny. My tongue didn't seem to be working right. Their expressions didn't change. I frowned. Or I think I did. Maybe they didn't believe me. Maybe I should say it again.

"Duo," Trowa said quietly, as if afraid I'd bolt, "you're _covered _in blood."

I looked down at myself. Well, so he was right. How strange. I didn't even remember being shot. I attempted to take stock of my injuries. Uh...maybe one in the thigh, and maybe one on my collarbone...

And then our attentions were diverted by the sound of pounding feet...right outside.

Chang Wufei blurted one breathy expletive and struggled to his feet.

The door was flung open in the next minute, and all of a sudden, there was a harsh voice yelling something, and bright light pouring from behind him. I cringed and tried to curl in on myself.

Damn. Oz soldiers. How the hell did they find us?

Then I saw their guns, and I was frozen, certain that they we were going to die. We were going to die soon, and painfully at the hands of Oz if I didn't do something. Other Duo sat, rocking in a shadowy corner of my mind, jabbering frantically, _We're gonna die, we're gonna die._ _Die, die, die! _I smacked him, trying to knock him out of it, but he was just reduced to moaning inarticulately.

My eyes lighted upon a shaggy black beard right then, and I was unexpectedly, painfully, reminded of a possum. Two words struck a chord in my brain..._play dead._

A painfully crazy idea caught hold of me right then. Don't blame me. I was so tired my brain could barely string sentences together coherently. To tell the truth, it was really, very straightforward. _They had to kill me because I was a burden. _Yep, made perfect sense to me. _I was covered in blood, after all. Then, after they tried to kill me, I could find them and destroy them. _I wondered at myself. Why couldn't I think of such amazing ideas when I wasn't dead tired?

Soft clanking drew my attention and I watched the others' hands being clapped in irons in dismay. Belatedly remembering my plan, I hid my gun behind my back. Then, as the guy neared my wall, I slumped. It was almost too easy to just collapse on the ground.

There was a muffled curse and I think I heard Quatre squeak.

As if from a great distance, I heard the sounds of people conferring urgently above me. The sounds filtered in and out of my consciousness.

"...hasn't got a chance..." Fuzzily, I remembered a guy with thick carry him..."

"...lost too much blood...moving him would be fatal..."

"...would you suggest..." This guy, then, was probably the leader of the soldiers nearby. Looking up, I could hazily make out the outline of a bushy black beard. I was taken with the absurd urge to giggle.

"...kill him now..."

I struggled to hide a grin. Yes, that's it. Now go away and leave me alone with my executioner.

I know my thoughts weren't really rational then, but, like I said, I was faint from blood loss and exhaustion. Give me a break.

I tried to lie there as limply as possible, and made myself breathe harshly, like I had blood in my lungs or something. My thoughts circled each other frantically, trying to concoct some reason to make them leave me.

The whole key to this harebrained scheme was for me to appear so harmless and barely able to move that they didn't even search me. Was it working? Probably. And it was far too close to the truth.

I was brought back to the present by the sound of a gun cocking. Alarmingly close to my head.

I raised my eyes slowly...only to stare into a black, forbidding barrel. Yikes. Brings 'staring into the face of death' into a whole new perspective.

"Wait." I winced. Gods, I really did sound like I couldn't raise a finger, much less defend myself against a gun in my face. I looked towards the general area where I imagined Bushy Beard stood and pleaded, "Please, not in front of them."

Quatre made a little choked noise. I was afraid to look at them, afraid if they saw me, they'd see that it was all just a ruse, and I needed them to be believable. Quatre was just...too open.

For a moment, I was afraid he wouldn't grant my request.

Then he rumbled to Mr. Sunglasses, who protested, but was overruled. I decided Mr. Sunglasses didn't like me very much.

A radio crackled insistently into life, and for a moment, all I heard was static weaving around an irritated voice. Bushy Beard cursed. I rose out of the grey place I was partially drifting in to hear him say, "Take care of him. You'll catch up to us later."

Dimly, I heard Mr. Sunglasses agree, and then I totally fell into the grey.

I recovered consciousness a bare minute later, but it scared the life out of me. I really couldn't relax like this. If I let myself slip away right now...I would die, and they would die.

We were alone in the hut, and Mr. Sunglasses had the gun back in my face.

Fortunately, he was holding it loosely, or what I was going to attempt would only land me a hole in the ground.

Marshaling my strength, I breathed deeply, and then erupted into movement.

He was so surprised he didn't even fire the gun. In that moment of shock, I had my gun up and pointed at his head.

He turned, slowly, too slowly, eyes widening behind those ridiculously large frames, and I blew his brains away.

For a while, all I could do was stand there, and think, _I actually did it!_

Somewhere in my mind, Other Duo was huddling in a small ball, shaking and refusing to open his eyes. I ignored him.

But then I thought of trying to catch up with a bunch of _healthy_ soldiers and wanted to just crumple to the ground and sleep forever.

Unbidden, an image of the other guys flashed in front of me.

Chang Wufei, who I'd fought so long for respect.

Trowa, who was like an older brother. Sort of in the background, but always there when you needed him.

Quatre, sunny little Quatre. My stand-in little brother.

Heero, who had the most beautiful smiles I'd ever seen.

All of a sudden, I knew what I had to do. I had to call on Shinigami. The other part of me. The stronger part, the crueler part. The part I blocked away except for battle. And that was only a sliver of him.

This time, I'd have to surrender more control than I'd ever thought of giving. I could barely move; he could ignore the injuries and tiredness. I wouldn't be able to wipe out an entire squadron of soldiers; he could do it, and do it with glee.

Even as I prepared myself, I hesitated. Brutally, my mind supplied visions of them dying in countless awful ways, and my heart shuddered at the very idea. To never see Heero eye-smile at me would be akin to dying, and the thought of never being able to ruffle Quatre's hair again just really tore at me.

I opened the doors of my mind, and invited him in. He came in excitedly, in a whirlwind of darkness and blood and adrenaline.

I retreated to the back of my mind, and let him take the reins. I could feel the energy flooding my battered body, and the pain that I hadn't even realized I'd been feeling was wiped out in an instant.

He flung open the door, and raced out, using my body with such grace I could scarcely believe it was me.

Trees flashed by in a blur, and as he lifted his nose to sniff the air, I was eerily reminded of a hunting dog, a deadly, eager one.

We grew near our prey, the sounds of their feet reaching my ears.

Shinigami became quiet, flitting from tree to tree, staying hidden. When they came within view, his triumphant howl resounded in my mind.

I retained enough control to warn him not to harm the four Gundam pilots. He agreed, reluctantly, but sent me images of tearing the others apart. I recoiled from his bloodlust. It'd been too long since I'd let him free rein. His humanity, if he'd had any, was drowned out by his love of the fight and the scent of blood. He was practically a damn vampire.

Then he was on them, and he disposed of three of them without anybody noticing. It was a small squadron...not more than a dozen soldiers.

Heero was the first to notice him, and his blue eyes widened to an impossible extent and I saw the smile again. Even with Shinigami present, I couldn't help but respond. I smiled back with my own eyes, a smile that I hoped conveyed all my joy at finding them still alive.

Then Heero pretended to stumble, and when the soldier holding his arm was off guard, kicked him in the nuts.

Ouch.

He couldn't help it then; Shinigami let loose with that laugh which makes my blood run cold. I noticed all the Gundam pilots' heads whipping towards me at the sound, and caught a glimpse of relieved eyes, before Shinigami nailed another guard with a knife in the nose.

Abruptly, it was a tumult of curses and blood and whirling human flesh.

Then it was Bushy Beard in front of me, and I watched sadly as he stared at me, comically surprised with a hole in his gut.

Shinigami merely sneered and remarked to me how kindness was not a soldierly trait.

I told him to go copulate with himself.

It was over far too soon for Shinigami. I forced him back, and stuffed him in the room in the back of my head that I mark with danger signs and caution tape.

Bending stiffly, I removed the keys to the others' chains from the dead guy's belt, and unlocked Chang Wufei's first.

I must've looked pretty damn bad, because he took them from me gently, and told me he'd unlock the others. I think I nodded.

Suddenly, Quatre was there, and barreling into me with a huge bear hug. I staggered back from the force of the blow, and patted his back dazedly.

He mumbled incoherently into my shoulder, and I soothed, "I'm not dead, I'm here. I'm alive. Don't worry, Quatre. I'm not dead."

He raised his head to look at me with red eyes and blurted, "When we heard the gunshot..." His face crumpled again.

Okay, I admit it. I panicked, alright? I was bone tired, and hurting; I had an armful of sobbing Quatre, and I had no idea what to do. _What the hell do I do NOW? _

Looking at Trowa, I entreated him silently to take Quatre because I wasn't sure how long I was going to be able to stand on my own two feet.

Quatre clung to me like a limpet, and it took quite an effort to loosen his hold.

Trowa took him by the arm compellingly and he slowly let go of me.

"I'm all right," I told him again.

Then he moved away, and I almost swayed. And somehow, unbeknownst to me, Chang Wufei and Heero were there, flanking me, each taking an elbow. I blinked at them.

"C'mon," Chang Wufei said, for once without a hint of derision in his voice, "let's get you back."

I grinned tiredly at him, and they steered me gently towards our Gundams. At least, and I thanked God for small measures, they weren't too far away. I felt unsteady enough after that short walk. The blood trickling down my pants was getting _really_ uncomfortable. I didn't really like thinking about it, though, 'cause if I did, I'd probably faint or do something equally undignified.

I looked at Deathscythe apprehensively. When Heero looked like he was going to ask me if I wanted him to carry me, I said forcefully, "I'll be okay. I can pilot until we get back to the safehouse." I tried to summon a confident grin.

They didn't...look convinced.

Trowa folded his arms. "You look terrible," he informed me. "How much of that is your blood?"

"Uh, not all?" I offered.

Chang Wufei snorted at me.

"Really, it's not that bad. I just splattered blood all over the place, and I wasn't even hit. I'm just tired." _Well, _I comforted my conscience, _not hit then. And it really isn't that bad. I'm not dead yet, see._

Quatre said, a little accusingly, "But what about back there?" He jerked his head. "In the house?"

"It was just an act," I assured him, "I wasn't hurt nearly as bad." _I really didn't have a hole in my lung, _I informed the part of me that shrunk violently at the thought of lying. Just to be more believable, I added, "And most of the blood was from other people."

They were looking at me really strangely now, and Quatre said, with just a bit of awe, "But it really seemed like you were d_-dying_."

I grinned at him and shrugged. "They always said I should've been an actor."

They still didn't look persuaded, but their anxious looks relaxed a fraction. I was extremely grateful that we were all so tired it didn't take much to sway us.

"C'mon," I said, trying to tease a smile out of their too-serious faces, "I'll make sure I don't collapse until we've landed."

Nobody smiled.

Finally, I just said, "You guys look ready to drop too, you know. There's no way any of you are going to be able to take care of me and yourself at the same time. Just trust me until we get out of here, okay?"

There was a moment while they deliberated over my words, and then nodded unwillingly.

Somehow, I clambered into my cockpit, and somehow, I squeezed my energy sponge hard enough to wring out a few last licks that got me from that Oz base, through space, and to the landing.

Unfortunately, then I had to convince my unruly body to unpeel itself from the chair. It listened to me really, really, grudgingly. I had the feeling I wouldn't be able to walk for days without wincing over a powerful ache in my muscles.

I lowered myself to the ground clumsily, and tried to ignore the clouds of grey and white that were encroaching on my vision. _Whoa. _A black thundercloud decided to make an appearance and was quickly taking over the fluffy white ones.

The others were staring at me with barely concealed concern, and I croaked, "Almost there." Was that my voice? It sounded like I need good oil job to smooth the creaking.

I started walking, and after some hesitation, they followed. Their eyes were burning holes in my back, so I ignored them and just concentrated on walking in a straight line.

I narrowly avoided a pole, and then the vision of that drunk guy who smashed into one flickered into my head.

I started chuckling, and soon enough, I had to stop to lean against the pole, my body shaking with muffled snickers.

Okay, now the guys were probably _really_ worried.

Recovering control over my treacherous sense of humor, I rasped, "I'm sorry. I'm okay."

I didn't look at them; didn't want to see the wide-eyed looks they were most likely sending my way.

_Yep, _they were probably thinking, _he's totally lost it._

I straightened and the black almost sucked me in. "Damn," I muttered.

It took forever to get to our safehouse, and by the time we were there, I was holding onto consciousness only by the last vestiges of my will. Spots. I was seeing spots. If I recall correctly, you're not supposed to be seeing spots when you're eyes are open.

I could literally feel them hovering over me. I managed to give them a strained smile.

We walked in...and then it happened. I fainted. I was gone before I even hit the floor.

I regained consciousness a moment later, and peered blearily at four big blobs floating above my head.

I blinked and it cleared a bit. Heero looked strangely pale...in fact, they all looked kind of white.

I summoned up another grin. Damn, but I really was dipping into my reservoir of smiles today.

Quatre spoke, and it echoed strangely in my ears, "The doctor's coming over. He'll be here in a few minutes."

_Doctor? Oh right, doctors are good. They heal people...as long as they don't go by one-letter names, anyway._ Finally, I allowed myself to relax, and the blackness swept me away. I didn't really plan on waking up any time soon.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Next time I opened my eyes, it was bright. Really, really, bright. Okay, I decided, back to sleep. Unfortunately, my mind decided that no, it wasn't tired, no it didn't want to go back to sleep, and it wanted to know what all the distracting noises around me were.

After a few more moments of battle, I sighed, conceded defeat, and prepared to be blinded.

Cracking open one eye, I was greeted with the sight of Quatre's head nestled next to my hand. Cracking open the other revealed to me Heero slumped over a chair on my other side. The distracting noise was Quatre's snoring. I wanted to laugh. Who knew little Quatre could snore like that?

I felt really touched and I just smiled a goofy smile at them until I heard another noise.

Trying to crane my neck to get a better view of the room did not yield satisfactory results. Ouch.

While I attempted to placate my screaming neck muscles, Chang Wufei walked into view. With a bowl of something steamy.

My stomach chose that moment to remind me I had been neglecting it shamefully for the past few weeks. I blushed.

Chang Wufei smiled at me. That brought me up short. I stared at him suspiciously for a moment, and then decided it must've been a fluke. And the food seemed far more important then, than any of my silly misgivings.

He levered me up gently – gently! – and proceeded to spoon some of that stew into my mouth. I glared at him, swallowed, and opened my mouth to object. Vigorously. Only to be stopped by another spoonful. I intensified my glare. Now I knew what poor Quatre felt like.

It went on like that for another five or six spoonfuls and I was about ready to explode. Chang Wufei just looked more and more amused.

I was on the verge of throwing a fit, when he nodded at the two people slumbering next to me and brought a finger to his lips.

I froze. Then it hit me. _That...that...bastard! That's blackmail! _At that moment, I really, really wished that looks could kill.

He was laughing at me. He had that funny little glitter in his eyes and he was biting his lip!

I growled at him. I couldn't help it.

And that did it. He just lost it, right there.

I looked away because if I kept staring at his grinning face, I would punch him. Hard. My eyes were ensnared by two blue ones, and I saw the telltale glimmer in Heero's eyes. He thought it was _funny!_

Powerless in the face of those blue eyes, I could only look at him helplessly.

So I did the only thing I could. I glared at both of them with equal disdain, stuck my tongue out, and stuffed my head under the covers.

Chang Wufei was really going at it now. I narrowed my eyes and wished spitefully that the bowl of soup would spill over onto his clean white shirt.

Quatre finally woke up, and I'm sure he found the scene he was in very disturbing.

"Duo!"

Oops. I'd scared him. He probably thought I'd accidentally suffocated myself or something.

I dared to lift my head up.

He just stared at me for a moment, and then squealed, I'm serious, he really did, "Duo! You're awake! After four days!" _Four days?_ I stared at him, eyes big as saucers. _I slept for four days?_

Looking at me fearfully, he asked me anxiously, "What's the matter? Are you alright?" He was talking so fast I was kind of lost. "You were shot in your left shoulder and thigh. Do they ache? Do you need to change bandages?" I just shook my head at him. And then, of all the questions he could've asked, the next one was, "Are you hungry?"

I groaned. Wufei was totally hysterical by then, and Heero was actually eye-_grinning_! Grinning!

While gaping at Heero's grin, which was incredible, might I add, Quatre somehow managed to get Wufei to relinquish his hold on the stew. Then, he...stuck a spoonful of stew in my mouth!

Okay, see, that was _really_ mean. I sent him a thoroughly outraged and humiliated look.

I gulped it down and sealed my lips, refusing to open it. I gave them a defiant stare, daring them to try to pry it open.

Heero poked me in the stomach. I squawked indignantly and got another bite of stew for my pains.

Quatre began grinning evilly, and with a dawning horror, I realized that glint I saw in his eyes was a thirst for revenge.

He smiled sweetly at me. "Don't worry," he assured me, "we'll let you eat by yourself in a couple of days."

While I stared at him, horrorstruck, Trowa walked in.

"Don't torture the poor guy," he chided. _Yes! Salvation!_

"But-" Quatre began, "but..."

"He just woke up," Trowa went on serenely, "and I'm sure he's not really hungry right now. Why don't you tuck him in and feed him later when he wakes up?"

I was horrified. _Tuck me in? Feed me later? The traitor! _I sent Trowa a look of unadulterated terror.

Trowa smirked at me.

"Wait...you _guys..._" I said weakly, "I'm fine, really. You don't need to do that. I-I..." I trailed off and looked at them imploringly.

They just grinned at me.

I made a split-second decision. "Okay, y'know what I'm really tired I think I'll go to sleep right now good night!" I dove back under the covers and began snoring, just for good measure.

Wufei started up again. My snores faltered for a moment and then _Quatre_ started giggling.

I felt horribly betrayed. Really.

Though it was really nice that they were all smiling and laughing together.

I couldn't help a tiny secret grin. Then, with a surge of righteous anger, I turned it into a frown. I still felt dreadfully, undeniably betrayed. Really.

I fell asleep with visions of pouring soup all over tiny little Wufei's and Heero's and Quatre's and Trowa's that shrieked in high-pitched terror while I cackled madly, parading in my mind. That's why I had that smile on my face. Really.

Quatre held to his word. For the next two days, they treated me like some kind of infant, and nothing I did, threats, glares, not even begging, worked.

I think they derived some sort of twisted satisfaction from gleefully spooning food into my scowling face.

The doctor was long gone, called away on the third day for some emergency case. Since all I'd had to deal with was a cracked collarbone and a hole in my thigh, as well as severe blood loss, from which I was recovering nicely, I suppose I can't blame him. After all, Gundam pilots heal a lot faster, and a lot better than ordinary people not pumped full of strange chemicals.

At least I won one fight.

When Wufei approached me with a bright yellow sponge in the shape of a duck, and a bucket of water, I was prepared for anything than what he actually said.

After he offered to sponge bathe me, I sputtered for a whole two minutes. He grinned through the whole thing and I had the bizarre thought that he'd asked me just to watch me flounder.

Finally, I just told him, point-blank, no. And again. And again. And pretty soon, I ended up sputtering again.

And he, the _bastard_, just sat, and watched me like I was the funniest thing in the world.

In the end, I grabbed that stupid ducky sponge, threw it at his head, and ordered him to get the hell out.

That's when I realized I had an audience. The other three guys were standing in the doorway, and I just knew they were laughing at me. _Again._ What was it with people laughing at me lately? I glowered at them.

Wufei got up gracefully, bowed, and said very politely, "Yes, sir."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He was making fun of me, wasn't he?

Halfway to the door, he paused, and said, "Would you like me to come back tomorrow?"

I didn't really have anything to say to that, besides a loud, emphatic, "NO!"

Then, I went back to sulking under the covers. I swear, I could hear them laughing even out there in the hallway.

But, today was the third day, and that meant _I_ could feed myself, _I_ could wash myself, and I _didn't_ need someone helping me to the bathroom.

God, that's got to be the most humiliating thing in the whole world.

I savored the feeling of a spoon in my hand, and the rush I got when _I,_ not anybody else, placed the spoon in my mouth, was unbelievable.

Then, I decided to take a shower. I was in Duo heaven. I exulted when the water washed the dirt away from my hair, and I felt like I was cleansing my soul or some sort of that crap. Unfortunately, heaven collapsed around my ears when I stepped out of the shower and exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. Then I put the stupid cast back on my collarbone, which I totally did not need. Of course no one listened to me.

I dried my hair and decided to leave off braiding it until I could actually look at things without seeing double. I passed over the nightgown, thank god, for a regular pair of jeans and t-shirt.

Then I wobbled my way back to my room, where Quatre was waiting for me. When he saw me, this really concerned look filled his eyes, and like a flash, he was there, supporting me.

We got me settled comfortably into bed, and then I could see all the signs of a full-blown Quatre lecture.

Hoping to forestall it, I said, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry." I sounded like a really grumpy kid.

Quatre subsided ruefully, and said, "I know, Duo." He tried again. "It's just that, you're still too weak-"

I interrupted him, "I'm fine, really. I just need some rest." I scowled at him. "Why do you guys keep fussing over me like that anyway?"

He looked at me kind of sadly, and said, "It's just that, when you collapsed that day...there was just so much blood..." He shuddered.

I felt sort of chagrined at that pale-faced look he was currently sporting.

He looked up at me, "You know you're our friend, right? You keep us all together, you know that?"

I stared at him, and he seemed to take that as a sign to continue. It poured out of him, like he'd been wanting to say it for a long time.

"I mean, Wufei might've not liked you before, but he really does care, something just clicked after he saw you, all bloody and coming to our rescue, and Trowa too. And Heero cares about you like he cares about no one else and when he saw all the blood I thought he would...I dunno...do _something_ and he was so pale it was scary. And you're like my older brother. I've never had an older brother. Do you mind?" He looked at me hopefully.

I was kind of dazed after all that. _Wufei cares? And Heero really looked so pale it was scary?_

I grasped my scrambling thoughts, which were prodding at the startling revelations, and managed to say, "No, no, of course I don't mind." I smiled at him, and leaned forward, as if sharing a secret. "You know what? I kinda think of you as my little brother too."

His eyes widened, and widened, and widened some more, and then he looked like he was going to cry.

Before I knew it, he was hugging me again. Then he let go just as fast and wiped at his eyes furiously and gave me a wobbly smile.

"Can...can I call you big brother?" He looked at me with such _hope_ in his eyes I couldn't have denied him my right arm if he'd asked for it.

"Sure." I smiled warmly at him. "Don't mind if I call you little brother, then, hmm?" I nudged him playfully.

The joy in his eyes was almost painful to see, and that smile certainly looked like it had to hurt; it was so freakin' wide.

We just sort of sat in an easy, brotherly silence for a little while, and then he left, saying he had to fix dinner.

I was left to ponder on those things he'd said. _Keep them together? As if, _I scoffed. _That'd be Heero, he's our leader after all, or maybe little Quatre, with his sweet nature. Or even Trowa with his reliability. More likely to be Wufei with his good sense (usually), than me._ I shrugged off that. He was probably exaggerating.

But that part about Wufei had surprised me. I'd known that Wufei and I had crossed some hurdle after that disastrous affair at the Oz base. Proof of that was that I actually called him Wufei, and not Chang Wufei.

I'm not really sure why, though. I gnawed on that for a moment. I pictured his eyes. I do that a lot now, since I first used Heero's eyes to figure out why I was so freakin' scared of him.

Yes, there was something different about Wufei's eyes. What _was_ it? And I remembered, all of a sudden, how I had wanted respect from him so long. That was it...there was _respect_ in his eyes. I grinned foolishly. Duo Maxwell succeeds in another lost cause.

_Heero cared about me._ That just brought this warm, fuzzy feeling to my chest. I hugged it to me, and fell asleep with the happy weight of his regard covering me warmer than any measly, old blanket.

God, that was sickeningly sentimental. I stuck my tongue out at my sarcastic voice and ignored it.

I woke up to the sound of someone knocking at the door.

"Mmmm?" I said sleepily.

"Dinnertime," Heero's voice came from beyond the door.

"Oh right," I yawned. "Gimme a sec."

Pulling back the covers, I stretched and rubbed at my eyes. "Okay, 'm coming."

Opening the door, I grinned at Heero, and realized with a slight sense of shock, that he was only an inch or so taller than me. He _seemed_ so much bigger. I marveled at that fact for a moment, before noting the way he was just plain staring at me.

"Is something wrong?" I ventured.

"No," he was quick to reassure me. "Let's go to dinner."

"All right," I said agreeably.

The pleasure I felt at being able to feed myself hadn't lessened any, and I relished every bite with joyful abandon.

After clearing half my plate, I finally looked up, only to catch Wufei and Quatre shooting me the most peculiar looks. I pretended like I hadn't seen them, and then noticed Heero and Trowa looking at me weirdly.

After another five minutes of catch-the-strange-looks, I couldn't resist asking.

"Guys?" I said tentatively.

They looked at me inquiringly.

"Is there something wrong with me?"

They all looked so...astonished at the idea that I laughed.

"Why...why would you think there's something wrong with you?" Wufei said, as if it were the weirdest thing in the world.

"Well, it's just that..." I poked at the chicken with a fork, feeling terribly embarrassed about the whole thing now.

"Yes?" Quatre prompted.

"Well, you guys keep looking at me funny."

When they just stared at me, I said defensively, "You _do_. I look up and Wufei's staring and then he looks down and then Trowa's looking at me and then _he_ looks down and then you and Heero start staring..."

I trailed off. Now I sounded like some kind of paranoid freak.

I sighed heavily and resumed mangling the food on my plate.

"Duo..." Quatre's voice broke my concentration and I looked up.

He looked unaccountably discomfited.

I stared at him, willing him to spit whatever it was, out.

"It's just that, well, we've never seen you with your hair down," he indicated its unbound state with the end of his fork.

Instinctively, I reached for my braid, and found, to my surprise, that it wasn't trailing to my butt in a smooth coil of rope.

Trowa cracked me a tiny grin. "You look rather nice with your hair down," he said comfortingly.

I blushed, and couldn't help noting Heero's almost invisible nod of agreement.

"And, well, you looked so _happy_ while you were eating." Quatre added.

"Is there something wrong with that?" I was back to being defensive.

"No, no. It's just that you looked _really _happy." I swear, his cheeks were practically pink.

I raised my eyebrow.

"What he means," snickered Wufei, "is that you looked like you were having s-"

Trowa clapped a hand over Wufei's mouth.

"It's all right," he smiled at me warmly, "I'm just glad you enjoy it so much."

"Well, he doesn't need to enjoy it _that _much..." Wufei grumbled.

"And _whose_ fault is that?" I snapped.

He looked at me, and all of a sudden, we were both remembering the terrible – for me, anyway, times they handed me, and my totally ineffectual objections.

I started blushing again. I couldn't help it. And _he_ started laughing again, that laugh that I'd really grown to hate when I couldn't move without someone pouncing on me and trying to make me 'as comfortable as possible.'

That hadn't changed. I still wanted to wipe that annoying grin from his face.

I scowled at him and pointedly looked away.

Trowa was grinning again, and Heero looked amused. The traitors.

Quatre ignored it and dove right into a question that just kind of burst out of him, "_How did you do it?_"

"Eh?" That kind of confused me. "Do what?"

"Everything!" He exploded, waving his arms around in an arc to emphasize his words, "the whole act, and rescuing us and everything. You shouldn't have even been able to walk!" He looked at me accusingly.

We all sobered up pretty quickly after that, and I thought about it. Did I really want them to learn about Shinigami, the other me? It's not really something you talk about casually; he's the kind of thing you only share with close friends, and only the ones who won't call you crazy and ring up the asylum for a straitjacket.

But then Quatre looked at me with that _pleading_ look in his eyes, and like I said, I couldn't have denied him the world.

"Okay, but let's go to the couch, huh?" If I was going to tell the story, I was going to tell it somewhere squishy and comfy.

He nodded, and we all migrated over to the coffee brown sofa, and I settled myself firmly into one of its plump cushions.

They stared at me expectantly.

I tried to go about it the less direct way. If I said it right out, they'd definitely think I was a raving lunatic. "Well, you remember the laughing?"

Quatre shuddered. "As if I could forget."

"It was kind of me, and kind of not."

That didn't quite cut it, and they obviously had no clue what I was talking about.

I tried another tack. "Do any of you guys have another kind of you, that you call up sometimes?"

They looked at me, incomprehension written on their faces, so I plowed on.

"Well, I told you I call myself Shinigami, right? God of death and all that crap?"

They nodded.

"Well, there's me, Duo, and then there's Shinigami. He's kinda a part of me, my dark half, you could say," I gave them a wry look. "When I fight, sometimes, I let him take a bit of control, because he's not afraid of death, and funnily enough, stays alive better because of that." I shrugged at them.

They were all listening to me with these _intent_ looks in their eyes. I eyed them warily. I hoped that wasn't the look people gave somebody they thought was a loony bin.

"Yeah, so I just sort of let him take over my body for a little while, and he didn't really mind the pain or anything so that's how I could move..."

Then I took the plunge. "And...he really does kind of like killing. He likes having the power over life and death, I guess."

I chanced a look up and they were staring at me again.

When they still didn't say anything, I knew I'd lost them.

"I'm sorry," I apologized in a tiny voice, "I know you're probably all disgusted-"

"NO!" They exploded.

My head shot up from my knees to look at them, and suddenly they were there and Quatre was hugging me again.

"But...but," I protested pathetically, "he..."

Quatre said firmly, "We don't care. You're still Duo, you're still our friend, _no matter what._"

"You don't understand," I said a bit desperately, "he's a part of me. He's like my darkness, and he's cruel and evil-"

Trowa bopped me on the head lightly and stopped mid-rant to look at him indignantly. "Hey, it's all right, Duo. We're all kind of weird. We're not going to throw you out just because there's a part of you that's a bit crazy." He grinned at me.

Wufei snorted. "That's not the only part of him that's a bit crazy," he muttered.

Quatre scowled and smacked him in the arm.

I could barely believe it. _They didn't mind!_ But what about Heero?

He'd been quiet so far, and when I looked at him, he seemed rather thoughtful. I searched him frantically for some form of...I guess, forgiveness, and no one was more amazed than I when I got it.

He reached out with one hand and I found myself watching its progress with wide eyes. When he took my hand, I couldn't still the shiver that ran through me and I was so proud of him I thought I'd rupture something. This was the first time he'd reached out to me, instead of me to him.

They'd forgiven me for housing a...monster. I wanted to cry.

I grinned at them all, and blinked my eyes furiously. When the pricking behind my eyes had diminished, I just looked at them and couldn't say anything.

"Duo Maxwell, at a loss for words?" Wufei struck a dramatically astonished pose.

I giggled; it escaped from my mouth even as I tried to force it down.

They were all smiling at me, in their own way, and things just suddenly seemed seriously surreal. Before I got shot, when we weren't too exhausted to talk, Trowa barely opened his mouth, and now listen to him! Wufei _hated_ me and now we were joking like old pals! And Heero, Mr. Stoic, was actually _smiling_! It wasn't just an eye-smile, if you can say 'just' about that, and his mouth was twitching upwards!

_Well, _I thought wonderingly, _I'd have gotten shot so much sooner if I'd known this'd happen!_

That thought just struck me as wildly funny, and I started laughing, and pretty soon, I was laughing so hard that I could barely breathe, collapsing into a pile of shivering giggles.

"Duo?" "Duo?" I was going to freak them out if I didn't stop soon.

I opened my eyes and forgot to breathe when I found three heads right above my face.

"Yaaaah!" I scrambled up to a sitting position, and they stared at me, totally mystified. "Guys," I sighed, "do you know how scary it is to open your eyes and see a three-headed monster?" I frowned at them sternly.

Now they were puzzled, with a good dollop of fear.

"Never mind," I waved it off. Then I realized something. "No missions?" I breathed.

I looked at Heero, and he said firmly, "No. No missions. I notified J of our conditions and he agreed. Until you've fully recovered from your injuries, no missions."

I whooped. I wanted to do a little dance too, but apparently, I really was still recovering, and my body decided at that moment to shut down.

So, I just went with the flow and burrowed into the couch, hugging a pillow to me.

Dimly, I could hear them talking about something, and someone picked me up. I cuddled into his chest.

"Mmm..." At first, his warmth tempted me to relax and let everything go, but then I recognized the fact that I was being carried, and made a token protest. "I can walk, don' need to carry me."

He chuckled, and I identified him as Wufei. Opening my eyes, I growled meekly at him, belatedly noticing Heero walking beside us.

"Heero?"

"Go to sleep, Duo." He eye-smiled at me again. I was ecstatic. That was how many times in the last hour?

Dreamland was calling, though, so I succumbed to its siren call with barely a struggle at all.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Humming cheerfully, I flipped the pancakes. Quatre was gone on a mission, and since we all concurred that he was the best cook of us all, with me in a far second, though Trowa was swiftly catching up under Quatre's tutelage, cooking was left to me. Trowa made a mean omelet, though, and generally we let him cook breakfast. Of course, he was gone on a mission too, so I was the one waking up early to stir up something up that was safe to eat. I shuddered. It was a small price to pay to keep Wufei or Heero from getting near the stove. They were _terrible._ They just didn't have _it._

It'd been one month since those taxing missions from hell, and we'd just gotten back into things a week and a half ago.

Those two weeks and a half of rest had been paradise for five weary pilots. We'd done nothing, really, but sit and talk and laugh and sleep. And eat. Quatre was there the whole time; his command of the culinary arts was becoming legendary among us. Yum.

We'd all pretty much gained back the weight we'd lost, and the rings under our eyes had disappeared until they were nothing but a bad dream.

My collarbone still ached from time to time, but it was just a tiny twinge that I couldn't care less about.

Wufei trooped into the kitchen and stared hungrily at the pancakes. It was a freakin' miracle that Wufei and I got on as well as we do now, considering our former animosity, but, I shrugged, remembering my first encounter with Heero. He hasn't killed me. Yet.

I sighed. We really are a bunch of screw-ups, aren't we? I shook my head and turned off the stove, then divided the stack. Let's see, five for Wufei, he looks really hungry, four for Heero, and the last two for me. I wasn't really a breakfast person.

Wufei already had syrup out. I grinned at him and he smiled back. He really was a pretty great person. I have to admit that.

Of course, he could be damned annoying, and he never passed up a chance to laugh at me. But, I consoled myself, at least it's not mocking, like it was before that last mission.

Heero walked in just as I was placing the pancakes in front of a ravenous Wufei, who smothered them with syrup. I winced.

"Good morning, Heero," I turned to give him his plate, then snagged mine and we all sat down to breakfast. I'd toned down my obvious enjoyment with eating to something more...bearable, especially since every single time Wufei had seen me eating too _happily,_ he'd started that stupid laugh. I would do almost anything to get that laugh to go away.

I'd finally got my personal mission back on track, and was back to tapping and light caresses.

It took me three days to realize that he was perfectly comfortable with them, and then another four to get over that fact.

I wasn't sure what to do next, though. Handholding was a given. Perhaps a few light punches, and maybe I could ruffle his hair.

My hands have been _itching_ to tousle his hair for the longest time. I can't help it. It's just so _ruffle-able._

His eye-smiles hadn't disappeared, for which I was really grateful, and though he didn't smile half as often as I wanted him to, I was glad he felt safe enough to four of us to actually do it at all.

He'd even progressed onto a rare mouth-smile every once in a while.

I watched him covertly, hoping to catch a glimpse of another one.

He cut up his pancakes efficiently, like he does everything else, and was done before I'd touched my second pancake.

Wufei had finally slowed down a little bit, and was using his last pancake to mop up the remaining syrup.

"We have missions."

I sighed. Our happy idyll had to end sometime. This would be my first mission since...well, you know since when.

"Wufei, J wants you to investigate a warehouse on L3. You'll get your mission details later." See, there was another difference. Heero was actually calling us by our names instead of numbers.

"Duo and I are going to go undercover in a high school. It's near an Oz building, where they reportedly hold one of our generals captive. We're supposed to break him out."

Bummer. A hard mission.

Pretending to be high school students _is_ sort of fun, I suppose. It's just a little strange seeing people your age acting so much younger.

I'd never gone undercover with Heero, though. I wondered how he acted. I stifled a smile. Probably like a freaky, silent lump.

Wufei's final click of fork against plate signaled the end of breakfast and I grinned at Heero. "You're turn to wash dishes," I suggested.

He sighed, but collected the plates and utensils together resignedly and headed for the sink.

Wufei stood up and said unenthusiastically, "I suppose I'll go prepare for my mission, then."

He had such a kicked-puppy look that I said comfortingly, "At least when you get back, Quatre'll be able to cook for you."

He brightened up almost immediately.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Wufei has _such_ a weakness for good food. And way too much syrup.

I enrolled under the name Solo Wellings, and Heero under Max Lowe. I felt kind of touched, actually, that he'd obviously gotten his first name from my last, and couldn't help grinning at him.

If he weren't Heero Yuy, he would've been blushing, and I delighted over the fact, but didn't push it.

Just grinned madly at him every single time I caught his eye.

Their school principal greeted us at the door, and he looked like a total pushover. Owlish glasses, a weak chin, thin nose, and large, limpid eyes. He was balding too, though he couldn't have been a day over thirty-five. I felt like I was towering over him even if he must've been a foot taller. He just kind of slumped into himself and hunched his back. Yep, here's the rabbit of human beings. Okay, so that thought was kind of mean, but c'mon...the guy looked like a stiff breeze could knock him over.

His one redeeming feature was his voice, a powerful baritone. It was almost hypnotic, and I understood after that how he could run a school.

It did look damn strange, though, hearing that voice that should've been a talk show host's issue from a mouth that wobbled between a twitching nose and trembling chin.

In fact, I was so fascinated on comparing the two that I didn't hear a single word he said. I wondered if this was a common problem when people listened to him.

Our room was...nice. Plain, austere, and neat. It had a big window. And a bunk bed. A really low bunk bed. There was only about a yard's difference between the top and the bottom. I called the top bunk and Heero sent me a mournful look.

By the time we'd gotten settled down, it was night, and we were tired, so we decided to skip exploring in favor of doing it the next day.

I fell asleep with my braid dangling over the edge of my bunk. Just in case Heero wanted to hold on to it. He does sometimes, you know, when we're sleeping near each other. It's like his security blanket or something. It's really cute, actually. Of course I don't tell him that.

I woke up, perilously close to dropping off the edge of my bunk. I flailed wildly, for a second, trying to edge backwards, but my head was just stuck. I spent a frozen moment wondering if I was paralyzed or something, when I realized I could move forward, just not back. Peering downwards, I took in the situation, and sighed.

Heero was latched onto my braid, and I can only assume he'd rolled over or something, dragging the end of my braid with him. Hence my precarious position. It _was_ cute, really. Just damned inconvenient right now. No way I was going to get back to sleep with my head hanging over empty air like this.

Okay..._now_ what was I supposed to do? Trying to get Heero to let go of something he didn't want to was kind of like trying to pry open a bulldog's jaws: worse than impossible.

That meant I'd have to get Heero to want to let go. I felt sort of bad about that, but we both needed the sleep. We'd be spending some sleepless nights soon snooping around the Oz base.

"Psst. Heero," I hissed.

There was a moment of silence, and then, "Duo?"

"Um...would you mind letting go of my braid? I'm about to fall off the bed here."

He let go of my hair so suddenly I felt myself spring back a little, and I could just tell he felt guilty as hell.

"It's all right," I whispered to him. "It wasn't that bad."

He didn't answer and we both settled back into our bunks to get some sleep.

After hearing him shift uncomfortably for the fifth time, _I_ was feeling real guilty for making him let go of my hair.

He was never going to get to sleep. And neither was I, listening to him.

That left me only one choice.

I vaulted off my bunk, and stood in front of his for a moment. I could see his eyes glinting at me from the moonlight that filtered between the curtains, and I knew he was wondering what the hell I was doing.

I smiled at him, hoping he could see it.

It was warm enough I didn't really need any sheets, so I just crawled on top of Heero's bed, careful to make sure I wasn't touching him. He might be comfortable with touches centered on one area of his body, but it was kind of scary imagining his reaction if I went and snuggled up into him.

Still, he went stiff as a board, and hissed, "What are you doing?"

"Well," I said, trying to sound as placating and logical as possible, "this way you can hold onto my braid and we can both get to sleep."

The room was silent as a tomb. I don't think he was even breathing.

"Don't worry," I said reassuringly, "the bed's big enough that we'll both be fine."

Slowly, he relaxed, and I felt him seize my braid again. I took that as his acceptance of our...uh, location.

Then he said, "Talk to me? In that voice?"

Whoa. "Uh...sure," I said, totally amazed. I talked for practically half an hour, and he fell asleep sometimes between my comments on how low the bunk bed was and how Wufei was addicted to syrup.

I just stared at his sleeping face for a moment, and felt something stir inside of me.

"Goodnight Heero," I murmured, and closed my eyes.

It's strange, really, that he likes my hair so much, but I guess he doesn't really see it as alive (dead hair cells, maybe), and it can't hurt him...whatever makes him happy, I guess.

Oh well. It was pretty nice, actually, lying here with Heero's warmth drifting into my body.

I fell asleep with his breathing acting as a lullaby.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

You know, sometimes, I wondered how in the world Heero was able to escape being touched at all, especially at public places swarming with people, like school for instance. Well, I wasn't wondering anymore.

He had this creepy touch-me-and-die air around him that just cleared a path for him more effectively than waving a freakin' gun would.

Well, bully for him. Wasn't going to work on me.

He was gone when I woke up, so I reasonably assumed he'd be in the cafeteria. He was. And he had a space around him big enough to fit a good-sized sofa.

Whistling, I picked up a tray and rejected the French toast for the waffles, declined having sausages but happily accepted scrambled eggs, and snatched a packet of ketchup as the cashier rang up my meal.

Then, with a bounce in my step, I headed straight for Mr. Look-At-Me-And-I'll-Kill-You. People all around wrote me off as dead right then and there. I grinned. I loved stunning people. Bug-eyed expressions were just the funniest thing in the world.

I slapped my tray right next to him, and merely smirked as he glared at me. "Hey Max!" I chirped.

"Solo," he said grudgingly. Heero is _not_ a morning person. In fact, neither am I, but I was in a hyper mood that morning. Did I mention I like to shock people?

I chattered at him cheerily while squeezing ketchup all over my scrambled eggs. He looked at the mess of red and yellow with an expression of acute disgust. For him, anyway. His nose was wrinkling just the tiniest bit. Reading Heero's expressions really help teach you how to catch the most minute details.

"Ketchup on scrambled eggs?" He demanded.

"They're really good," I told him earnestly, "you should try them." I offered him a forkful.

He declined it politely enough.

"Oh well," I said with a toss of my head, "your loss." Then I stuffed the whole thing in my mouth and grinned at him.

He chose to look away, again with the little nose-crinkle. It was adorable. I felt tempted to tell him that, but decided I wasn't ready to leave the mortal plane for hell yet, and held it back.

Stealthily, I snuck a few glances at the people around me, and almost choked at their expressions. Bug-eyed it was.

When a couple bold spirits saw me happily eating breakfast next to Heero, and not skewered on the end of his knife, they edged closer.

Heero sent them an extremely threatening glower. They inched back.

I finished my Ketchup O'er Eggs, then started playing with my waffles. I don't know why I like poking holes in them so much, it's just one of my strange little quirks.

Sometimes, I pretend the boxes are windows, but they're so tinted you can't see through them. Poke, poke. "And the sun comes through!" I crowed.

Heero sent me a slightly frightened look.

I decided to quit scaring the guy and docilely ate my waffles without any further incidents.

Then I was finished, and an evil idea crossed my mind.

Grinning, I nudged Heero on the elbow. The stunned looks that garnered me were enough to keep my shocked-looks-count satisfied for a week.

He grunted.

"What's our first class?" I asked him. We shared all our classes. It's a simple matter for Heero to tweak the school schedules around; having Heero hack school passwords is kind of like using an atomic bomb on a cockroach when simple bug spray would've worked.

"Chemistry."

"And after that?" I said.

"Language Arts."

I sighed. He wasn't getting it. "And after that?" I prodded.

He glared at me. "History, Algebra, Physical Education."

I beamed at him. "Cool!"

He rolled his eyes at me infinitesimally.

Chemistry was _boring_. We got introduced, sat down next to each other, and then had to endure one hour of Mr. Baltzer droning on and on and on.

Language Arts wasn't much better. I don't remember a word that was said during the entire time. In fact, the highlight of the class was one of the more rowdy boys in back fell off his chair trying to escape a ferocious, terrifying, little bee. The crash his desk made when it smashed into the floor was incredible.

Some girls shrieked shrilly, and waved their arms around ineffectually.

I grinned at them. They looked freakin' ridiculous.

History wasn't bad. Apparently, this semester we were studying wars, and it was fascinating seeing how people fought way back when.

I almost stabbed myself with my pencil, though, when they mentioned us. Gundam pilots.

There was some speculation about what we were like, and I couldn't _believe_ some of the outlandish rumors. Ugly, disfigured, scarred, disillusioned, cruel, crazy, deadly, devil in a human's skin, cold-blooded murderers, psychotic drug dealers, uncivilized barbarians, inhuman monsters, criminals given a choice to die or fight, freakin' politicians, you name it. If it existed, we were it.

Heero's expression twitched in the most alarming ways, and I was on the verge of just throwing caution to the wind and either howling with laughter or pounding some heads into the ground.

Luckily, History ended before we got to that point.

Nobody really talked to us at lunch. I guess my smile wasn't comfort enough for people to brave Heero's glares. Ah, well. I'd take Heero's company over theirs' any day.

Algebra was shockingly easy. I mean, really, what can you teach two Gundam pilots about math that they can't figure out themselves?

I spent half the class doodling on the back of my paper.

When the bell rang, I couldn't tell if I was relieved or disappointed. I hadn't finished my drawing of Wufei having a pie whammed into his face.

Heero looked at it for one long second, and then eye-smiled at me. I was floating on cloud-nine all the way to the locker room.

We stripped and donned our uniforms, this hideous combination of yellow and red. Okay, the colors themselves were okay, just a bit too bright, maybe…it's just that I've always had an aversion to uniforms.

Why? Don't ask me. Same reason I despise strawberry ice cream, maybe.

It was almost uncomfortably warm outside, and I couldn't believe how Heero could manage to look so…nice in the sweltering heat and wearing the stupid uniform.

The teacher arrived, carrying a bag of basketballs. I grinned. Basketball is _fun_, and what's more, it's actually a sport I know how to play. Back on the streets, sometimes, another gang who owned a beaten, but serviceable basketball would invite us over and we'd just have a day of running around. Those times were few and far between, though.

Mr. Gordon was a pretty lax teacher; he just tossed us the balls, told us to form some teams, and play basketball.

I grabbed one and turned to Heero. He was looking at them a bit warily, and I faltered.

"Max? Do you know how to play?" I asked him quietly.

Almost as if ashamed, Heero gave his head a tiny shake, and I stared at him, torn between incredulity and feeling so terribly sad that he didn't know a game a kid from L2 did.

So, I pasted a smile on my face and said, "Well, let me teach you?"

When he nodded, my smile grew into something more real, and I caught his hand and dragged him to a court.

He was a bit clumsy at first, and a few of his shots went wild, but after a couple false starts, he…bloomed.

It was almost awe-inspiring, watching him learn the whole sport in less than fifteen minutes.

I shook my head. Whatever J squirted into him, well…wow.

I just watched him make basket after basket, and I probably had the most godawful _surprised_ expression on my face you've ever seen.

Unfortunately, even easygoing Mr. Gordon wasn't going to just sit and watch one of his students stare the class away, so before I knew it, we'd been lugged to join another group of boys.

Heero was exuding stay-away-from-me warnings into the air again, and I sighed.

I did a quick once-over on the boys standing in front of us, and was not…pleased with the results.

Typical jocks. And totally towering over us. The shortest one was at least a foot taller than I was, and half of them were unabashedly staring at my braid with a hint of a curl to their lips.

I could literally see Heero's hackles rising. Guess he didn't like the way they were looking at us any more than I did.

None of us wanted to break the increasingly tense silence between us, until Mr. Gordon yelled at us to, "Move your butts and play some _basketball!_"

I'd gotten really tired of their dismissive stares by then, so I set the challenge.

Slinging an arm around Heero's shoulders, I said, "How 'bout me 'n my best buddy, Max against you guys, eh?"

Someone guffawed, and the rest gaped unattractively.

I narrowed my eyes, and said sweetly, "Unless you'd rather not?"

One of the more reasonable jocks asked, with a raised eyebrow, "Are you sure you don't want another player or something?"

"We'll be fine," I assured him, "I work best just with my pal here." I grinned at Heero, when I realized, with a shock, that I had my arm over his shoulders.

Quickly, I moved to remove the offending arm, but Heero just sort of grinned at me, and I let it go, stealing half-guarded, half-astonished, and totally flabbergasted looks at his calm countenance.

Okay, I'm never going to get that guy.

I whispered, "Ready to kick some asshole butt, Heero?"

He gave me a tight little nod, and then we were squaring off in the middle of the court.

I decided to take the jump, since I hadn't gotten around to explaining that to him yet, and felt like a freakin' midget when I faced some guy whose head was practically in the clouds; he was that tall.

But I could jump higher, and as I grabbed hold of the ball, I had to almost clap a hand over my mouth to keep me from sticking my tongue out at him. I've really got to work on these childish urges.

Then we were off. Heero took to the game like a pro, and for every basket they managed to score, we matched it and more.

After Heero's third three-pointer, they kind of got that we _could_ play basketball, and play it damn well.

Before, their efforts were half-hearted at best. You had to hand it to them; they didn't _really_ want to pound us into the ground and bruise our egos that much.

But, well, given enough incentive, everyone got to playing like their asses were on the line, and I got totally caught up in the fierce game that set my adrenaline pumping.

Heero had this sort of feral look in his eyes, and I could tell he was enjoying it just as much as I was.

I could never get tired of watching him. He just split through the players like silk, and acted like the basketball was practically an extension of his own body.

The jocks were uncomfortably aware of the gap growing between our score and theirs, but, surprisingly enough, they didn't try any dirty tricks.

My estimation of them grew considerably after that, and I wasn't quite so brutal in stealing the ball.

At some point in the game, I realized we'd amassed an audience, but then Heero passed me the ball and my world narrowed back down to the wind whistling past my ear and Heero's grinning eyes.

The teacher had to call an end to the game to make us stop, and the score: 44 to 27, in our favor.

Then it was like snap! The world slid back into place, and the heat hit me like a blow.

I saw Heero blink for a dazed moment and knew he'd felt it too.

"Well, Max," I panted, "that was a great game, huh?"

"Yeah," he said, equally breathless.

Brenner, one of the jocks, came up to us and said ruefully, "I guess you didn't need one of our players after all."

I just nodded, deciding that rubbing their noses into the whole thing was a bad idea.

"Well, Lowe, Wellings," he said, eyeing the names on our uniforms, "you're pretty good, y'know. Definitely good enough to make the team."

The guys behind him agreed.

I grinned. These guys weren't half bad, actually.

A blond guy strutted up, not one of the guys we'd been playing against. Okay, now a preppy jock. Joy. "You'll have to get rid of the hair, then," he said scornfully. "No self-respecting basketball player has hair that long."

I resisted the urge to strangle him, and I'm really proud of the fact that I didn't just light into him. I was, however, going to give him a piece of my mind, until Heero spoke first.

"No, then," he said coolly. I whipped around, to stare at him.

"No?" Blondie repeated

"No." Heero said firmly. "Solo's hair is not to be cut."

I sent him a really, really grateful look for standing up for me. He did his almost-blush thing again.

"Aw, c'mon," one of the jocks I'd labeled as The Guys (meaning the ones we'd been playing basketball with), "you don't really have to cut off your braid or anything. Penn here's just joking." Penn, I assumed, was the blond guy.

"I am not," Penn said huffily, "the braid has got to go."

I felt like screaming, but managed a weak smile. "It's all right, guys. I don't feel much like trying out for the team. My mom'll kill me if I fail another subject." I rolled my eyes. _If I had a mom, she would kill me anyway. _God, having this "I don't lie" thing can get really problematic.

Several of The Guys sent me some sympathetic looks, and voiced their commiserations.

I tried my best hangdog look, and the subject was dropped.

Then we got to the whole male-bonding thing, and I ended up answering all the questions, since Heero was back to being silent.

Weaving a story of half-truths can be difficult, but nobody was suspicious really, and they weren't going to fall on little discrepancies like Oz interrogators do, so I just kind of relaxed into my Solo Wellings persona.

"_Do you guys know each other?"_

"Max and I have known each other for a _long_ time. We've done things you wouldn't _believe_ together." _Okay, that was pure truth, right there._

"_You move together?"_

"Yeah."

"_Are you best friends?" _

"Yeah, I guess I'm his best friend, and he's really a great guy once you get to know him." _Totally true._

"_Does he ever talk?"_

"Yeah, he talks. Not a lot though. I tease him about that a lot. But watch out, when he gets mad, he gets dangerous." _You wouldn't believe accurate that is._

"_Miss your old friends?"_

My mind flashed to Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei, and I sighed. "Yeah, I miss 'em."

By that time, we'd finished changing, they were all as comfortable with me as they were with each other and I counted the day a success. What's more, they didn't think Heero was some kind of psycho, like the rest of the school did.

Yep, things were good.

We slipped into our room at 0200 in the morning, having just finished scouting the perimeters of the Oz base and determined that yes, they were holding some kind of important prisoner in there.

That was a good night's work, and now I all I wanted to do was collapse into bed.

We both shucked off our clothes, and pulled on a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. I was all set for climbing the bunk, when Heero sent me this almost _hopeful_ look, and shifted to leave me some space on his bed.

Sighing, I climbed into bed next to him and let my braid be captured again.

The silence was heavy, and I could feel the weight of a question pressing on my head. Finally, I just said, "Heero, spit it out already."

There was a moment of hesitation, and then he said, "Duo, did you mean what you said about best friends today?"

"You know I never lie," I mumbled into the pillow.

"…so you meant it?"

I turned to look at him. "Yes, you are my best friend."

He had the strangest look on his face, and when I said that, his face cleared, and he smiled at me. Using his mouth.

I was frozen to the mattress.

"Are _you_ my best friend?" He asked.

"Yes," I squeaked, still caught by that smile. "Yes," I tried again, giving a little cough, "I'm your best friend."

"Oh," he said.

Then he cleared his throat, and said, his voice a little choked, "That's good."

"'m glad you think so," I murmured, and cuddled into his side. I was half asleep, okay? My brain was burnt out. I wasn't thinking well. Luckily, he decided not to rip my head from my shoulders and that's how we stayed all night. I would be totally appalled the next morning, of course, but he'd just brush it off, like he did sometimes, when I did something I thought was unforgivable, and I'd spend the rest of the day staring at him. But hey, the next night, he let me snuggle into him again, and for that, I was willing to ignore any strange behavior he might be exhibiting and just revel in the feeling of his heart beating against my head.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Wait, don't go yet, they're still there," I hissed to Heero, as we ducked behind a bush.

He slumped next to me, looking as close to defeat as I've ever seen him, and asked, "How many?"

I peered around the corner again. "Not that many. Just five." Then another walked into view and I swore.

"Shit! It's the one who tried to get pictures of us in the locker room!"

Heero muttered under his breath.

They turned to greet her and I saw our chance. "Quick! While they're not looking!" I grabbed Heero, and ran. He was really letting me get away with a lot of things lately. I'd tried to figure it out, but hadn't a clue why he'd let me curl around him in bed, or lean on his shoulder, or grab his hand, and now was not the time to wonder about Heero's weird ease with touching. We had an escape to execute. Ours.

We made it to another bush intact and I cheered silently. _Yes! Just another fifty feet and we'll reach our dorms!_

We braced ourselves, and then sped across open space like we had demons on our tail, and I'm not sure we didn't.

I heard a shriek behind us, but didn't risk looking back. We made the door in ten seconds flat and flung it open so hard I think we busted the hinges.

Then we raced down the hall to our room and slammed the door, locking it with a blissful click.

I collapsed against the wall. "Gods, what's _wrong_ with those girls?" I groaned.

"I don't know," Heero said, sounding exasperated. "I just hope they _fix_ it so they can leave us alone."

"Amen," I agreed.

We hadn't realized it, but after our first basketball game, we'd somehow acquired a damn fan club. I couldn't believe there were girls crazy enough to withstand Heero's famous death glare more than once, and even his threats seemed to be totally useless.

It'd been a shock to get up that second morning, and suddenly be bumping into squealing, sighing girls giving us soulful looks everywhere we went.

Heero's fan club was a lot bigger than mine, for which I was grateful, but I had a few damn tenacious girls after me as well, and after a while, we'd been reduced to running and hiding.

The Guys mostly thought we were hilarious, though some seemed to be kind of envious too. I couldn't imagine how anybody could be jealous of the situation we were in. Give me a troop of Oz soldiers anytime.

Okay, perhaps I didn't look at things like "normal" teenaged boys do, but, number one, I'm anything but normal. Number two, I'm a Gundam pilot. I _really_ don't have time for this. Number three, I'm a romantic. I don't really just want a tumble-in-the-hay kind of relationship, okay? And lastly, well, L2's kind of…scarred me for life, you could say. I'd seen some of what happened to the prostitutes there, and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. And nobody in my gang, or Solo's, sold themselves. It was an ironclad rule. I'd never even been kissed before. All in all, this contributed to my totally panicked reaction when the girls just up and appeared and started chasing us all around the school.

Heero probably wasn't any better. After all, he'd only just gotten used to showing the tiniest bit of emotion, and we all know how wonderful he is with touch. He might be okay with me, but I'd worked for months on him. In fact, his training was so oriented towards making him the "perfect soldier" I was surprised he even knew what girls were.

And that brought me back to _those stupid, annoying girls. _We just couldn't shake them. Everywhere we went, they followed. They'd come up to us at the most random times and ask if we liked them. Or send us the most embarrassingly pink and red gifts in the middle of class. Or invite us on a date. Bring cameras around in those tiny purses and snap pictures of us when we were off guard. We'd gotten to really fear those bright flashes. Really, though, sneaking in the locker room with a camera? That was just too much, okay?

Heero's bewildered voice interrupted my frustrated thoughts.

"Duo, why do they keep chasing after us?"

I sighed, and grumbled, "Because they like us and think we're hot." Or, more accurately, _think you're hot. They think I'm adorable. _Must be the hair and big eyes.

"They think we're…hot?" God, Heero really _was_ an innocent. He said the words so carefully, like he'd never said them before.

"Well," I expanded, "they probably think _you're_ hot and _I'm_ cute."

"Me?" I was confusing him even more, wasn't I?

He asked tentatively, "Am I hot?"

For the first time, I really looked at him. I'd studied him pretty intently before, but first, it was as the guy I was afraid of, then as the guy that needed a hug, and then as my best friend. So, was he hot?

Noting the hair, and the eyes, and the body, I decided, yes, he was damn hot. And I told him so.

"Oh," he said, and I could see the signs of his almost-blush coming into view.

He abandoned the conversation about him and pursued one about me. "You're not hot?" He asked, crinkling his brow at me.

The way he said it, you'd think he thought I _was._

"Nah," I grinned at him. "See my eyes," I pointed at them, "they're way too big for hot, and my hair's too long. No…I'm small enough, and cute-" I scowled at the word, "-enough for them to think of me as a lost little waif, probably. Someone to coo over." I made a face.

He looked at me with an unreadable expression. It'd been a long time since I'd been unable to decipher his feelings, and this one was really off the chart. His mouth was in a straight line. His eyes were…intense. His nose wasn't crinkling, and neither was his forehead. His hands weren't twitching, or fisting, and his shoulders weren't tense. I went back to the eyes, but couldn't stare at them long, they were so freakin' blue and focused. It was disconcerting, to say the least, to be the object of such a…burning regard.

I looked away, feeling unaccountably embarrassed, and when I risked another look at Heero, he was back to his usual cool self.

"So," I tried a grin, "how much longer do we have to stay here?"

"As soon as we get General Vasheli out," he grunted.

"Well then," I hopped up, "let's hurry up! I want to get the hell away from here!"

"Hn." I took that as a sign of agreement.

We implemented our plan that very night. Heero'd never admit it, but he wanted to get away from those creepy girls as much as I did, probably more, actually, since he was worse off. They might have adored me, but they fancied themselves totally-head-over-heels for him. And there's nothing more frightening in the universe than infatuated girls.

I felt a twinge of regret at leaving The Guys: Miles, Brenner, Garron, Ulmer, McKale, and Warner. You know what's sad? I didn't even know their first names, just their last.

And besides being jocks and Ozzies, they were pretty cool, and were kind to us, the two short misfits; one who was the epitome of antisocial, and his best friend. And did I neglect to mention the obsessive stalkers we'd somehow collected?

Well, that was something I'd be more than happy to leave behind.

Huddling under some bushes and sweating buckets, we waited for the guards to change their posts. I swear, even the wind was hot enough to scorch our skin. I cursed myself for wearing pants, and questioned what in the world had possessed me to wear _black pants_ in the middle of summer. Besides the fact that it was dark and I was so pale-skinned if I _didn't_ wear them I glowed so much you might as well have painted a stinkin' target on my back. Idly, I wondered if Heero's spandex shorts were more comfortable than my pants.

I weighed the advantages and disadvantages. It'd be like a second skin, so the sweat would probably soak right through. Was that good or bad? They were thinner than my pants. Good? Or bad? They looked better on him than my pants on me. Good? Or- I smacked my wandering mind back on track.

Heero tensed beside me. It was time for the guards to switch.

We saw our opening, and leapt from the bushes past the guards, who were too busy making small talk to notice two small, dark shadows flash by.

If we had to, we'd have killed them, but better not to warn Oz before it was too late, right?

This next part would have to be handled really precisely, if we were too slow, then they'd kill the hostage before we had time to get there.

Heero disabled the security cameras real quick; he'd already hacked into the whole system, and all he had to do was press a button. Simple, huh? Ingenious, too. I remember complimenting him on it.

We already knew our course by heart; we'd memorized it a couple nights ago.

Running unerringly through the passages, we veered to a stop outside a forbidding door with a lock that was enough to make the faint of heart pee in their pants.

Opening my box of specialized picks, I chose one after a moment's deliberation, and set to work.

It took a whole ten nerve-wracking minutes.

The door swung open, and someone sitting on the floor on the opposite wall looked up and stared at us, obviously surprised. His mouth formed a question, "Who?"

We came in swiftly, motioning for him to be quiet, and again, went through the whole process of picking the locks on his shackles.

He staggered up; I guess he'd been sitting for a while and his legs must have been practically paralyzed.

Raking an eye over Vasheli, Heero and I both came to the conclusion that he hadn't been beaten, and he hadn't really been starved, just stuck in a cell for a few weeks.

When we stepped out into the light, his eyes widened, and I just _knew_ he was thinking, _but they're so young!_

Even among our own allies, our identities as Gundam pilots were pretty much unknown. I grinned at him, and took his arm, with Heero doing the same thing on Vasheli's other side.

We were just leaving the building when the alarms started blaring, and we all flinched.

Tightening our grip on the general's arms, we sped up to our rendezvous point, where Heero had notified J to pick up our black haired escapee.

On the way there, a couple Oz soldiers blundered right into us, and they had a moment of scrambling backwards to stare at us that cost them their lives. Pow.

We still had a ways to go.

I heard the sounds of pursuit behind us. "Damn it to hell," I swore.

By this time we were flat out running, with Vasheli shambling between us, still getting used to walking without chains wrapped around his feet.

I caught a glint of something on our left, and hissed to Heero, "01! Down! On our left!"

We dropped, dragging the general down with us.

Above us whistled the unmistakable sound of a bullet speeding through the air.

I swore again. We were almost there, just beyond that copse of trees and we'd be fine.

"01! Take him to the rendezvous! I'll cover for you!"

He hesitated. He actually hesitated! The damn idiot! "Move!" I snapped angrily. What the hell was he thinking? "I'll be fine! Worry about the objective!"

He sent me a piercing look I caught even in the darkness, then was off with the general in tow.

I inched myself forward where there was a faint incline, hoping that would shield me at least partially, and began laying down fire towards the general direction of where I'd first seen the flash.

Several bullets answered mine.

Shit. There was more than one person there.

I waited, hoping to catch another glimpse of their position, and soon enough, I saw another flash. I wondered what the hell they were carrying to advertise their locations like that.

I drilled bullets that way for a whole twenty seconds, and then heard the distinct sounds of two thumps on the floor.

_Yes! Down for the count!_ Gods, they were stupid enough to be staying close together too. Newbies. Must be.

I really had to go, though, otherwise Heero would probably come back and fetch me. The stupid…_idiot_.

Just because we were best friends didn't mean he was allowed to lay his life down for mine.

I'm being a hypocrite again, aren't I? I could do it for him but he couldn't do it for me. Oh well, I already knew I was screwed up pretty badly.

I levered myself up, and took off, my neck prickling like hell, though no bullet bored through my back.

Once I broke through the trees, I collapsed, chest heaving.

Then, Heero was in my face and his eyes were snapping at me angrily. He looked like he wanted to hit me, and I closed my eyes in preparation for a blow.

Finally, he just grabbed my shoulders, and snarled, "You _baka._"

I looked up at him, surprised, and couldn't help but quip, "Hey, you took my line."

He ignored me. "Status?"

"Clear," I automatically responded.

All of a sudden, the tension seemed to drain out of him, and he just collapsed to his knees in front of me, hands still gripping my shoulders.

"You all right?" I asked concernedly.

"I'm fine," he said distractedly.

He looked ready to start yelling at me again, so I warned him, "There was nothing else to do, Heero. One of us had to stay behind."

"Then it should've been me," he growled.

"But it wasn't," I said exasperatedly, "and we're all okay now, so don't…beat yourself up over it, alright?"

He didn't answer me and I just lost my patience.

"We're soldiers, Yuy. So act like it!"

Okay, _that_ got his attention, and he got up stiffly. I still kind of got the feeling that my words hadn't quite…penetrated, but I could club it into his mind later.

Even if I was being hypocritical. But I wasn't going to tell him that, was I?

"Wing and Deathscythe are just over the hill," I said, clasping his hand to mine. "We're both alive and I'm not hurt, so let's go, huh?"

He nodded and I gave his hand a little squeeze. Unconsciously, I relaxed. I'd been half afraid I'd find him coming back to help me with a bullet in his heart or something. Yes, the important thing was that we were both alive. I could get mad at him later.

Even if the fact that he cared enough about me to be mad at me for risking my life felt really good. Best friends it was.

The door swung open for us; I guess Quatre had seen us from the window.

He smiled cheerfully, and asked, "Hungry?"

"Ohh," I groaned, "Hell yes."

"First," he said, putting his hands on his hips and looking at us mock sternly, "take a shower. You stink. After that, you can have some lasagna fresh from the oven and tell me all about your mission."

"Yes, sir," I said submissively.

We grinned at each other, and all of a sudden, we were hugging each other.

"Glad you're back, big brother," he whispered in my ear.

"Glad to _be_ back, little brother," I whispered back.

We separated, still smiling foolishly. I turned to take Heero by the hand, and found him watching us with the strangest look in his eyes, and a tiny little frown.

"Heero?"

The frown was wiped away in an instant, and his hand was reaching for mine.

"C'mon," I grinned, "let's go take a shower."

His hand stiffened, and his face froze.

"Heero? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he recovered, and gave me a warm eye-smile. "Nothing's wrong."

I swam languidly in the warmth of his smile and totally forgot any worries I'd had.

Even with the lasagna calling insistently to my poor, abused stomach, I put off dinner just long enough to fully enjoy a hot shower. I stepped out of the bathroom languorously drying my hair, just to barely steer clear of a collision with Wing's pilot, who seemed curiously frozen.

"Heero," I greeted him dreamily, holding a towel to my hair with one hand, and a towel to my waist with the other.

He looked like he'd already washed, and I thanked God that this safehouse was more luxurious than the others: two delightful bathtubs replete with showerheads.

"Duo," he said, and there was this almost reverent quality to his words that made me look sharply at him.

He looked…fresh, I suppose you could say, with his brown hair still damp and lightly fluffy, and smelling sweetly of soap.

I finally just gave into a long held impulse and let the towel on my hair drop. Then I reached out and rumpled his hair. It was like pure silk, just like I'd thought it would be, and slid through my fingers with a whispery noise.

He was totally caught by surprise, but he didn't flinch and I gloried in his stillness. Another obstacle overcome.

He gave me a shy eye-smile…though for a moment, I swear I saw something close to disappointment flash through his eyes. Then it was gone, and I wrote it off as a byproduct of my overactive imagination.

Smiling at him, I said, "I'll be ready in a moment, just let me get dressed."

He grunted.

I sighed, and added 'social skills' to the already yards-long list of things I needed to teach him.

I slipped on a pair of comfy, loose pants, and a tank top. Then, I untangled the worst snarls in my hair and reminded myself to braid it later.

Heero and Quatre were waiting in the kitchen. I got a couple weird looks again, but this time I knew from experience that it must've been my hair, so we didn't get into the whole question and answer thing.

Quatre watched us eat indulgently; back wherever he came from, he'd never gotten to really _do_ anything for anyone. I guess he was making up for it now by stuffing all us pilots with enough food to feed a small army.

Showing more restraint than I'd thought possible for him, he waited till we were cleaning away the last lingering bits of pasta and meat before launching into his first question, eyes bright with curiosity.

Quatre always has to know; he's like a little kid sometimes.

"Did you get enough sleep, Duo?" Ah…he'd probably noticed our red eyes, and once…well…on a mission, I'd woken him up with a nightmare. Totally freaked him out, and now, whenever I get out of bed looking like I haven't got enough sleep, he sends me these freakin' _alarmed_ looks all day. Heero generally ignores my nightmares, unless they get really violent, and then, if he's in a bad mood, he'll go and throw water on me. If he's in a good mood, he'll shake me awake. Suffice to say, I like his good moods better. Okay…so there was only that one time when I refused to get up and pretended to snore for nearly half an hour, but he still threw water on me! The bed was freakin' soaked for a day after that!

"Quatre," I said, grinning at him, "we were on an undercover mission. We spent half our nights sneaking out to investigate the damn base."

"Oh, right," he said, but persevered. "No…nightmares?"

I sighed. "No, no nightmares."

"Really?" His entire appearance was transformed; they all know I don't lie. Maybe twist the truth, but I don't lie. Briefly, I wondered if my nightmares were really so bad Quatre needed to ask me that freakin' question every single time I got back from a mission.

"You didn't have a single nightmare…for nine days? And on a mission?" He looked a bit skeptical.

Okaaay…if you put it that way, it did sound kind of strange. "I suppose that was because," I said, an idea blooming on the edge of my mind, "I was sleeping wi-" I jerked my mouth closed on that word, heat rising in my face.

I gave Heero a quick glance, and found, to my surprise, that he was doing his almost-blush thing again, with, I swear, an almost silly little smile playing on his lips. But, this was _Heero,_ silly little smiles just _don't_ appear on his face.

"You were sleeping with what?" Quatre said, a gleam in his eyes.

"With…with…" Inspiration struck me. "With my teddy bear!" I said triumphantly.

"With….your…_teddy bear?_" Quatre stared at me, looking like he couldn't decide whether to demand a glimpse of this elusive stuffed animal, or have a giggling fit.

Heero had this almost horrified look on his face, and I apologized to him silently, promising I'd explain to him later.

"Your _teddy bear?_" Quatre repeated, still with that intriguing expression on his face.

Anger's always the best way to go in these cases. "What?" I snapped. "I can't have a damn teddy bear or something?"

"No, no," he backpedaled so quickly, I swear I could hear tires screeching, "umm…I just thought that was sort of…interesting."

"Oh, okay," I said, remembering to send him a suspicious look, just to make sure he'd move onto something else.

"So…how was your mission?"

I held back a grin. Totally fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.

"It wasn't bad," I shrugged, "except for those damn fan clubs."

"Fan clubs?" Quatre pounced on the potentially juicy bit of information.

"Oh, god," I shuddered, "don't get me started."

"No, c'mon," he pleaded, "I want to hear this."

Then we heard Trowa's voice. "Quatre," he said, coming up and sliding into a chair, "why do you always torture Duo when he comes back from missions?"

Quatre looked at me guiltily, and said in a small voice, "I'm not torturing you, am I, Duo?"

He looked so hopeful, what could I say? Quatre's beseeching look is his greatest weapon, and he wields it mercilessly. "No, of course not, little brother." I grinned reassuringly.

Quatre grinned happily at the nickname, and sent Trowa a faintly smug look. He sighed.

"Okay, now about those fan clubs?"

"Gods…okay, basically, some girls saw us play basketball, and you wouldn't _believe_ how incredible Heero is at making three-pointers, it's just crazy," I shook my head wonderingly. "Yeah, anyway, they saw our blue-eyed friend here," a pat on Heero's back to indicate which one, "and just like that," I snapped my fingers, "they fell." I smacked the table.

Quatre and Trowa looked at me strangely, probably thinking, _What the hell?_

"In love," I elaborated and their expressions cleared, laughter rising in their eyes, "In freakin' teenaged girl, let's follow Max, er, Heero's codename, around with a camera," Trowa snorted, and Quatre grinned, "and take pictures of him in the locker room, love." We all looked at Heero, and that look of remembered horror on his face was too much, really. We all started giggling, okay, Trowa didn't, but then, I don't think the guy _can_ giggle, so he chuckled.

Heero frowned at us, and protested, "It wasn't just me, they liked following Duo around too."

Quatre turned to me, and purred, "Oh, you don't say?"

"Wait," I said, raising my hands in my defense, "it was totally not like what they had with Heero. I was the little kid from next door, y'know? The little kid those girls find unbearably cute and like to give little gifts to and bake cookies for." They looked at me with almost an almost flabbergasted expression on their faces, and I continued, pointing at Heero, "And Heero, see, is the totally hot guy who works in the pizza parlor-"

Heero growled, and I glanced at him, pausing.

Quatre dove into the silence, saying, "But Duo, you _are…_hot."

"Thanks for the compliment, Quatre, but you know the rule of siblings?" I smiled warmly at him, and stage-whispered, waggling a finger, "Never listen to the little brother."

He just stared at me, and again he seemed caught between two emotions.

Trowa stepped in and said, "So you _both_ had girls following you around all day?" There was an unmistakable undertone of delighted glee in his voice that I couldn't miss.

Okay, he thinks this is _funny._ I glowered at him, and said, biting each syllable off viciously, "Yes, we did."

He chuckled, and two glares tried to pin him to the chair. They didn't work.

Okay, back to the story. "It was _horrible_," I groaned, "everywhere we went, there was giggling and shrieking and pink, a lot, a lot of pink! And in class, they'd try passing notes to us, and Heero lived in fear of being molested by some girl with blond pigtails!" Heero remembered that too, I could see. "And there was this crazy girl who'd pop up at the most _random _times to ask me to go with her to a freakin' movie! One of those girly, kissy movies, too." I scowled irately.

Quatre was giggling uncontrollably by now, and I snapped, "Hey, it's not funny! See how _you_ like having thirty stalkers!" I glared at Trowa and said heatedly, "What about you? Want twenty girls pounding on your door at 0700 hours asking for a freakin' cuddle?"

They seemed to find that even more amusing, and I slumped in my chair, grimacing.

"I hate you," I muttered.

Wiping tears of merriment from his eyes, Quatre said, "I'm sorry, but really, the look on your face…" He snickered again, "It was…priceless!" He gasped.

That wasn't making me feel much better.

Trowa inserted smoothly, "So…what else happened on your mission?"

"I thought you said this was torture?" I snapped.

He just grinned at me. "It is," he said simply, "but it's _fun_ torture."

Choosing to overlook their insensitivity, I said, "So after one week of _that_, we decided to just go and break the good general out. It wasn't as hard as I thought it might be," I shrugged, "though at the end," I turned and glared at Heero, who glared back, "_he_ decided to audition for the position of 'idiot'!"

"What?" Quatre asked a little uneasily.

"There were some snipers," I said, "and Yuy here almost refused to let me stay behind to cover for him!"

Heero said defensively, "It was an unnecessary risk."

"Unnecessary risk? _Unnecessary risk?_" I laughed. "_Opening the general to enemy fire would be an_ _unnecessary risk!_"

"_You _could have taken him instead," he snapped, and I figured this was the part that was eating at him.

"I was in a better position," I said angrily, "and I took them down pretty easily, it was nothing to worry about-"

"You could have been hurt! You didn't have _anything_ to cover you!"

"And you had even less!" I shot up so quickly, I knocked the chair over.

We just stood there for a moment, glaring at each other. I threw my hands up, and made a frustrated noise. "You!" I shook a finger at Quatre and Trowa, who were watching us wide eyes, "Talk some sense _into_ him!_"_

I left the room, shoulders hunched, and headed towards our room. Then, I threw myself on the bed, and just lay there for a while.

When I heard the sound of the door opening, I stayed still, eyes shut, and pretended to be asleep. Didn't work. Damn.

"Duo, I know you're awake," It was Trowa, _not_ Heero, like I'd thought.

Before I could control them, my eyes popped open, to see Trowa's figure standing just past the doorway.

He shut the door with a quiet click, and sat down on the floor, right there, leaning against the door.

"Don't you want to turn on the light?" I asked, puzzled.

"Nah," he said, "I don't mind the dark."

"Okay…"

Neither of us spoke for the next few minutes, but when there's a contest involving silence, there's nobody who can beat Trowa.

I gave resentfully. "Are you here to tell me what an idiot I am?" I said, anger apparent in my words.

"No," he said placidly, "Heero's being the idiot. I'm just here to keep you company."

I could almost see his shrug.

"Mm-hm." I peered towards him doubtfully, wishing I could scrutinize his features for some kind of…anything, I suppose.

Finally, his calm presence just loosened my tongue, and I said, a little sadly, "I just don't get why he's so mad."

I'd never really had Heero mad at me before; annoyed, certainly, but never angry. And it hurt. It hurt a lot more than when Wufei had wanted to stick me through with his katana, or when Trowa acted like a moldy old sandwich was more important than me.

"He's not really mad," Trowa said gently, "just afraid."

"I know," I groaned, "but it feels like he's questioning my ability on the field…"

"Yeah," he agreed, "Heero shows his care in the weirdest ways sometimes."

"And does he care?" I said, trying to sound flippant, but only succeeded in sounding…miserable.

"Of course he does. You think he'd let you stay near him and get away with all the things you do if he didn't?"

I didn't answer.

"You can't really blame him," Trowa reproached me when my silence started becoming sullen, "you would feel the same if he put himself in danger."

I grunted and he chuckled. "I'm not expecting you to just forgive him instantly, but…just think about it, would you?"

He got up and lightly touched my hair, then left the room. I sighed and curled myself into a ball.

I knew my anger was a little excessive, and that I was being a hypocrite, and that Heero was just afraid for me, but…

I uncurled and padded to the door. It's really rather difficult to stay mad at someone when you understand why they did what they did, though I had a feeling we'd have to reach a compromise. It would be very…awkward, if we got mad at each other every time we had another scrape with death. Sometimes I wondered if J didn't have the right idea after all…emotions can really break a soldier, you know?

But then, soldiers _are_ men, or women, and pushing down those same emotions can be crippling.

In the kitchen, Quatre and Heero were still sitting there, and they looked like they hadn't moved in the last half hour or so.

I was faintly surprised at the scene in front of me; Quatre was looking at Heero, his eyes a twist between ecstatic and sorrowful, and Heero was staring a hole into the table.

"Quatre? Heero?" I asked tentatively, not really sure if I should break up the tableau or not.

Heero turned, and said, "Hello Duo."

"Hey," I shifted my weight, a bit baffled. I was kind of expecting him to still be in that towering rage that'd started the whole mess, but he actually seemed a bit subdued, and I wondered what the hell Quatre had told him.

He got up and approached me hesitantly, and we stared at each other.

"I'm sorry," he blurted, "I didn't mean to imply that you were incompetent, I was just…worried."

I raised my eyebrow. Wow, sounded like Quatre had really gotten through to him.

"I'm sorry too," I said, rubbing the back of my neck. "I guess I kind of overreacted, and I know you didn't mean to imply I was incompetent, I was just angry at you, I suppose."

We stared at each other some more, still holding back.

"Just hug, you dorks," Quatre said from the corner, watching us with obvious irritation.

We both tensed, and I looked at Heero dubiously. His face was frozen in an expression I wasn't sure I wanted to try to read, and I thought, _Uh…maybe that's not the best idea right now…_

I could just _hear_ Quatre rolling his eyes, and he began, "For God's sake-" when Heero brought his arms out, and stiffly pulled me in for an awkward embrace.

Shyly, I brought my hands up and hugged him back lightly.

It took us a minute, but we adjusted to each other, and I put my chin on his shoulder, leaning slightly into him. This wasn't exactly how I'd envisioned our first hug, the goal at which I'd been aiming at for months: in front of a clearly exasperated audience, barely recovering from our first real fight, and both so tense I was afraid we'd fall and shatter to pieces. But hey, you have to take the lumps with the good, and being enfolded in Heero's arms definitely fell under the category of "good."

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"I forgive you, you idiot," I grumbled, then pulled back to smile up at him so he'd know I was kidding about the "idiot" part.

He searched my face intently, then smiled back. I was floored. It was an eye-smile _and_ a mouth-smile at the same time. I need to mark this day down for history. Once I can remember the date. And my name.

At that moment, everything in the world was Heero, and I had the sensation of falling off some tall height again. It scared me breathless, but there was also a kind of exultant, jubilant feeling in the plunge that I was afraid was almost too simple to get addicted to.

I'd probably go to hell and back for one of those smiles.

Wrenching my eyes away from his face, I buried my face in his collarbone, and just crumpled into him.

His arms tightened around me, and I thought, _for a first-timer, he's a pretty good hugger._

Then he did something totally unexpected. Shifting his body, he scooped me up into his arms and I yelped. I wasn't much lighter than him…at the most, fifteen pounds, maybe, and sometimes his strength really scares me.

"We're going to bed now," he informed Quatre, who gave him a wink that I was too tired to really care about, and I didn't object.

We had an uncomfortable minute trying to decide if we'd go back to our regular sleeping arrangements, so eventually, I told him to drop me on his bed, then tugged him down next to me.

There was the barest pause, when his hand seemed to linger near my hair, and I realized I didn't have it in a braid to grab.

"Sorry, no braid," I said contritely, "I'll braid it tomorrow morning…do you mind?"

"No, it's fine," he said quietly, and let his hand settle on the back of my head, smoothing my hair.

I almost hummed with pleasure, and snuggled, which I guess struck a chord in his memory.

"Teddy bear?" He asked me, sounding a bit affronted.

"Well, only sort of," I admitted, "just the part about you being nice and comfy and comforting."

"Oh," he said. "I suppose that's all right then."

"Thank you for your approval," I muttered, and could feel his amusement hovering around me.

"You're welcome."

"Mm." I smacked his side weakly. "Good night," I said, a tone of finality in my voice.

I fell asleep in the seconds it took him to respond.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

After that incident, it was incredible how much Heero changed. He was still an extraordinary soldier, but he didn't fit in those confining restrictions J had placed in him anymore; he was no longer their Perfect Soldier. No, he was better.

He smiled with increasing frequency, sometimes even gracing the other pilots with that gorgeous grin. I always took great pleasure in watching their reactions and picking their jaws from the floor.

He didn't always sound like a robot anymore either; I even caught him using slang every once in a while.

His voice gained texture…emotion roughened it and smoothed it and made it beautiful.

Hugging became natural to us, but we were kind of shy at doing it around anybody, even the others. It was a pretty private thing for us. The other pilots gained an unexpected privilege, unforeseen, I think even by Heero. They gained the privilege of touch, and Heero was surprised as anybody when he didn't take off Wufei's head for inadvertently crashing into him one day. That marked another historical day in the process I termed, "Heero's Metamorphosis."

I watched him grow, and I was so proud, so freakin' proud of him I couldn't figure out how people couldn't see me practically glowing with it.

But, you know, I was kind of sad too. It wasn't really the melancholy of a mother knowing her children would leave, but more like I was sad that I didn't have Heero all to me anymore. Selfish beyond belief, right? But then, Heero's been making me feel things from the beginning I've never felt before: bone-chilling fear that actually wasn't fear at all – I'm still not quite sure _what_ the hell it was, the funny little shivery feeling my whole body gets when he smiles, that sensation of flying and crashing jumbled together, and now this…this almost overwhelmingly crushing feeling of loss.

Depression weighed on me far more than I would've liked, but seeing him smile and chat normally with the other pilots…it was a precious gift I could never refuse, whatever the cost.

We were friends. _Friends._ Sometimes, I was afraid I was dreaming, and I'd wake up to find out that a teasing Wufei, a droll Trowa, an open Heero, a mischievous Quatre…didn't exist. The pain of that blow would probably have killed me.

I don't think the scientists knew how well they'd chosen when they brought the five prodigious Gundam pilots together.

The road to friendship was probably one of the most slippery I'd ever walked, but once I got through Quatre's initial shyness, Wufei's hot anger, Trowa's blistering silence, and Heero's harsh training, we just molded together seamlessly into a whole.

As a unit, we worked better than ever, though that might've been the training Heero put us through to make sure we didn't accidentally bash each other's brains out on a mission.

But we cared, and it showed.

Injuries were always first priority, and I think everyone took a turn soothing each other's nightmares. As I'd suspected, we all had our own personal demons, though I think Heero's really took the cake.

Coming back from missions, somebody, either Quatre, Trowa, or me, always had food warm and ready, and Heero made an obvious effort in choosing safehouses that housed more than one shower.

If we thought someone was totally overworking and on the path to burning himself out, we made it our job to lighten their load and get them rest. For example, if Heero was going on way too many solo missions, Wufei and Trowa'd offer to take a couple in his place, while Quatre and I would make sure he accepted. If Quatre appeared heavy-eyed and listless, all of us would swoop down on him like mother hens and ensure that he wouldn't take a strenuous mission for days. If Wufei's light teasing and ready laughter dwindled, Trowa and I would request that a few of his missions be spread out among the rest of us until the light was back in his eyes. And if I started losing weight, or disappearing at odd times to look at the stars, the others were on me before you could even say _what the hell_; Quatre would watch me at dinnertime like a hawk, making me force down every single morsel, Trowa'd somehow maneuver me into letting him accompany on my moments of contemplation, Wufei would act even more outrageous than usual, trying to entice a laugh or spirited argument, and Heero would drag me off to bed a lot earlier than usual to just sit and hold me for the night, keeping the nightmares away.

It was a very…satisfying arrangement, being able to take care of the others and have them watch over me. None of us were really subject to the devastating dejection that so many soldiers fell prey to during times of war.

We had our own little sets inside the group too, though. Heero and I…firm best friends. Quatre and Trowa were like bees and honey; you couldn't find one without the other, while Wufei was split evenly between Trowa and I as 'almost brother.' In fact, he was kind of like everybody's next best friend…you had to feel kind of sorry for the guy; whenever any of us got into a disagreement with each other, we always unerringly sought him out to mollify ruffled feathers and calm hot tempers. I really think that, after the war, he would make the perfect peace negotiator…with certain people. Chang Wufei, who proclaimed to hate women, thought that strength ruled the world, and had the worst temper of all of us, wouldn't have seemed the type of guy who could halt a downward slide from irritation to anger with one spoken word, but then again…he never does things by halves. It was always 'all or nothing' for him, and when suddenly thrown into position of peacemaker, it was like his personal mission to make sure things never got out of hand.

We all heeded him without question, though surly looks were a common thing on bad days.

Everything was pretty much going on marvelously, except for two things. First, that the war _hadn't_ finished yet, and second, Relena Peacecraft.

Relena Peacecraft. I don't really know why I don't like that girl…she just rubs me the wrong way, I guess. Okay, I kind of know why I don't like her. I saved her from Heero and all, and she totally flips me off. It's like I don't exist…or I _do_ exist but she'd rather pretend like I didn't. Besides that, she's always _chasing_ after Heero. Does the girl have any…_dignity_ at all?

After our brush with those girls back at the high school, Heero and I kind of avoided girls who look at us with that scary glint in their eye. If they were on the same side of the road we were on, we crossed the road. That's how freaked out we were.

Relena Peacecraft doesn't just have a glint; it's a freakin' bonfire.

And when Heero saw that, I could just see panic rising behind his eyes, but he's the Perfect Soldier still, remember? So, he gritted his teeth and endured all those stupid bodyguard missions.

I can't believe that girl is practically our hope for peace after the war. She's just so…dense. She doesn't get it, doesn't get that Heero really doesn't want to deal with a girl totally fixated on him.

Damn it, we're fighting a war here! None of us really want to get…involved.

Yeah, so to be honest, I don't really like anything that puts that look of dread in his eyes; I don't think he's ever going to get over being groped on the butt by one of _those girls._ Having Relena Peacecraft close by and sending him those faintly obsessive looks is just…not good for him.

And, well, it sort of feels like she's trying to steal him away. That selfish feeling? It's gotten worse…whenever someone even so much as looks at Heero with interest, which is a lot, I feel like growling, _Mine! So stay the hell away from him!_

I never knew I could be such a possessive best friend.

I really, really hope Relena Peacecraft gets over Heero sometime soon, because if she doesn't, he'll probably just snap someday and say something really blunt and definitely _not_ what she wants to hear.

Swearing, I tore after Wufei, wondering what the hell happened to make such a simple mission almost blow us sky-high.

We'd been in our Gundams, when we stumbled on a good ten or fifteen Leos lounging about, obviously guarding the building we'd just infiltrated. It had only called for us to sneak in, leaving Deathscythe and Shenlong behind, and retrieve some documents that had been…misplaced.

I have no idea why the _hell_ they'd have so many Leos guarding the place, and at the time, I hadn't really been worried about why's of anything at all.

It's kind of flattering, in a way, that when anybody sees one of our Gundams, (our descriptions are probably posted everywhere in the whole damn universe) their first instinct is to aim their guns and bombard us with everything they've got. Flattering, but damn frightening.

We took several solid hits, right at that moment; even Wufei couldn't dodge everything they were throwing at us, so we just fought blindly until the flurry of whirling Leos gave us a little room to breathe and then, wildly tearing a path through them, took off. Wufei wasn't very happy about that. He's definitely going to be punishing himself later for being 'cowardly.'

I'm resisting the urge to roll my eyes right now, you know?

Chancing a look behind, I swore again. The Leos were in hot pursuit, and though they weren't gaining any, we weren't losing them at all.

I looked at Wufei's Gundam and frowned concernedly. Seemed like he'd taken worse damage than I thought, because his Gundam was actually listing a little to the side.

"05! Status!" I called to him over the intercom.

"Fractured ribs and a possible concussion," he said in a strained voice.

"Well shit," I said stupidly.

He gave a sharp chuckle.

I thought quickly, running over the possibilities, and then, still loping along with his drunken-looking stride, I said commandingly, "Okay 'Fei, you know that lake a few hundred meters away?"

"Uh, yeah." I got the feeling that he was squinting.

"You're going to run there like you've got the devil on your heels, and sink Shenlong in the water. Then, you're going to hide somewhere and wait for me, got it?"

"Wait for you?"

His concussion must really be doing a number on him if he couldn't figure out what I was going to do.

"I'm going to stay behind and take out those Leos." He made a sound as if to protest, but I overrode his voice, and said, "I can engage the stealth shield, and I'm not injured. Just a few bruises."

He mumbled an affirmative and I spared a blessing that he was too dazed to argue with me.

"Now _move_ your ass, Chang!"

He put on a burst of speed and I turned around.

I could see the Leos falter; they were obviously surprised to see their prey running _at_ them and not away.

"Let's do it, Shinigami!" I grinned. This time _I_ had the advantage of surprise, and I wasn't about to waste it.

While they were still adjusting to the situation, I had my scythe out and swinging at them. It _devastated _them and I whooped madly.

Then, because I could see the glimmer of damn reinforcements on the horizon, I hauled ass and had my Gundam on the shores of the lake as fast as I could drag Deathscythe's metal body. I fired up the intercom, and prayed that someone was in his Gundam right then.

"Duo?" Trowa's voice crackled and I almost slumped to the ground from relief.

Quickly explaining the situation, I unbuckled myself from the Gundam, and he assured me that one of them would be here in four hours.

Right before scrambling out of the cockpit, I heaved the bag of emergency medical supplies that we all had in our Gundams, courtesy of Mr. Always Ready Yuy, onto my back. I was damn glad he'd insisted now. I'd have to remember to thank him if-_when_ we got out of this mess.

Then I scuttled down to the ground and sent my Gundam into the middle of the lake along with Wufei's.

Now, about that, where _was_ the guy? Scanning the flat planes of sand a bit frantically, I worried my bottom lip with my teeth. I hoped he hadn't fallen and bumped his head or fainted or missed the lake entirely because of his warped vision.

Then I saw a hand waving at me from behind a group of trees, and hurried my little butt there quick as I could.

Turns out he was actually hiding in one of the trees, the middle of which was carved hollow, like some giant had went at it with a spoon and scooped out the middle. "_Damn_, 'Fei," I said admiringly. Grabbing some branches, I arranged them over the opening, and it looked practically invisible. Perfect cover as long as we kept quiet.

"How did you find this place?" I sat up, the thing was actually tall enough to do that if you hunched a bit.

"Um," he said, blinking, "I saw the trees and just kind of stumbled into the hole."

"All right, let me see your eyes." I checked them. Yep, definitely a concussion. Probing around his head, I found the bump where he'd obviously banged his head, and lugging the bag forward, I opened it and searched out some bandages to wrap around his head, along with a water bottle to wash his wound clean.

"Ribs?" Gently I prodded at his ribcage, and decided I'd have to bind the whole thing. After I'd finished, I laid him gently on the…er, tree.

We sat silently, listening intently for our pursuers, but only heard their shouting in the distance. Only after even that faint yelling had faded away did we feel secure enough to talk.

It started out with him asking me if I was hurt, and eager to turn our thoughts away from his own injuries, I steered the conversation towards lighter subjects, like what exactly _was_ going on with Trowa and Quatre. I opined that there was definitely some spark between them, while he, I think just to spite me, stuck obdurately to his belief that they were nothing more than best friends. After trying to make him see reason for nearly half an hour, I changed the subject. Wufei with a concussion is actually more stubborn than one without. I hoped he wouldn't have occasion to obtain another concussion.

I launched into a tirade against Relena Peacecraft, and he answered with an aggressive attack on the horrors of my meatloaf. I affected pure outrage at his rudeness, and we were parrying each other's insults just like old times.

After a while, our conversation grew too ridiculous, and laughing, we agreed to end it.

The companionable silence was…uplifting, and I found myself relaxing instead of worrying incessantly about when our rescue would come.

"You know," Wufei chuckled, "you're nothing like I thought you were like when I first met you."

"Really?" I said. "What did you think I was like?" I really was curious; his enmity had always seemed irrational, to me at least.

"Far too feminine, and thus, weak," he tossed at me glibly.

"Hey! I'm not weak," I said indignantly.

"Yes, I know that now," he said somberly, "and I'm truly, deeply sorry for my behavior."

"Hey it's alright, man," I said, wanting that tortured look out of his eyes, "you got past that and that's what matters."

"But that doesn't excuse my blindness and refusal to look past your appearance to a person I would be proud to call a friend," he said passionately.

"Wufei," I said seriously, "I'm not going to say that you didn't hurt me," he winced, "but when all's said and done, I don't really mind that small pain in the face of getting something better."

"What?" he said, looking at me warily.

"Your friendship, of course."

"What?" I had the feeling that if he'd been sitting, he'd have reared back. "But, but I acted so atrociously…"

"'Fei," I leaned forward, "I forgive you for being a sexist idiot. Now stop sputtering and get that through your head."

He looked at me, still with that annoying doubt in his eyes, and I said, smiling, "We all have our little quirks. I couldn't believe you'd guys still want to be even near me after I told you about Shinigami, but you did. I still can't quite believe it," I said, giving him a sheepish grin.

"Maxwell," he said frowning, "we're not going to turn away from you just because there's a part of you darker than the face you usually show."

I pounced on that, saying, "Exactly! So tell us why I should _not_ be your friend just because you acted stupidly for a while. We're all human, 'Fei; we're allowed to make mistakes, and you, of all people, our peacemaker, should know that it's not wrong to forgive a guy for being an idiot."

I watched any qualms he had disappear and grinned, relieved.

Then he said, gazing at me intensely, "You really are our treasure, Maxwell."

_What?_

Then, as if trying to impart some kind of wisdom, or something, he said, each syllable clear and carefully molded, "We all care about you a great deal, especially Yuy." He stared at me piercingly, and I gave him a slightly confused, slightly embarrassed look, urging him to go on.

"That day you were hurt so terribly, and they were going to execute you," neither of us could help a small shiver at my near-death experience, "it took five men to drag him out of the hut."

_Five men? How the hell did I miss that? Oh yeah. I was unconscious. _That was really…warming, but I really had no idea where this was going.

"When we thought they'd killed you…" He looked at me, an echo of that horrible sorrow he'd felt still lingering, and I patted his arm.

"Yuy's face…it was almost crazed…he looked like the type of man who'd throw himself off a building the first chance he got."

_Oh, Heero…no wonder you were so mad when I stayed behind to take out the snipers. _

I waited for more, but nothing else seemed forthcoming, so I flashed him my best grin and said cheerfully, "Well, that's what best friends are for." Behind, in the back of my head, Other Duo had a coughing fit.

Wufei stared at me really weirdly and then started laughing. I wasn't quite sure what we were laughing at, but I joined in, chuckling.

"So…" I ventured, "What was that all about?"

He gave me a roguish grin and said, "I give up. You'll have to figure it out yourself."

"_Wufeeii_…"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_Heero was dead. Dead, dead, dead._

He'd been dead two months now, and the pain was tearing me apart. Gods, it shouldn't hurt this much. I thought that the sorrow and the hurt was supposed to abate as time went on. For me, it just kept getting worse and worse and I think that someday I was going to shoot myself to make the pain go away.

He was dead. Self-destructed.

I went through my days like a zombie, and I know the guys were worried, beyond worried, actually, and progressing to panicked, but it couldn't seem to reach the hard ball of pain in my gut that I couldn't get to loosen, no matter what.

I hadn't seen Other Duo since the…news, and I was a little afraid of the implications of that.

Trowa had been gone a lot, and Quatre and Wufei kept giving me these sad looks that just about tore me apart. Every look was a reminder. A reminder of Heero's death. And they were eroding my tattered edges of control.

So I threw myself into missions, because I had the sinking feeling that if I didn't hurry, I'd be dead before the war was over, and I'd sworn to win the war, for revenge.

"Duo?" Trowa touched my shoulder gently. "Duo, I think there's something you need to know."

I turned numbly. "Yes?" I made myself ask.

"It's about Heero."

_Heero. _Another shudder of pain wracked my body before I could stop it. "What about him?" I rasped.

"He's alive."

I shook my head at him, mouth opening and closing, and he said again, "Heero's alive."

"NO!" I threw a wild blow that he blocked easily, "Don't lie to me! Don't! Heero's dead! He's dead!"

"He's alive, Duo," he said implacably, over and over again.

Slowly, I found myself believing, no matter how hard I tried to stop it, and my shoulders drooped, defeated.

I pleaded almost hopelessly, "Tell me that it's true. Tell me you aren't lying. Because if he really is dead…" _I couldn't take it again._

"It's true. I'm not lying. _He's alive._"

I grabbed hold of his shoulders, holding so tightly I was probably leaving behind finger-shaped bruises, and ground out, "Take me to him. Now."

"All right," he said, speaking slowly, and softly, like I was one of those wild animals he tames so easily. Still, I was skittish, and watched him carefully the whole way out of the hangar, trying to detect a hint of a lie in his face, in his movements. I found nothing to indicate anything of that sort, and bit by bit, allowed myself to hope.

We stepped out into the sun, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. At first I thought he was a ghost, or a hallucination, and didn't look closer. I didn't want to see him disappear.

"Duo?" Do ghosts speak? My hallucinations didn't. I looked to Trowa, and saw that he was staring at him, same as me.

Before I could stop it, my treacherous mouth opened and whispered, "Heero?"

I don't know how he heard it, it was so quiet, but he opened his arms in that universal gesture for a hug, and I let my body decide how to answer it because my mind was on an overload, pulling in so many separate ways it was totally incapacitated.

I hit Heero so hard with my hug he staggered backwards at least four or five steps, and my brain informed me, _Real. Real. Real. Not air. Real. _

Once I truly registered that, I huddled into him, shaking, and his arms enclosed me in an embrace so hard I couldn't refute his solidity. His realness.

I couldn't stop shaking. Dimly, I heard him say, "Duo, what happened to you?"

I was also vaguely aware of a scalding heat on my cheeks, and I rubbed my face into his tank top furiously.

"You're alive…" I murmured.

_He's alive, he's alive, he's alive. Heero's alive alive alive alive. He's not dead. He didn't die two months ago. _

After that, I guess I kind of fainted; I guess my brain decided that it was having way too many conflicting messages and just shut down. I wanted to hug him and deck him and yell at him and kiss him, I mean, kick him, and talk to him and sleep next to him and…

I kind of recall Heero hoisting me up into his arms, and muttering something about how much weight I'd lost.

Then I felt myself being lowered onto a bed, and I clung to Heero, not wanting him to leave, because I _knew_ if I woke up and he wasn't there…that would be bad. Very bad.

He settled next to me, and I tried to burrow myself into him. For the first time in two months, I slept without nightmares.

I floated into consciousness, rather than woke up, and felt so warm and safe and happy like I hadn't since…since sometime. Two months ago. I couldn't quite remember why though.

Trowa and Quatre and Wufei were there. I heard Heero's voice. Heero. There was some reason he wasn't supposed to be here. I couldn't really figure it out right now, so instead, I just listened to them.

"How the _hell_ did he lose twenty pounds? What the _hell_ happened to him? He wasn't hurt was he?" Funny, that's the first time I think I've heard Heero swear.

Trowa just sounded kind of tired, as opposed to Heero's rage. "He hasn't slept the night through for two months, Heero."

"WHAT?" Heero exploded.

Quatre hissed, "Heero! Duo's asleep!"

He quieted instantly.

"Why hasn't he been sleeping?"

"Nightmares," Wufei said succinctly.

I thought I should be angry that they were discussing me like this but couldn't quite muster up the effort. Oh yeah, nightmares. There was something about those nightmares, though…

"Nightmares to wake the dead. He shrieked himself hoarse, and then gave up sleeping altogether," Wufei said. Was that a sad tone I heard?

"Why didn't you make him sleep?" Heero asked, still angry.

"And sentence him to watching you die night after night? We couldn't do that to him," Wufei said, and yes, there was such sorrow in his voice that I wanted to cry the tears I could hear in his words.

Watching Heero die? Don't be silly. Heero can't die. _Yeah, he can_, a little voice piped up and I squashed him firmly.

Heero didn't talk for a while after that, and then when he spoke, he sounded so _guilty_. "I did that to him?" he breathed.

"It wasn't your fault," Quatre said quickly, and I cheered him on, "it was a miracle you survived at all."

_What?_

"Has he been eating?"

"We all tried to make him eat as much as possible, but he had a bunch of solo missions…"

"He's been going on solo missions in this state?" Heero sounded horrified now.

"We didn't know what to do!" Quatre cried. "We were afraid if we didn't let him do something that'd let him…forget, he'd do something to himself!"

There was a frozen silence.

I had the feeling that I didn't want to interrupt this, so I stayed quiet. What they were talking about really puzzled me though. Solo missions? Do something to myself? Why would I want to do…something…to…I cut that line of thought off rather quickly. There was something there I didn't want to know, and lying here, in Heero's arms, I just wanted to _not_ remember.

But I couldn't help the downward spiral of memory, and the images came to me. Wing self-destructing, someone telling me Heero was dead, countless missions that blurred together afterward, the nightmares…worse than any I'd ever had, Wufei's concerned face, Quatre speaking to me earnestly, Trowa trying to offer words of comfort, and overlaying all that…the sound of the voice saying, "Heero's dead."

I started to shudder uncontrollably, and I think I actually whimpered for a moment, the throbbing that simple phrase caused returning full force. There were voices above my head that I think were calling my name, but I couldn't hear them over that phrase I'd repeated a million times a day for two months. 'Heero's dead.'

I buried my face into the mattress, holding back my tears with every ounce of strength I had, and realized my mattress was…breathing? I didn't know mattresses could breathe.

Then the rest came flooding in…Heero's arms hugging me, fainting…Heero alive and well.

I sucked in a huge gasp of air and flung myself backwards.

He was still there, I _hadn't_ been imagining his voice. He looked healthy enough for being blown up, though I could see a few new scars on his shoulders. He looked concrete, not filmy, not a thing made of hopeful thoughts and dreams.

I studied his eyes, the part that could tell me if I was awake or dreaming, because even in dreams, I could never get Heero's eyes quite right.

They were his eyes all right, holding a faint hint of horror, anxiety, and fear, a heavy portion of guilt, joy, sorrow…all churning and his eyes were _alive, so alive._

With a strangled cry, I flung myself back into him, and couldn't stop the tears.

I tried to cry the way we'd been taught as street orphans: quietly, unnoticeably, but despite myself, a couple harsh sobs ripped out of my throat, and I heard the sounds of the others leaving our room.

I spared them a moment of gratitude, and then went on to generously soak Heero's tank top with tears. I really hoped he didn't mind, but hey, you can't cry two months worth of tears in a few short minutes. This was really an all-out cry, like one I hadn't had in…forever.

He held me closely, like he had no intention of letting me go, and rubbed my back and my head and whispered apology after apology.

I just cried.

Finally, after I don't know _how_ long, my weeping fit seemed to be coming to a close. Heero didn't complain about the mess I'd made of his clothes and I almost smiled at his self-restraint.

I snuffled into his shoulder, and muttered, "Sorry."

"Shhh…it's all right, don't be sorry," Heero soothed, and I wondered when he'd started taking lessons from my "soothing voice." It was probably rusty again, since I hadn't had much chance to practice.

A slightly hysterical laugh broke out of me when I thought that, and Heero's arms tightened around me.

"Duo?" He sounded worried. Hell, _I'd_ be worried if I saw me, eyes probably swollen from crying, lying on top of Heero who I thought was dead for two months, and laughing hysterically. Yes, definitely grounds for worry.

I calmed my rising hysteria, and tried to smile at him.

Gently, he wiped my face with the one dry corner of his tank top, and I'd have burst into tears again if I hadn't been wrung dry.

"Are you hungry?" he questioned, and I realized, strangely surprised, that I was.

I nodded.

"All right, just wait for to change my shirt, hmm?" I looked up, and he had the tiniest wry-looking grin on his face that would've broken me if, like I said, I hadn't cried myself out.

I think he could tell from my expression, though, because he gathered me close again while I struggled to regain my composure.

When I'd relaxed, he let me go, and fetched out a clean tank top from a pile of clothes that had lain untouched for two months and was probably collecting dust.

I watched him fixedly, afraid if I blinked, he'd disappear. He sent me an almost shy look, before peeling off his top, and quickly shrugging the new one on.

Then he paused at the bed, obviously unsure, and wordlessly, I opened my arms because I was afraid if I tried to stand, I'd wobble and fall over. He eye-smiled at me, and I drank it up like a thirsting man gulps down water.

He lifted me up, and I almost felt like a toy in his arms. For the first time in two months, I really looked at myself, and was shocked, really, at how much weight I'd lost. No wonder everybody was acting like I'd break at a moment's notice. It looked like a light, summer breeze could topple me over.

When we walked into the kitchen, and Heero said that I was hungry, Quatre brightened and just about looked like I'd offered him the world, while Wufei and Trowa looked immensely surprised and satisfied at the same time.

"Not too much at first," Wufei cautioned Quatre, for which I was glad. I think if Quatre had tried to feed me some gourmet buffet dinner or something, I might have thrown up. Not really reassuring to four Gundam pilots already on the edge. For some reason, I just didn't feel like opening my mouth, maybe afraid that it would break the spell and everything would turn back the way they were.

So I had soup. And it was delicious soup. I'm not sure what kind of soup it was, but it definitely tasted like heaven to me.

Everybody acted like they weren't watching, but I got the slightly unsettling feeling that every single bite that went in my mouth was closely monitored by four different people.

I figured, though, that I'd scared them enough in the past two months that I could make a few allowances.

When my silence continued past dinner, while I lay curled in Heero's lap as they discussed what had happened (besides me) in the past two months, I could tell they were getting the tiniest bit concerned.

I made an effort to open my mouth, but once I got to that point, I just couldn't seem to force the sounds out, and closed my mouth.

Wufei noticed my aborted attempt with a frown, and I looked away. But, well, that whole evening, I was just having a piece of the truth pounded into my stubborn head. The feel of Heero's body, the sound of his voice, the smiles on the others' faces, my feeling of contentment, they all enforced the two tiny words that had been resounding in my head, but that I'd been afraid to trust. _Heero's alive, Heero's alive._

I'd told myself _Heero's dead, Heero's dead, _so many times those two months, trying to convince myself of its truth. It hadn't worked. Every part of me had rebelled at the statement, and I had to remind myself countless times to ensure that I didn't forget that he was dead.

This time it was easy. By the end of that evening, the truth had grown too much for me to deny, and in the middle of their conversation, I said, "Heero, you're alive."

I waited breathlessly for him to vanish, and when he didn't, I laughed. It wasn't the cracked, defeated chuckle of those two months, or that hysterical one in the bedroom; this was my old laugh, the laugh behind the joker's mask, and the others recognized that as well.

Then all the urges I'd been repressing surged up to give my brain a mental kick, and I froze.

I'm sure my face was doing the most interesting dance, trying to choose between punching him and hugging him, and since I couldn't decide, I went for yelling at him.

"Where the hell _were_ you for two months?"

He cringed. He actually _cringed._

"Uhh…" he said intelligently. Heero Yuy, Perfect Soldier, lost for words?

"He was with me," Trowa interrupted, sounding wary.

_What? _"What?" I turned to stare at him.

From Quatre and Wufei's surprised looks, I presumed they hadn't known either. That was good. Two less butts to kick when this was all over.

"You knew he was alive?" My brain kicked into gear. "And you didn't tell me?"

Trowa nodded.

"Why?" It burst out of me. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked desperately.

"Listen," Trowa sighed, "Heero was really…messed up after the explosion…broken bones _everywhere_ and internal bleeding. It seemed kind of doubtful that he'd actually pull through, and I didn't want to bring your hopes up…"

I understood that. Mentally. The other part of me was still kind of caught on '_why didn't you tell me?_'

I probably looked really, really shocked.

"Oh," I said numbly, and Heero looked at me helplessly, while Trowa just looked sad and faintly guilty.

_Well, he should_, I thought a little viciously, and immediately pushed that thought away.

Trying not to sound angry, I asked, "I don't suppose you could have told me…sooner?" I succeeded; I didn't sound angry…just wretchedly plaintive.

They both looked surprised, I guess, that I wasn't blowing up at them, and even more like they'd accidentally murdered an infant or something equally horrendous.

"Not just a little earlier?" I asked, sounding suspiciously like I was on the point of begging.

Quatre looked like he was going to cry, and Wufei seemed to be wavering between murderous and sympathetic.

I couldn't help it, another tear got past my defenses and slid down my cheek. _Damn. I thought I'd finished with the crying._

I ducked my head to hide it and surreptitiously scrubbed it away.

"I'm sorry," Heero and Trowa said simultaneously, and I latched onto the sound of their heartbreakingly remorseful voices like it was a lifeline. I _really_ didn't want to get mad at them, and ruin the moment of Heero's homecoming.

"It's alright," I mumbled, forcing myself to sound normal, "I understand." And I _did,_ for those of you who think I'm lying, I _did_ understand. Just…not really well. Other Duo staggered up, looking pale and altogether unhealthy, and said weakly, _Stop lying to yourself and just hit them._

Quatre moaned in a suspiciously choked voice, "Duo…"

Bravely, I forged on, "I get it. It's okay. It's not your fault. I just wish…"

"Wish what?" Heero sounded as if he were hoping for an answer he was afraid of, and I was too tired to follow his complicated thinking.

"It's nothing," I muttered.

"No it's not," he said a bit sharply. "Tell us what you want to say."

"Go on," urged Wufei.

What was _wrong_ with them?

"Do you _want _me to get mad at you?" I cried, my voice rising.

Apparently, none of them had expected that, and so they all answered. What I got was the most peculiar mixture: "Yes (Wufei) I don't know (Quatre) if you want to (Heero) if it'll make you feel better (Trowa)."

"_Guys…_" I said, sounding anguished. I recovered control in what I thought was an admirable amount of time, and muttered, "Fat lot of help _you _were."

I thought back on their responses and snickered. I couldn't help it. It was just so…bizarre, the way they answered my question.

Soon I was full out laughing, which changed to sobbing sometime in the middle without me noticing.

I tried to shrink into myself, and rode out the sobs, quivering.

Heero appeared to be at a loss; he probably wasn't sure if I'd welcome or reject him at this stage, so I helped him.

Turning my head into his shoulder, I muttered between gasping breaths, "You guys…are so…damn…tactful…"

"Oh, Duo, we're so sorry," Heero said, and I could feel the pain just radiating off him, "So very sorry."

Finally the wail that had been in the back of my throat broke out, "I just wish you could have _told_ me!"

Wufei growled, but I refused to look at any of the other pilots, and kept my face squashed into Heero's chest.

"Just…told me a little…earlier," I whispered brokenly.

They were so quiet, and I don't even think Heero was breathing.

After my pathetic little outburst, I didn't really want to face any of them, so I forced myself into sleep, and kind of hoped I wouldn't have to wake up.

Unfortunately, I guess it's not possible to just will yourself into a coma, so I woke up the next morning in bed, with Heero, and for a while, I was happy to just hold onto him and know that none of it was a dream. Of course, that meant the part about Trowa not telling me and all that ensued was real too.

Now I felt kind of stupid, getting so worked up over such a little thing; I hadn't died in those two months and Heero was alive. Those were the really important things.

I sighed and raised my head to look at Heero. He had that wretched look on his face again, and I smiled, bringing up a hand to try to smooth those lines away.

"It's all right, Heero," I said, trying to infuse as much forgiveness as possible into those four words.

I think he heard it, but didn't quite believe it, so I suggested, "I'm hungry. Breakfast?"

He nodded and we set off to the kitchen, while he stared at me with that _sad_ look in his eyes.

Trowa was sitting at the table, and when he looked up, I saw the same almost broken look, and felt like I'd been drowning kittens.

I just didn't want to deal with them before breakfast, though, so I accepted a plate from Quatre, who knew my fetish with scrambled eggs and ketchup, and prepared them just so.

During breakfast, I don't think either Trowa or Heero ate a bite, they were staring at me so. It was really bugging me.

And for once, nobody made a derogatory comment over my choice of sauces on eggs, not even Wufei when he walked in, giving Trowa and Heero some cold looks.

This whole…acting like I would break if they said one word was starting to set my teeth on edge, and I was feeling really, really sorry I'd left them hanging on the edge like that yesterday night. They'd worked themselves into such a state…I wasn't really sure what the hell to say to them.

I finished breakfast, and set my fork down with a sigh. Quatre was eating his own almost mechanically, obviously paying more attention to me than to what went in his mouth.

"Guys, it's alright, I forgive you," I said earnestly.

They didn't believe me.

For the rest of the day, they did this careful little dance around me, making sure whenever I opened my mouth, there was someone nearby to help me, and I got the feeling that if they could, they'd be pulling out chairs for me to sit in if I complained of my foot aching.

I wasn't really mad at them anymore…now I was just annoyed, and damn sorry.

This…distance really hurt, especially with Heero. He was my _best friend_, it hurt not being able to say what I liked to him, and that he seemed to be so afraid of me.

By sunset, I was ready to scream.

And so at dinner, when they did the whole staring thing again, I decided that this had gone on long enough.

"Okay guys, this is getting freakin' ridiculous," I snapped. Everybody flinched and I forcibly dragged the sigh that was coming out of my mouth back into my throat.

"You knew that when you made your decision not to tell me, that it would probably hurt me, and it did. You sentenced me to two months of hell," I said bluntly, and they looked at me with this appalled _horror_ all over their faces.

"But I understand your reasons, and I agree that what you did was probably for the best. Seeing Heero die again probably would have…broken me, I guess." They still looked horrorstruck, but some of that damn guilt was finally fading.

"You did what you thought was best, and I can't really blame you," I said, shrugging, "I might've been really hurt about it, but I've gotten over it. So, now, you guys need to get over it too. This…acting like I'm a wild animal is really pissing me off," I growled, before I could stop it.

Now they looked even more horrified, and this time, I couldn't keep the sigh in.

"Heero is _alive_…that's all I care about, really," I turned to Trowa, trying to make him just _believe_, "you brought him back to me, and I can't tell you how grateful I am. That just pretty much negates anything you might've done, if you want to look at it that way."

Trowa seemed like he was starting to understand, and forgive himself a little, and Heero didn't look quite so sad.

"Heero, you're _alive_. Pretty much anything after that is meaningless," I said, and reached out to stroke his cheek. "Do you really think I would begrudge anything that brought back my best friend?" I asked gravely.

He shook his head mutely.

"And 'Fei," I grinned at him warmly, "you don't need to be mad at them anymore. They healed me more than hurt me, really."

That won me a small chuckle.

"Little brother? I'm all right, Trowa did the right thing."

The atmosphere after that seemed much lightened, and we all ate dinner peaceably, without those damn scared looks directed my way.

Then I was struck with a brilliant idea.

"Guys?" They looked up. "Let's go play some basketball," I chirped, grinning madly.

"Do you even have a basketball?" Wufei asked.

"Yep, I found one in the garage, and we have a court in the back, y'know."

"And the teams?" Trowa questioned.

I frowned. "I dunno…rock, paper, scissors?" I asked dubiously.

They agreed, just as dubiously.

Our teams: Heero, Wufei, and Quatre vs. Trowa and me.

We played furiously for an hour, and in the first half hour, their team shot ahead of us by more than ten points. Not only did they have Heero, who was _the_ champion of long shots, but they had Quatre, who had an almost 100 reliability of making the basket. Wufei was obviously not a bad player, either.

Our only advantage was that Trowa was taller than anybody else, and he could jump higher than Heero. I just zoomed around the court, stealing and dodging and making an odd shot here and there.

It was great, but they called an end to it a lot earlier than I would've liked, afraid that I'd do something silly…like fainting.

I swatted at them, complaining petulantly…they ignored me. As always in things concerning my health.

I sighed, and petitioned the gods or whatever was out there, "Why am I cursed to always be surrounded by mother hens?"

"Mother hen?" Wufei said indignantly.

"You are," I protested.

"_Mother_…_hen_?"

Ah…so that was the sticky point.

"Fine," I growled, "you can be a father rooster."

He opened his mouth and closed it, trying to decide if that was better than mother hen, or worse.

Quatre laughed at him, and Trowa grinned.

"Fine," Wufei said, looking terribly put upon. I smirked at him.

"Anybody else want to become a father rooster?" I asked the world at large.

"I dunno…" Trowa said, sending me a sly look, "wouldn't that make you a baby chick?"

"What?" I said, blushing hotly, "Of course not!"

"Of course," Trowa said noncommittally.

"_Heero…_" I said, looking to him for some help, but he just raised an eyebrow.

I blew a raspberry at him and he wrinkled his nose.

Then it was like things just snapped back into place, and I knew that everything would work out.

"Friends?" I asked wistfully.

"You never have to ask," Heero assured me, and from the other guy's nods, I guess he spoke for them all.

Quatre all of a sudden said, grinning wickedly, "So, why don't we mother hens and father rooster take little baby chick back to his nest now, hmm?"

"Quatre!" I threw my hands up and walked on, muttering darkly. I had the feeling I was going to be really sick of that mother hen joke before long.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

They didn't let me take missions without Heero for a while after that. I suppose I couldn't blame them. I really looked terrible, and I marveled that they'd been able to hold their protective tendencies in check during those horrible Two Months.

And I couldn't help but feel grateful for anything that allowed me to wake up each day wrapped up in Heero's arms.

I suppose we were _really_ close for best friends, the little furtive glances I got from the others were proof that _they_ certainly thought that, but hey…I guess we were just really affectionate best friends. That's not a crime or anything, is it? I was just glad they didn't know we slept together, that would like be pouring gasoline on already fairly large fire of suspicion.

So here we were, at another high school. In the past couple of weeks, I'd gained back half of the weight I lost, and didn't look like a skeleton anymore. I was glad. I didn't like staring into the mirror to find a stranger. It's kind of…disconcerting.

Now, back to the high school. Gods. High school meant girls and girls meant crazy fan clubs. Heero and I had squirmed wildly to avoid these kinds of missions, but couldn't escape this one.

Quatre and the others had had some…alarming experiences with girls at high school, but their popularity was nothing like ours. Or at least the one time we'd gone together.

Our mission this time: assassination. A traitor had been discovered, and he was pretty high up, from what I heard. He fled to the safest building in the Oz network: their headquarters.

He wasn't to be allowed to live; he had way too much critical information, and he was a traitor. Simple as that.

So…we infiltrate headquarters, which is no walk in the park, kill one guy, and somehow, among all the ringing bells and running people, get out in one piece. Hmm. Seemed like a freakin' kamikaze mission to me.

We weren't even allowed to just blow up the freakin' building because that would not be 'profitable for our cause.' I don't know why the hell not, but orders were orders.

And you know what? To make this mission even better than it already was, guess who was also going to this school?

Yep, you got it, Relena Peacecraft.

You had to kind of wonder what the hell she was doing in a school so near Oz headquarters, but I guess Oz was more concerned with us Gundam pilots than her because they weren't trying to kill her but were frantically trying to find out who we were and eliminate us.

I'm sort of surprised they don't have reward posters everywhere.

As we were walking in, Heero heaved another sigh. I took his hand, and said, "It's alright, let's just try to avoid her, okay?"

"I can't," he hissed, "wherever I go, she's there. I don't know how she does it."

Heero is totally fearless…except when it comes to girls. He gets a lot of credit for not turning tail and running away the moment he read 'Relena Peacecraft,' okay?

I sighed, "Jeb…" This time, we decided to choose each other's names, and I had searched a name book for practically an hour, waiting for the perfect name. I never knew that looking at names could be so…fascinating. And when I saw 'beloved friend,' I knew that was the one I was going to give Heero. When I told him its meaning, he'd looked at me with the strangest light in his eyes, and then smiled a little crookedly. I was absolutely mesmerized by that smile…it was almost impossibly…charming.

His choice for me was Keefe, which he said meant handsome, and I scowled at him, demanding if he wanted to jinx me when there were high school girls within a hundred foot radius. So, he was Jeb Lowe, and I was Keefe O'Malley.

Then we were interrupted by an overbearing school official, who gave us a really quick tour, and I could see Heero getting tenser and tenser, especially as we passed girls who stared blatantly at him, and my braid too, I think.

The lady dumped us in our dorm room with barely a by your leave. I sighed. Somehow we had incurred the wrath of a teacher and before we'd even started school, too.

I closed the door and walked over to Heero to clasp him in a tight hug. I still found his hugs so very precious, after it took me so long to attain them. I couldn't help but feel a fierce satisfaction that I was the only person he allowed that close to him.

He hugged me back so forcefully I squeaked, and his arms loosened instantly. I raised my head from his shoulder to grin at him, and realized with a shock, that somehow, despite the growth-stunting drugs the scientists had fed us, he had shot up another inch.

"Hee-ell, Jeb!" I said, wincing at my slip, "you've grown taller!" Before, the top of my head had brushed his forehead, now I barely touched his nose.

"I have, haven't I?" he said, a little surprised.

I scowled. "At this rate, you're going to grow as tall as Mr. Silent," I grumbled.

On undercover missions, we each had our little codenames. Trowa was obviously Mr. Silent, and though I wanted to call Wufei 'Mr. Moody,' I wasn't sure how he'd react, so we settled on calling him Ponytail Boy. His reaction to _that _one was _funny_. Remember I told you I found bug-eyed looks hilarious? Yep, they certainly were and are. I insisted on calling Quatre 'Bumblebee,' which no one understood but me. 'Member? Quatre: bees, Trowa: honey. Heero was Mr. Perfect and I'm told they call me 'Our Precious Gem.'

The look on my face when they told me that must've been damn strange because I distinctly remember Wufei laughing for practically ten minutes straight.

I bet he was the one who thought it up too, just to see my reaction. Bastard.

We stayed inside our dorm all afternoon, and didn't even go out for dinner. We were both sort of bolstering up courage, I suppose, for the next day, for Relena Peacecraft and just girls in general.

I sincerely, sincerely hoped that it wasn't going to turn out like that debacle of screaming girls it did last time.

At 2000 hours, we just crawled into bed together, and I used my 'soothing voice,' trying to get Heero calm enough to fall asleep. Soon enough, sleep claimed him, and I followed soon after, still kind of bemused that I didn't have to worry about nightmares.

The next morning, we tried to make a quiet entrance into the cafeteria, we really did.

But the moment we walked in, the entire place fell silent, and every single head turned to stare at us avidly. Gods, I thought, we're not really _that_ interesting, are we? These guys need a TV or something.

The air around Heero practically froze, and I could feel all his defenses going up so fast, I was surprised I couldn't hear the walls snapping into place.

It was sort of freaky, watching his glares crackle at the whole room where just minutes before, his eyes were smiling at me, but boy, was it effective.

Cowed, everybody turned away, and allowed us to fetch breakfast and eat it in peace.

Our classes went by, for the most part, in a blur of boringness. In fact, I think that the entire education system has perfected its technique of boring the hell out of its students. I wondered if schools long ago were this dull. I wondered if they _had_ schools long ago enough that they weren't boring.

Our merging with the rest of the students was rather rocky. Heero's glares for one, obviously set us out, and so did my braid and purple eyes.

That was made clear to me rather forcibly while I was waiting for Heero next to the bathroom.

"Hey, pretty boy," I heard a voice drawl on my left side, and I whirled.

It was a rather cruel-looking boy, older than me and way taller. I suppose some people would have called him handsome, but there was a creepy light in his eyes that made me want to crawl under a bed and hide.

_Waitaminute…pretty boy?_ "What the hell did you just call me?" I asked angrily.

"Pretty boy," he smirked, "with your hair, and your eyes, I think you fit the criteria perfectly."

He leered. "You know what pretty boys are good for?"

I felt trapped, with my back to the wall. "I'm not a pretty boy, whatever the hell you're talking about, so piss off."

He took a step closer, and I tensed, ready to spring at him. Heero walked out of the bathroom, and took in the scene swiftly.

He looked at the boy, and I could feel him tensing right along with me. He obviously didn't like that strange look in the guy's eyes anymore than I did.

"Who are you?" he growled.

A little taken aback, the guy said, "I'm called Chase." I could see him reassessing the situation, and he backed off, with just one threat.

"Until later, pretty boy," he purred, and left.

The air left me in a gasp, and I relaxed, finding with no little alarm that I was trembling.

"Are you all right, Keefe?" Heero asked, his concern almost palpable.

"I'm fine, Jeb. He just surprised me, that's all."

He placed a hand on my shoulder to gauge my tension, and discovered my obvious trembling, "You're shaking," he said uneasily. "Who _was_ that guy?"

"I don't know…just some bully, I guess," I said dismissively, "don't worry."

"Keefe…" He looked at me searchingly.

"I'll be fine," I managed a weak grin, "let's just stay away from him, okay?"

"All right, Keefe," he agreed reluctantly, but didn't press me for more.

That night, we celebrated having eluded Relena Peacecraft for an entire day, and _not_ being mobbed by girls.

But then it was time to work on our mission. This one had a time limit…we had to kill the guy, if possible, by the third night, and we'd already wasted one, so we spent the entire night reconnoitering the headquarters, and hacking into their security system.

All in all, we only got one hour of sleep, and the day dawned way too bright and way too early for us.

I yawned my way through Math, English, and Science, and nodded off during History, waking up only when the bell rang.

Then, it happened. Relena discovered Heero. She fell on him like a starving wolf on sheep, and the hungry look in her eyes only reinforced my analogy.

For the rest of the day, she followed him around like a puppy…a very scary, pink puppy. Finally, we holed up in our dorms, and when dinner rolled around, I offered to go get it so he wouldn't have to brave the outside world again.

I grabbed some bag…dinners at the cafeteria, and headed back.

When I turned the corner, and saw Chase leaning against the wall, my stomach plummeted, and I grimaced.

He uncoiled from his lazy position as I walked closer, and I glared at him, daring him to get near. He took the dare, and one better.

He slammed me against the wall, and I was so surprised, even my swift soldier instincts didn't kick in.

"Pretty boy," he said, looking down at me predatorily, "where's your friend?"

I was frozen with fear. I had pretty much figured out what he wanted to do, and I remembered L2 with a flash. I was a little street rat again, pinned to the wall by an obviously drunk man. That day, I was so afraid I was going to become one of those street kids that just up and disappeared, only to be found dead days later. But right before he could deliver my first kiss, he'd fainted. _Fainted. _I couldn't believe my luck, and for a while after that, I had avoided drunks like the plague. The fear I'd felt when he had pressed himself against me all rushed back in a paralyzing rush.

_Run!_ My mind screamed, and I struggled mindlessly and ineffectively for a minute.

"You don't have to pretend," he said, "I know what you like. I saw the looks you gave that Asian kid."

I gaped at him. Heero! My best friend? I couldn't…

He took advantage of my frozen state by licking my earlobe, and I just snapped.

The soldier flooded back into me, and coolly, I kneed him in the groin.

He gave a sharp gasp, and let go of my hands, doubling over. Then, I punched him in the face. Hard. I think I heard his nose break.

I sort of vaguely remember picking up our dinners, and then after that it was just this feeling of needing Heero, needing his arms around me to soothe the memory away.

I scrabbled at the door to our room, my hands shaking with reaction, and then flung myself in, slamming the door closed.

He looked up, sitting at his lab top, and said in a distressed voice, "Keefe?"

I dropped the bags on the floor and just flew at him, almost knocking him off sideways from the chair.

I tried to curl myself into his arms, and he picked me up and laid us on the bed. I felt like I was about to shiver myself to pieces, and tried to make myself even smaller.

Remembering the feeling of his tongue on my ear, I whimpered.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Heero asked in a frantic voice, and I realized that I was scaring him out of his wits with my shaking and moaning.

I managed in a strained voice, "I'm fine."

"Don't be an idiot, Keefe," he growled, "something happened and you're going to tell me what."

I refused to answer.

Suddenly, he said in a moment of insight, "It was that guy, Chase, right?"

I stiffened, and he said coldly, "What the hell did he do to you?"

"N-Nothing important," I said, cringing from his angry tone.

"Keefe…" he said warningly.

"Nothing, it was nothing," I said, pulling myself from his arms to sit on the edge, back facing him, "I was just careless, that's all."

"What did he do to you?" Heero said in his iciest voice, and I flinched. Softer, he said, "Keefe, I'm not mad at you, I just want to know."

I deflated. "He just slammed me in the wall and tried to kiss me, that's all," I sighed, thinking that that was a pretty stupid thing to get so panicked over.

"_What?_" Heero ground out. I didn't want to turn around and see that furious look in his eyes, so I didn't.

Then he reached out and pulled me in again, and I sighed.

"I'm sorry; it's really silly of me to get all freaked out over that."

He was silent for a moment, and then said, unexpectedly, "I don't think it's silly. I think you had a perfectly acceptable reason to…freak out."

"Really?" I couldn't help the hope that crept into my voice.

"Yes."

Then he said in a murderous tone of voice, "And where is he?"

"I dunno, somewhere back there," I made a vague gesture indicating the direction. "Why?"

"So I can go kill him," he said matter-of-factly.

"Jeb!" I drew back, trying not to laugh.

"What?"

"It's alright, you don't need to _kill_ him. I've already broken his nose." I admitted.

"That's all? At the very least, you should've broken both his arms _and _his nose too," he looked at me doubtfully.

I laughed, and snuggled into him. "Thanks, Jeb, you're the greatest."

"You're welcome, Keefe," he said, and his voice was like a caress.

We gobbled down our dinners, then prepared for nightfall. It was a given that we'd go for the kill tonight; too many factors not to: our orders, Relena, Chase.

But first, I went to the bathroom and scrubbed my ear with soap until it was raw.

"Keefe?" Heero stared at me. "What's wrong with your ear?"

"Just felt like washing it," I said nonchalantly.

He grunted and leaned against the doorway. Then he just stared at me until I broke.

Totally humiliated, I said in a revolted tone of voice, "He licked it."

His eyes darkened angrily.

"It's all right," I told him, "I washed him off."

He grunted again, and then left the bathroom. I wasn't sure to be relieved or disappointed.

Then Chase's lascivious voice came back to me, _"I saw the looks you gave that Asian kid." _What looks? He was my best friend, of course I looked at him fondly, maybe even lovingly…but not lovingly in _that_ way, right?

Yeah, I decided, he just misinterpreted them. Well…not that I don't like boys, but it's not like that with Heero. Is it? It couldn't be…

I was so…confused, and on the brink of banging my head into the wall, so I decided that _after_ the mission, I'd figure it out. Distractions could be deadly in our line of work. A fancy excuse for delaying something I didn't want to know.

The sun was minutes within setting, and I bounded out of the bathroom, smiling at Heero. Silently, we packed our things, Heero was always afraid of the rooms being bugged, no matter _how_ unlikely it was…hence the reason we always called each other by our codenames even in the privacy of our dorms.

Getting into the building was a piece of cake. Heero's hacking skills made it possible.

We found our subject reading a book in a leather chair smack dab in the middle of the building. He didn't even see us coming.

Then, of all the things, a girl walked in from the bathroom, saw us standing over the guy's body, and screamed.

God, what a scream she had. We overwhelmed her and gagged her within seconds of stepping in the room, with the shriek still ringing in our ears. She was like a freakin' banshee.

We don't really like to kill innocents, but that wasted precious time. I didn't doubt that somebody had heard the commotion, and that we'd have the whole building on us in a matter of minutes.

Okay, we had to come up with a plan. A plan, plan, umm…shit!

I flipped my gun up to fire, but Heero took him down first.

Right…maybe we should just run like hell and hope we don't die. Gods, what a disaster.

And that's exactly what we did. I think we broke a track record, dashing from one end of the building to the other in record time.

My lungs felt about ready to burst by the end of that, but it was worth it.

Nobody even stopped us, and the alarm went up just as we flung ourselves out.

Wow, I thought, that was easy. Frightening beyond belief, but hell of easy.

We were back at the safehouse before morning.

We slept for the rest of the day and through the night, only waking up sporadically when Wufei brought us something to eat. That awful incident with Chase was pretty much pushed into the back of my mind, with the one with the drunk guy.

The next day, I found out something very…perplexing.

While looking through that book of names again, just because I was bored, and Heero was washing, I found the name Heero had given me. _Keefe: Handsome, beloved._

I think my mind went on vacation for a few minutes, because the only thing that registered was, _Hey, look, both of our names had 'beloved' in it. How cool!_

After a while, it hit me exactly what 'beloved' _meant_, and my mind got stuck on _Uhhh…_

I'm sure Heero was a little disturbed when he walked into the room to see my staring at a book like it had just told me Heero would live to the ripe old age of 705 and get married to a baboon.

"Duo?" he asked.

I looked up, and then said, "Uhhh…hi, Heero."

There was a moment's silence, before my mouth said without my permission, "Did you know that Keefe meant beloved?"

He just halted, right there, and stared at me. I thought I saw a bit of surprise flicker across his face, and that cinched it for me. "You didn't know, huh, Heero?" I asked, with a wry smile.

When he didn't say anything, I assumed he'd been struck dumb by the fact that he'd been calling me 'beloved' for two days, and grinned engagingly at him, "It's all right, Heero, I don't mind."

A fire flared in his eyes, and I hastened to explain, "It was an honest mistake. I'm not going to blow up at you just because you didn't read the whole thing. 'Sides, I like Keefe. It's a good name."

The fire was snuffed out just like that, and I felt inexplicably bad.

He turned away, and I caught a glimpse of a clenched fist, knuckles white. "That's…good," he said, and I heard a terrible ache in his voice.

Briefly, I wondered about that, before feeling something crack inside of me at the realization that he _hadn't_ known what he was calling me. What was that cracking? It felt…excruciatingly…painful…

When I had recovered from the wholly unexpected pain, Heero was gone, and I got the feeling that I'd hurt him. Really, really hurt him, as bad as if I had stabbed him through the heart.

I wasn't really sure what I'd done, and was still reeling from the sudden…heart cramp, was what I called it, but I staggered up to look for him.

But he was gone. I looked everywhere, and when Wufei told me he'd suddenly got called away on a mission, I could've cried.

Where was he? He was hurting; I could almost _feel_ it. That look in his eyes before he turned away…

Why? What had happened to him? Was it something I did? Something I said? I wanted him back so I could fix it, make him better.

I wanted Heero back.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I wanted to cry. To scream. To throw things and break things. It was incredible…freakin' unbelievable. I think the gods were conspiring to keep me away from Heero.

I hadn't seen him for three weeks.

Every single time I got back from a mission, I'd find out that Heero had _just_ been called away, and every time _just_ before he came back, I was notified of another one for me.

And if the gods weren't conspiring against us, then I wondered if the scientists were doing it, and then I wanted to kill them.

My nightmares had come back, and come back with a vengeance, now that I didn't have Heero to ward them off.

I'd begun losing weight again.

The other pilots told me Heero was looking pretty bad, and tired to the bone, and I couldn't do anything. It was killing me.

Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei were worried about both of us, and it was taking its toll on them as well.

Wufei had broken his leg, and Quatre got knifed.

That meant I had even less of a chance for meeting Heero, since their missions got passed onto us. I hated myself for being angry at them for getting injured.

So here I was, on another damn mission.

I swore. How they hell did I end up here? Somehow they'd chased me to the edge of a cliff.

So I had two choices now: face down ten hulking guys carrying guns that could drill holes through three people at a time, or the water a thousand feet below. With rocks. Sharp rocks.

Joy.

A bullet whizzed by my air and I made a split second decision, and dove off the cliff.

I hit the water with a clean dive, missing a nasty looking rock by inches, before a powerful wave smashed me right into it.

I gasped as I felt several ribs bend, and gulped down some wonderful seawater.

Then I saw a bullet hurtle through the water a few feet away, and thought, _What the hell? They're shooting into the damn water!_

Damn, I needed some air. I stuck my head out for just a bare mouthful of air, before sticking it back into the safety of the water.

I swam to the left, imagining their vicious little bullets thudding into my back, and dove down a little lower.

Reluctantly, I went back up for some air, and cocked my head, listening for the distinctive sounds of bullets impacting water. There were none.

I could've cheered.

Unfortunately, I was back up where the waves were, and again, I was smashed into a rock. This time I think I felt a couple ribs crack. Ow. Then it unwrapped me from the rock, and wham! Smashed me right back. Really, really ow.

Somehow I managed to swim the last few meters without any more unarranged encounters with the forbidding exterior of a rock, staggered out of the water, and collapsed on the beach, panting.

Damn. The way this day was going, I'd be lucky if I didn't get hypothermia.

Okay, now I needed to get back up the cliff. Well…hell. I should've taken my chances with those goons.

I scanned the unwelcoming rock face, and noticed a trail. A trail with people climbing down it.

"_Shit!_"

They hadn't seen me yet, which was strange, but hey, count your blessings and all that crap, remember?

I scrambled back into the water, and splashed around frantically for a moment, before a current grabbed hold of me and carried me past a nice large boulder.

My mind shrieked _shelter!_ Not willing to let an opportunity pass me by, I grabbed onto a ledge, and hung on for dear life.

Dimly, over the roar of the water, I heard shouting, and just hoped they wouldn't think that anyone was idiotic enough to hide in the water like this. Or that they were too lazy to swim out here and check. Or that they did check, and got impaled on a rock.

That last scenario was actually the most pleasing, and for a moment, grinning, I forgot about my ribs, and the rock and the water.

I don't know how long I stayed there, hearing fractured moments of yelling, before they were overwhelmed by the roaring, waiting for the time when I couldn't hear a single voice, even above the waves.

I finally felt safe enough after I think what must've been two hours, and I was absolutely frozen. I was a Duopopsicle.

My hands were literally stuck to the rock, and it took every ounce of strength I had to make myself let go. My joints were glued together, I think, and even afterward, my hands were like claws. The palms were almost torn to ribbons, from the edge of the rock cutting into them every single time my body surged or rushed up with the water.

That's when I remembered the current. Oops. I was dragged backwards again, and when my hands hit the water, I think I screamed.

Ouch. Salt. You know, I really hate this day.

I want Heero.

At that thought, I began to struggle against the current, and somehow, using superhuman strength that I had no idea I had, I forced myself out of its path.

Then I saw the shore. It seemed billions of miles away. I forced back a moan. C'mon, I can do this. I'm not going to die here, drowning in the water, and never see the others again. I just want to see Heero one last time. Please.

My hands had gone beyond pain now, and swimming was really, really agonizing. Ever tried to gasp air into burning lungs with broken ribs? How do I put this? Don't. It hurts. Like hell.

Everything following after that was kind of a 'somehow.' _Somehow_ I got back to shore. _Somehow _I finished the climb up the cliff on the trail. _Somehow_ I managed to hotwire a car and drive it without crashing into anyone. Personally, I'm really quite proud of that fact. And then _somehow _I ditched the car miles away from our safehouse and tottered all the way there without collapsing once. I think it took me a few days to get through all that. I only stopped to sleep when I was about to drop from exhaustion, and I was still kind of afraid that I wouldn't be able to wake up. But the nightmares took care of _that_ problem.

Oh yeah…and remember that part about hypothermia? My hopes were dashed most unpleasantly. Pneumonia seemed rather likely now, and I was sure I had some kind of congestion in my lungs.

I'd discovered, with a sort of numb horror, that I was coughing blood.

The mantra that kept me moving those nightmarish few days was, _I want see Heero, I want to see Heero._

Yeah, I know I'm pathetic.

And here I was, finally at the safehouse…for a moment I was sure I was hallucinating, and tried to step through the house, only to bang my ankle most painfully.

I yelped quietly, and stared at my ankle with amazement.

After a few really, really slow minutes, I figured out that if my ankle hurt, that meant that whatever it hit, had been real. If the stairs were real, then logically, the rest of the house was real as well.

I reeled up the steps drunkenly, trying to go as fast as possible, and only succeeded on almost falling flat on my face.

The door took me what seemed an eternity to open, since my hand kept missing the doorknob, and I was just glad it wasn't locked.

Okay, this was a one story building…that made me really happy. Now…if I could just _find_ the others.

I navigated my way unstably past looming walls and pieces of furniture.

The whole place seemed empty, and I was starting to wonder if I'd come to the wrong place, or that I really was just hallucinating the whole thing.

I realized I probably _was_ imagining things when the walls started whirling around me, and the floor seemed to be tilting forward, backward, to the side, like I was on a rocking boat.

My room. Our room. There it was, ahead of me.

Well, even if this was a product of my delirium, maybe if I opened the door, I could imagine Heero into being, smiling at me. Wouldn't be a bad way to die, I suppose.

So I did. My hand was strangely steady as I turned the doorknob, and as I stared into the room, my vision narrowed down to Heero, sitting in the room, in front of his lab top.

He didn't look up at me, though, and I tried to grin. Even my imaginary Heero gets absorbed into his computer.

"Yes Quatre?" he asked, and I turned to see if Quatre was behind me. He wasn't.

"I'm not hungry," he said, and his voice sounded…wooden, worse than when I first met him. I wondered what sort of loops my psyche was going through to produce this kind of hallucination.

I just looked at him, drinking up the sight of Heero, albeit a haggard, defeated-looking one. I hoped the real Heero didn't look like that.

I examined this one critically. He'd lost weight, and he had dark shadows under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't washed in a while, and his hair was messier than usual.

"Quatre," he said, annoyance adding a small spark to that too-dead voice, "I _said_ I'm not hungry."

Well, I thought defiantly, it's _my_ hallucination. I can go with the flow if I want.

"Well you _should_ be," I grated. Damn. My voice was a hell of a lot worse than hoarse.

He raised his head slowly, and finally, finally gave me a look at his blue eyes. Oh gods, they looked so real, so Heero.

He stared at me, motionless as a statue.

"_Duo?_" Ah, finally some life in his voice.

"Hey Heero," I grinned tiredly, "I finally get to see you again. Even if it's in my imagination."

He looked a bit bewildered by my choice of words, but kept staring at me.

Then, all of a sudden, he wasn't sitting anymore, he was standing, and then he was across the room in front of me.

I swayed a little, adjusting my sight to the sudden shift, and he reached out a hand to steady me.

Everything seemed to be dropping away, my pain, my cough, my tiredness, and I murmured, "Heero? Give me a hug before you leave?"

There was a split-second pause, and then he jerked me into his arms, and again, the whole thing seemed so believable; I wondered at my imagination…it seemed it could remember things so much better than my own mind.

Heero's muscled arms, chest, hands, the feel of his heart beating and how his breath stirred the hairs on top of my head, the crook of his shoulder.

I sank into his warmth, and just…drifted away.

After that, instead of meeting up with God (if there was one) and being condemned to hell, as I had expected, things were really vague and confusing.

There were bright lights, and I was lying on my back, and Wufei was urging me to just _hold on._

Quatre pleading, _Don't die, big brother_, with Trowa standing behind him, a worried frown on his face.

Heero. Heero sitting next to me, holding my hand, Heero moving something moist over my face, Heero telling me to live. Heero waking me up from a nightmare in which he exploded in front of me, the current carrying me away from his pleading face. Heero with tears on his face. Okay, the rest might've been real, but _that _one had to be a figment of my imagination.

Sometime, during all those befuddling flashes of the other guys, I realized that I _wasn't_ dead, and that I was in a hospital.

And then I woke up. Ugh. Did I mention I hate bright lights?

Reorienting myself, I looked to where I thought Heero usually was, and voila! There he was, asleep.

Or at least I thought he was asleep until he moved.

"Heero?" I said, and found to my great surprise, that my voice wasn't all that bad after all.

He lifted his head, and this most _relieved_ look, along with a few other emotions I couldn't read, flashed across his face. "Duo, you're awake."

"Yeah," I agreed, "…how long has it been?"

"Four days."

"_Four days?_" I gasped. Why is it every time I decide to take a nosedive onto the floor, it takes four damn days?

"Yes."

"Christ, what _happened_ to me?"

"Exhaustion, pneumonia, a punctured lung, lacerations across your palms, and four broken ribs." He rattled them off like he'd memorized them.

"Oh. Yeah."

He made as if to stand up, and I said, remembering, "You…you don't have a mission to go to…do you?"

He sat back down with this most horrible look of self-loathing in his eyes, and said, "No. No missions."

"Can I have a hug?" I asked almost timidly.

"_Of course,_" he breathed, "just make sure I don't hurt you."

"Don't worry," I said, "my ribs are fine. They don't hurt at all."

He was still holding me when a nurse walked in with a tray. She stopped, stared at us, took another step, stopped again, and stared at us some more.

I suddenly realized what we probably looked like, and blushing, I started to pull away, but Heero merely tightened his hold.

He glared at the nurse, and she just…wilted.

"Put the tray on the table," Heero growled, and she did, automatically responding to the tone of command in his voice.

Then she walked out, visibly cowed.

"Heero," I reproached him, but he merely said righteously,

"She interrupted our hug."

I laughed at him.

We eventually got around to feeding me…the part I dreaded.

I really _hated_ not being able to feed myself, and I was quite capable of moving my arm around, thank you very much, even if I did have huge, bulky bandages on my hands. But Heero _insisted_, you know, in that tone of voice that sends armies packing, and I gave in. Not graciously, but I did.

Just as I was finishing the last portion of whatever that hospital food was, everybody else walked in.

There were several exclamations of, "Duo! You're awake!"

"Hey guys," I said, their obvious happiness at seeing me up instantly bringing a smile to my face.

Quatre rushed at me, but checked himself at the last second, reaching for my hand, and held himself back again at Heero's warning growl. His hands fluttered above me uncertainly, and he glanced wistfully at the chokehold Heero had my braid in, but settled for wrapping himself around my arm. Looking at me with those soulful blue eyes of his, he said solemnly, "We thought we'd lost you, big brother."

Heero grunted, and his hands twitched, as if he wanted to tug me back into the protective circle of his arms; a sort of cloud cloaked the room as the others remembered those days I'd disappeared.

"Hey," I joked, trying to lighten the mood, "two bullets and an army of Ozzies couldn't keep me away, what makes you think a bad cold and some cracked ribs could do the job?"

They didn't seem to appreciate my attempt at levity.

"A hell of a lot more than a bad cold and cracked ribs," Wufei said soberly. The rest nodded their agreement.

I sighed. "It _was_ a bit close," I admitted.

"You vanished for three days and the last reports we got of you were that you'd drowned in the ocean," Trowa informed me pretty steadily.

"Oh," I said, taken aback, and added lamely, "Well, um, I didn't." _Nearly did, though_, Other Duo reminded me.

I fiddled with my bangs since my braid was temporarily…inaccessible, chewing on a strand thoughtfully: a habit I really needed to break.

I tasted salt, and spat it back out.

"_Ugh_," I said, disgusted, and scrutinized my braid closely, discovering that the whole thing was crusted with salt.

"We tried to rinse some of the salt out," Quatre said, "but we didn't want to take out your braid." He looked at me for my…approval, I guess.

I instantly forgave them the mess my hair was in, _as if it was their fault_, I chided myself, and beamed at them brightly.

Quatre seemed to perk up almost immediately, and I wondered that so little could make him so happy. Being an older brother does have its responsibilities.

I reached out to ruffle his hair, only to have my hand immediately grabbed by Heero, who cautioned, "Duo, your hands!"

Oh yeah. I scowled. Hand wounds are such a pain.

"What _happened_ to them?" he asked abruptly, and I had to actually think for a moment.

"I cut them on a rock," I evaded.

"What the hell did you do?" Wufei asked almost angrily. "Take the rock and slice your palms to the bone?"

"No, I was just holding onto a damn boulder in the middle of a damn riptide flow," I snapped back, reacting to his angry tone.

They stared at me for a moment.

"Riptide?" That came from Trowa.

"Uh…yeah. I was hiding."

"And _why_ were you hiding in the water?" Wufei this time.

_What was with the damn interrogation?_

"_Because,_" I said sullenly, "I'd just jumped off a bloody cliff."

Nobody seemed to know what to say, and they had those goddamn _scared_ looks again.

"You jumped off a cliff," Quatre said faintly.

"Look," I said, totally exasperated now, "it's not like I had any choice. It was either that, or get blown to pieces."

I winced at the way Heero was literally strangling my braid.

Oops. Well…this was definitely not reassuring them, and if I didn't want everyone in full 'protect Duo from the deadly ant gasp' mode, I'd better do something. Fast.

"It's all right, guys," I soothed desperately, "We've all been in pretty dangerous situations before, and we've all survived. Just because I had a close call recently doesn't mean I'm one foot past death's door."

"No," Trowa agreed; I perked up, "you were past that."

Damn. It hadn't worked.

"Guys…" I looked at them warily, "You're going to insist on babying me and acting like a little paper cut will kill me no matter what I say, aren't you?"

They looked a little bit sheepish, but more determined than ever.

I sighed.

And for the entire stay at the hospital, five days, I was fussed over like there was no tomorrow.

It was…oddly infuriating. I wanted to wallop them and hug them at the same time, but couldn't fix on either, so there was nothing for me to do but meekly accept their ministrations.

Okay, maybe not _meekly,_ exactly, but I didn't threaten to disembowel anyone.

And, well, every single time I thought that Quatre had worried about my eating habits just a _little_ too agitatedly, or Wufei asked me if I was comfortable one too many, my outburst would die in my throat before it even had time to fester.

See, every single time I felt myself reach my breaking point, I would see Trowa giving me this tender little look, or feel the way Heero would lay me back down so considerately, _caringly_, and even if they had the words 'Kick me here' painted on their ass, I don't think I could have booted them one if my life depended on it.

That sort of _kindness_ just kind of makes a guy's resentment wither and die.

I admit, I had been kind of unreasonably mad at Heero for just up and disappearing for three weeks, which brought back too many bad memories from the time he'd almost died, but you know what? The moment I saw Heero, he was forgiven. Just like that. How freakin' pathetic is that?

_Pretty_ freakin' pathetic.

I think that, during my…er, rehabilitation, while I was still stuck in la-la-land, I'd rambled a lot about him. I vaguely recall talking about wanting to see Heero just once again before I died, and asking, begging, really, for the times I realized he was there, not to leave me.

How very…humiliating. I really hope that that was a false memory. I'm afraid that it probably wasn't, though.

Nope, from the pains Heero obviously took _not_ to leave me, I'd probably _really _scared him with my pleading. He practically left notes when he left for the bathroom, and I think scheduled times for the others to come so he could take a five minute shower.

And, well, I guess I fully justified his fears.

We were back to sleeping together again, but this time, the mere presence of Heero couldn't keep all my nightmares away. It wasn't a dream I remembered having before.

Yeah. _Another_ one to add to my already pretty impressive collection of nightmares.

It was a simple dream, not one of those dreadfully complicated ones that just confuse the hell out of me. To summarize, I just _could not_ find Heero. It was like he'd fallen from the face of the earth. And, sadly enough, it was placed into the category of 'Dreams that Make Me a Panicked Wreck.'

There are five categories in all: 'Dreams that Make me Angry,' 'Dreams that Make Me Want to Cry,' 'Dreams that Have Me Shivering for Hours,' 'Dreams that Wake Me up Screaming,' and lastly, 'Dreams that Make Me a Panicked Wreck.' From least frightening to most, in that order.

Gods.

Heero woke me up from it with a rather panicked look himself, and I clutched him so hard I think I heard some bones creak.

Heero's hold on me was just as frantic, though, and I could hear him making whispered reassurances.

Slowly, after what seemed like an eternity, I calmed down enough to loosen my frenzied grip a fraction, and force my rattling breaths to slow.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, though I'm not really sure why. Maybe for waking him up, or scaring him so badly.

Again, there was that feeling of self-loathing so strong, it was practically tangible, emanating from Heero's suddenly still form, and again, I was so surprised by it, that I couldn't think of a thing to say.

"Don't be. I'm the one who should be sorry."

_Huh?_

"I have no intention," he squeezed harder, "of ever leaving you again."

In those words, I could hear the sound of a vow being made.

"Heero…" I said, and was just totally drained of energy in the next moment, and I just kind of let go.

My body sort of collapsed into Heero's, both of us on our sides, facing each other, legs entwined and my face in his shoulder.

I slipped away with the sound of his promise echoing in my ears, and the feeling of a feathery-light brush of something soft against my forehead.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The next day I was checked out, _walking_ on my own two feet because I'd nearly thrown an epileptic fit when they tried to convince me to sit in a freakin' wheelchair. I didn't even bruise my legs; there was no way I was gonna be rolled out of the hospital like a damn invalid. My ribs were _fine_, thanks to our astonishing…metabolism or whatever the hell you call it. I just had to avoid bending and any _strenuous_ behavior for a week and I'd be good as new.

I sort of got the feeling that the doctor thought Heero and I were…um, more than best friends when he leveled a stern look at each of us while stressing the word, "strenuous."

Probably the fault of a gossiping nurse.

In fact, I think the whole floor knew of our 'relationship' because they never tried to push Heero out during anything, let him stay way past visiting hours, and I'm pretty sure I saw somebody peeking in on us a few times at night.

Most of them seemed to findit allincredibly…sweet and I wondered if Heero was as uncomfortable as I was. If he felt awkward at all, though, he didn't show it. Of course, I've never actually _seen_ the guy awkward before, so that might be a moot point.

I was advised to be _very _careful with my hands, keeping them wrapped as much as possible, changing them everyday, and applying as little pressure as possible to the palms until they had healed up nicely. An infection at this point could still have fatal consequences.

Well, no heavy-lifting for a while, I see. And no missions either, for at least another two weeks. I kind of waffled between a guilty relief, because the other guys would have to fill in for me, and a guilty disappointment.

As for my pneumonia treatment, it was finally, _finally_ done. The damn thing actually hurt _more_ than the actual pneumonia, and the others had to practically strap me down to the bed to take it.

Incidentally, I really despised the freakin' pneumonia treatment. In case you couldn't tell.

Yeah, so I had to stay warm, too, because we didn't want a relapse, did we?

Also, I'm supposed to eat lots of healthy foods regularly. Did I mention I'd somehow managed to lose twelve and half pounds on that mission of crap?

All in all, I was pretty damn grumpy by the time I was ushered out, the other guys bristling around me, so high-strung from all those damn warnings I thought they'd pull a gun on a butterfly if it tried to flutter onto my hair, and sending glares all around that made little kids pee in their pants.

I was just wondering if we shouldn't just stick me in a freakin' incubator, and be done with it.

And hell if one of the nurses didn't actually tell Heero in front of everybody else to, "Be good to your boyfriend." The other guys threw us some startled, speculative looks that lasted about ten seconds before being replaced by something else.

You know, I _really_ hate those smug, I-told-you-so looks.

Yep, I was one _unhappy_ camper.

I wasn't even happy to be leaving the hospital. If anything, the guys were going to be stricter about following all those stupid instructions than the doctors themselves.

I scowled indiscriminately at all of them as we piled into the car; Trowa driving. He was the only one old enough to actually _legally_ drive. The rest of us were all fifteen, and he was sixteen. Well…I was pretty sure I was fifteen anyway. Orphaned street kids don't normally have birth certificates or anything.

I suppose I was glad that the guys didn't decide to be blithering idiots and ask me if I was warm enough or any of that crap, because otherwise, that wellspring of frustration and anger would've boiled over and scalded them. Badly.

And you know, even if I _was_ this aggravated mass of annoyance, I don't think I wanted to erupt at them anymore than they did, so I huddled into Heero's waiting arms and shut the whole world out. For a while.

Okay…this was worse than I had imagined.

The moment I stepped out of the car, Heero had his arm around my waist - I presumeto keep me from the almost nonexistent possibility of falling over. Quatre was at the stove in a flash, and I just _knew_ he was preparing something disgustingly full of vitamins and protein. Trowa rummaged around for warm clothes, and everyone _had_ to donate a sweater or something equally toasty. Then Wufei, at Heero's suggestion, insisted on carrying my freakin' clothes to the bathroom when I wanted to shower! Oh yeah, and I was also told, firmly, that bathing would be better for my back.

That was just a _little_ too much for me, and I slammed the door on him, on all of them, with a satisfyingly loud wham.

I think that warned them suitably enough that I was on the edge of just throwing myself off a cliff…again, because nobody tried to walk in and ask me if I needed them to…I dunno, hand bathe me or something.

I managed to get my clothes off without much trouble, and was running the water into the bathtub (see, I do listen, sometimes) when I realized something.

Okay, putting my hands in hot water is probably not the best thing to do…

Uhhh…

There was a knock at the door, and Quatre walked in, blushing furiously.

"Quatre!" I squawked, my own blush rapidly overtaking my face. Other Duo snickered at my predicament, and I forcefully nudged him away.

"Uh, Heero said you might need, um, some help because of your…hands," Quatre squeaked, looking everywhere but at me.

I said the first thing that came to my mind. "Well, why didn't _he_ come then?"

"I think he thought you'd be more comfortable with, uh, your little brother…doing it." He sounded a little bit hurt, and I remembered what I said with a cringe.

"Yeah," I said hastily, "he's probably right. After all," I added, on a burst of inspiration, "there's nobody like a little brother when you need somebody to scrub your back." I repressed a sigh. Looks like someone _did_ come in and offer to wash me after all.

Well, I guess it beat the hell out of the alternative.

I lowered myself into the bathtub carefully, my hands held out to the sides, making sure I didn't slosh the water.

I'd already unbraided my hair – exceedingly delicately; I wondered how the hell I was going to braid it with my hands so stiff (nobody had let me even clench my fists for the longest time) and tried not to groan.

Then Quatre was massaging my scalp, and I almost dissolved into a puddle of incoherent pleasure. This felt _so_ good after those stupid sponge baths.

Yes, I'd let a nurse sponge bathe me. I hated every moment and wanted to sink into the floor, but the embarrassment was almost worth not feeling dirty and filthy and grimy to the bone.

I'll spare you the details of the whole bath, and let's just say that just because it was Quatre, my little brother, did not make it any better. Actually, it' might've been worse than the impersonal touches of the nurse, in a way.

It was…just too revealing.

But I imagined _Heero_ doing it, and decided that Quatre was definitely the better choice. Just picturing Heero's hands all over my body gave me the most frightening feeling, this feeling that wanted to tremble my stomach out of my body, and make my heart try to beat itself from my chest.

That feeling threatening to run…lower, but I wrenched my mind onto other subjects, and it subsided.

"Quatre?" I asked absent-mindedly, thinking of anything but Heero, "What's for dinner?"

Quatre froze. Then he bolted upright, gasping, "Dinner!" and was out the door.

_Okaay…_

Good thing he had just finished, I suppose.

I pulled myself out of the water clumsily, and dried myself lightly. I slipped on the clothes Wufei had brought, staring at my tangled, dripping mass of hair in dismay.

I drained the bathtub, wandered out the door…and was instantly set upon by a pack of raving Gundam pilots.

Wufei had new bandages in his hands, and Trowa was trying to get me to wear a sweater. A really thick one. In eighty degree weather. Needless to say, I declined. Pretty civilly too, I might add. Quatre held a plate of steamy vegetables and some kind of white fish. Heero was the least aggressive, for once, and just asked if I needed help drying my hair.

I accepted gratefully, told Quatre I'd have dinner as soon as Heero finished, Wufei that we'd change the bandages after we were done eating, and thanked Trowa for his attempt to fry me. Not in those words, though.

Heero and I headed to our room as soon as the rest of the crowd had dispersed, and I sat on the bed while Heero squeezed the water out of my hair behind me.

Before I knew it, he was done, and had a comb in my face, offering to brush it.

I could've hugged him, and did.

He seemed to approach my hair tentatively with the comb, as if he were afraid the slightest tug would splinter it, and I actually had to admonish him to go a little faster, otherwise he'd spend hours on each knot.

After a while, he seemed to get it, and I relaxed into his chest, closing my eyes, and just feeling him thread the teeth of the comb through my wild hair.

We were both quiet, though I couldn't have told you what Heero was thinking.

Heero's soft, "I'm done," seemed almost reluctant, and I felt kind of sorry that we were done too.

I ran my fingers through my hair, and grinned with delight. I finally felt human again.

Turning to face Heero, I gave him a sweet smile.

Now that kind of surprised me. I don't usually smile sweetly; that's more Quatre's forte.

But, I guess it didn't look too strange, because Heero's face softened minutely. Then something so hot and protective that it appeared almost _possessive_ flared in his eyes, and he suddenly, fiercely, yanked my by my shoulders to plop against him.

I fell back with a surprised, "Oomph!" and squirmed for a moment, trying to see his face, before sighing and giving it up.

Heero could probably jerk a rampaging bear to a standstill with those arms.

Heero was warm…almost uncomfortably so, and I felt that strange, tingly feeling start up again.

I recognized it with a sense of shock, from the one time I'd chanced upon a porn movie by accident.

Dammit, I was _not_ going to find just lying against my best friend arousing!

I'll be the first to admit that I think Heero is _beautiful_ beyond belief, and absolutely breathtaking when he smiles. But…I don't know.

There're just too many uncertain factors in this kind of thing…I mean, he's my best friend! Other Duo looked at me almost disbelievingly. Okay, that doesn't really mean anything, but number one, I have no freakin' idea if he's gay, I'm probably just _his_ best friend…and did I mention this whole thing just makes my head hurt?

I struggled furiously to banish any kind of _those_ thoughts, because I really didn't want to… let the cat out of the bag, I guess, and chance making Heero scram like mad from the freak who used to be his best friend.

And I really wouldn't deal well with Heero disappearing right now. Really.

It worked…after some time. Other Duo wasn't helping, with the naughty images he was sending my way.

"Duo?" Heero asked, his voice right next to my ear, which made me jump. "Will you be able to braid your hair yourself?"

"Oh, right," I said, happy to grab on any new subject and run with it, "no, I don't think so." Here, I held up my bandaged hands for proof – not that he needed any, and asked shyly, "Could you…"

"Yes," he said so quietly I could barely hear him, "Yes I could."

"Oh Heero," I teased, "what have I ever done to deserve you?" On impulse, I flicked the end of his nose with my finger.

He wrinkled his nose, and said in a dubious tone of voice, "Frankly, I don't know that you deserve me at all."

I laughed, hoping that he was joking, and told him that Quatre was probably worrying his dear little heart out, and would continue to do so until we stepped out of the room.

I doubted that they'd try to walk in on us, since they were probably convinced that we should have some 'quality time' alone together.

Gods. That 'boyfriend' quip the nurse back at the hospital had made was really coming back to haunt us.

Oh well. If it made them happy, and they didn't go overboard, they could go on having their happy little delusions as long as they wanted.

_If that's the way you want to think,_ Other Duo said with a strange, sad little grin.

I wondered what he was talking about.

We went out, I dutifully ate my meal at Quatre's behest, and even stuffed on a jacket. Anything to keep them from nagging.

I was watching Quatre and Trowa dance around each other with great amusement, and on the point of yelling at them to kiss, when Wufei got a hold of me, plunking me down on a chair to change my bandages.

Dexterously, he peeled the gauze off my hands, and just as deftly, rewrapped them.

"Damn, 'Fei," I said admiringly, "How the hell you'd get so good at this?"

"I practiced," he said shortly.

"You practiced?" I repeated. Did he mean he'd actually spent time making sure he wouldn't wrap too tightly or loosely or anything? From the way he refused to meet my eyes, it was quite possible. And, knowing Wufei, he had probably done it over and over again to ensure perfection.

Well, what could a guy do after that kind of declaration? Other Duo popped up, looking as flabbergasted as I felt.

So I jumped him with a big hug, and strangely felt like crying.

Separating from him, I rubbed my eyes roughly, and smiled sappily at him.

God, what _was_ it with me today? First sweet smiles, then sappy ones. That was so totally not me.

I guess the guys just kind of had me on an emotional roller coaster with their heartbreakingly touching acts.

I couldn't stop a giant yawn from escaping, and Wufei had me out of that chair and into Heero's arms before it'd even finished.

Before I could let him go though, I hooked an arm around his neck, and dragged him in, whispering, "Thanks, Wufei."

Gently, he disengaged himself, and said, "It was nothing, Maxwell. Now go to sleep."

He gave us a push, and I let Heero half carry me to our bedroom.

"Could I braid it…tomorrow morning?" Heero asked, as if afraid I would refuse.

"Uh…if you want to. Why?"

"Uh, no reason, really. You seem rather tired," Heero said, sounding a bit disjointed.

"Oh, okay." I guess that kind of made sense. I probably looked ready to keel right over.

I went to sleep on my back, better for my ribs, they said, with Heero watching over me to keep the dreams at bay.

The next morning, I woke to find myself somehow entangled with Heero, and my hair all over him, like some weird blanket.

I just stared at him for a while. It was rare that I got to see him asleep when I could see his features clearly; he was usually awake before I was. He _was_ beautiful in his sleep too, which was kind of unfair, since totally relaxed muscles usually make you look a little funny.

That was a purely objective opinion, I assured myself hurriedly, and Other Duo snorted.

Ignoring my annoying mental self, or whatever he was, I tapped Heero on the nose to wake him up.

He was alert in an instant; one of those soldier peculiarities.

"Um…braid my hair?" I suggested.

"All right." He sat up, letting my hair pool on his legs, and reached over the side of the bed to produce a comb and hair tie.

He combed my hair as gently as you would a little kid's, and I felt terribly pampered.

He braided my hair a lot slower than I usually would, but, you know, I didn't really mind.

He was a lot…kinder, and I could tell he was sincerely enjoying braiding my hair. How? I don't know…prolonged exposure to little Quatre, perhaps, who has the freakiest sixth sense in being able to tell what people are thinking.

We're not sure if it's just that he can read people easily, or something more, but we've learned to trust what he says, even Heero.

Wonder why we don't push him to tell us?

We all have our deep, dark secrets, and most of them we prefer to let lie.

If Quatre wants to tell us, we'll listen, like everyone else did when I spoke of Shinigami. Otherwise…it's his choice.

By the time I finished that train of thought, Heero was done, and my braid looked absolutely perfect.

"Wow, Heero," I exclaimed, "that's great!"

I ruffled his mop of hair, and said, grinning, "Now, if you could get your hair under control like mine…"

Suddenly, I pictured Heero with a braid to his butt, and giggled.

"What?" He sounded adorably peeved.

"Oh, it's nothing," I said, and looked at him appraisingly.

Again, the picture of grim little Heero with hair long as mine presented itself, and laughter threatened to burst out again.

"Duo…"

"Oh," I said airily, "I was just imagining you with a braid, that's all."

He just looked at me and I wasn't sure what he was thinking.

"I'm afraid," he said solemnly, "that that look would not suit me at all."

We exited the room, arms around each other's waists, smiling at each other for no reason at all, just glad that our normal, friendly banter – that had been missing since we'd been separated, had finally been restored.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Quatre and Trowa were _really_ bugging me.

It all started when Quatre went mad under Wing Zero's control, and almost sent Trowa floating off to the Land of the Dead.

It had been really frightening, watching the creature who used to be our lovable little Quatre destroy a colony, and much as it had scared us, I think Quatre had been scarred even more horribly.

When Trowa had regained his memory, and returned to us, things had become, if that was possible, even worse.

Quatre had himself tied up in knots worthy of my own twisted thinking, convinced that he was responsible for everything that Wing Zero had made him do, no matter what we said.

He was looking for forgiveness, I think, and we weren't the people to give it to him. I didn't get how Quatre, with his uncannily accurate perception of human feelings, couldn't see that Trowa had never held him liable for what he did, but the hole Quatre'd dug for himself was too deep for us to drag him out of.

It was truly heart wrenching to watch Quatre fade away, and be able to do nothing.

Trowa, on the other hand, had withdrawn into himself so totally, it was like we were speaking to a stranger. He couldn't understand Quatre's distance, I guess, and probably had talked himself into thinking that it was his own fault.

We were on the point of losing them entirely.

I decided to try my hand one last time at hammering the truth into Quatre's stubborn disbelief.

So here we were, in my room, the door firmly shut and locked, with my little brother staring at me mulishly.

"Quatre," I said bluntly, "you're killing him."

"_What?_" He reared back. Good. I'd totally taken him by surprise.

"You are," I confirmed. "He thinks you hate him, you know," I appealed to the part of Quatre that would be stricken at the thought of Trowa suffering in any way.

"Of course I don't," Quatre refuted.

"Well, you better tell him that," I said sternly.

"He _knows_ I don't hate him," Quatre insisted.

"Does he?" I raised an eyebrow. "Every time he tries to talk to you, you run away from him like he has the plague."

"But he hates _me!_" Quatre gasped.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said forcefully, "Trowa could never hate you."

Miserably, Quatre said, "I almost killed him," and I could see him beating himself up all over again.

"Okay," I said, "let's try to put things into perspective here. _I_," I jabbed myself in the chest, "shot Heero two times, _twice, _when we met. Does he hate me?"

"That's different," Quatre snapped, "you didn't know each other then, and none of the shots were fatal."

"But," I said, looking at him intently, "I was in control of all my mental facilities at the time, and at that time, in your state of mind, you might as well have never met."

"I nearly killed him," Quatre maintained.

"Yes, you did."

Quatre gaped at me, obviously not prepared for my agreement.

"You _nearly_ killed him then, but you're _definitely_ destroying him now."

"But…"

"Quatre," I leaned toward him, "you have some special way of telling what people are feeling, right?" I know I said we don't usually ask about this sort of thing, but if the choice was between Trowa and Quatre self-destructing and breaking one of our unsaid rules, well, we all know which one I'd choose.

"_How do you know that_?" The question just burst out of him, and he looked at me suspiciously.

"I had my suspicions," I said wryly, "after all those demonstrations of yours."

"Oh," he said, looking a little shamefaced at his outburst.

"Tell me," I said, "what is Trowa feeling right now?"

Quatre flinched, shying away from the point of no return. Once he found out Trowa's true feelings, well then, he'd know for sure if Trowa hated him or not. I kind of knew where he was coming from; I was a master at hiding from everything, after all, including the truth.

"Okay, you don't have to answer that."

He relaxed.

"Right now, I'm going to go out, and I'm going to ask Trowa about you, okay? You don't have to…uh, listen in on his feelings if you don't want to, but," I said, looking at him seriously, "you might be a little surprised at what you get should you choose to see what Trowa's feeling."

I stood up, placing one hand on Quatre's shoulder. "Just…think about it, okay, little brother?"

He was silent, but I'd planted the idea, and knowing Quatre's natural curiosity, he wouldn't be able to resist.

I hunted up Trowa, and found him sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the wall.

Sitting down next to him, I said casually, "Hey Tro."

He didn't say anything. Surprise, surprise.

Projecting a nonchalant air, I remarked, "You've been pretty quiet lately…kinda like Quatre."

I couldn't miss the way his breathing stopped for a moment at Quatre's name.

"You wanna know why I used to call him Bumblebee?" I rambled.

Trowa was puzzled; I could tell.

"Because you guys reminded me of bees and honey…never could find one without the other." I looked at him sadly. "Kind of doesn't fit anymore, huh?"

Trowa seemed to sink into the couch.

"You guys are damn confusing, you know that? You think he hates you…he thinks you hate him…you feel guilty…he feels guilty…gods, everything's a mess, isn't it?" I shook my head, then struggled out of the couch, nudging his shoulder as I left, "See ya, Tro."

There, let him stew over that for a bit. Okay, now back to Quatre. Let's see if curiosity killed the cat and satisfaction brought him back.

I walked into the room, and was pounced upon by an ecstatic Quatre.

"I guess he doesn't hate you," I said dryly.

Quatre shook his head vigorously, and appeared totally speechless.

"Well…" I gave him a not-so-subtle shove out the door. "Go to him. He needs you."

Quatre all of a sudden seemed to droop, and I got a headache just trying to follow his mood swings.

"It's all my fault," he said dejectedly.

"Oh, gods." I rolled my eyes, "We aren't back to _that_ again, are we?"

"I made him feel _hated_."

_Dude…_"That's just great," I said exasperatedly, "now go make him feel _loved_."

"What? But…I, I mean…Trowa…"

"Quatre, I know you love the guy. You probably know he loves you. So stop being an idiot and _snap out of it_."

Heh. I guess I just totally ran out of patience there, huh?

Quatre lingered near the doorway, still hesitant, and I said, "Well…what the hell are you doing? Go away, already."

Still he paused.

I said evenly, "You have two choices. Choose one."

When I looked up, he was gone.

I fell back against the bed with an explosive breath, and spent a few minutes muttering about annoyingly headstrong little brothers.

When Heero walked in, I asked wordlessly for a hug, and looking a bit anxious, he came over to sit on the bed and wrap an arm around me.

I might've been confident as hell during the actual execution of mission: Quatre + Trowa Happiness, but now…with time to worry over all the details, I wondered.

There was a knock at the door. I said a bit fearfully, "Come in." Quatre wouldn't knock if he was devastated, would he?

Nope, it was good ol' Wufei.

"Have you seen Trowa or Quatre?"

Okay, so he hadn't seen them yet. I guess it was good that they were still ensconced in their room. Unless they'd both died of a heart attack.

"No, not for a while," Heero answered.

"'Fei," I said, patting the mattress, "sit here." If what was coming up heralded the destruction or mending of our little group, everyone should be present.

He sat carefully on the side of the bed.

We didn't speak for quite a while.

I wondered what Quatre and Trowa were _doing_.

Wufei ventured to ask, "What are we doing?" He probably found this all very puzzling, and very worrying.

"Waiting," I said grimly.

"Oh…for what?"

"To see if Qat and Tro get their heads screwed back on straight."

They didn't ask any more questions.

I don't know _how_ many hours passed, but I was strung too tightly to even think about dozing off, and my eyes were practically glued to the door. Other Duo was as silent as I was.

At near around midnight, The Knock came.

I got off the bed and staggered towards the door, remembering to turn on the lights as I went by.

Taking a deep breath, I twisted the doorknob, and the door swung gently in.

Quatre looked…radiant, and Trowa had this _elation_ written all over him.

The strength left my legs, and I collapsed against the side of the door.

"The Bumblebee still stands?" My voice was hoarse. Pretty dorky, I know. But hey, whatever.

"Yes," Trowa confirmed joyfully.

I think Other Duo fainted.

"Oh thank _god_," I said, the words just popping from my mouth, and motioned for them to come in.

Heero and Wufei had these most dumbstruck looks on their faces that I would have found really funny if I hadn't been so damn relieved.

They walked in, practically floating on air, and then didn't seem to know what to say.

Not willing to let this degenerate into a staring match, I drawled, "I take it you two _finally_ got together."

"Uh, yeah." Quatre blushed, then looked at us a bit sheepishly, and said, "We _were_ being kind of silly, weren't we?"

"Astonishingly so," Wufei said candidly.

They both looked…chagrined.

"Okay guys," I clapped my hands, "their stupidity has been resolved…we've all made mistakes before." I paused, then said thoughtfully, "Granted, not a mistake _quite_ like what they've been doing. Like I said, you guys were _damn_ confusing." I smiled at them amusedly.

Quatre and Trowa looked down, shamefaced, and I relented.

"Let me talk with 'Fei and Heero, okay? We'll decide on terms of forgiveness for freaking us out so thoroughly."

They nodded.

I conferred with Heero and Wufei for a moment in hushed whispers, and let Heero talk.

"A hug," he said, "and all will be forgiven."

Then, all of a sudden, we were all squashed in a big group hug, and I let them squeeze the air out of my lungs for nearly a minute before it got really painful.

"Guys?" I gasped, "Guys, okay, we forgive you. Don't kill us, please."

Slowly, they extricated themselves, and I realized with a shock, that not only did Quatre and Trowa have an arm around me, but Wufei and Heero did as well.

"Thank you," Wufei said, "for getting their heads screwed back on straight."

"No problem," I said weakly.

Quatre seemed to suddenly remember that he'd forgotten to say thank you, and nearly bowled me over. "Thank you oh thank you oh thank you," he said frantically, and I worried that he'd kill himself trying to say them all.

"Hey, big brothers have got to be there for their little brothers, right? Otherwise, what's the point of having them?"

I shrugged, and Quatre seemed a little less distraught.

A thought struck me then, and I looked at Trowa, saying offhandedly, "You know, now that you and Quatre are practically married, doesn't that make you my older brother-in-law?"

"Duo!" There were several sharp gasps all around the room, and I grinned.

"Just a thought," I said carelessly, "I mean, honestly, you didn't _really_ spend eight or nine hours _talking_, did you?"

"_Duo!_" I'm not sure if that was Quatre, or Wufei, or maybe it was both. I know Trowa blushed.

"Oh, please, we don't mind, do we? After all, who's been teasing me for ages about Heero being my boyfriend?"

"You mean he isn't?" Quatre snapped his head up.

"_No,_ Heero is not my boyfriend. We are _best friends,_" I said, emphasizing all the key words. Other Duo gave a halfhearted cough.

Abruptly, Quatre chuckled and shook his head. "And you thought we were a mess."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. So none of you mind? That we're…together?" Both of them looked hopefully at all of us.

"I'm quite gay," I informed them with a snort. "As if _I_ would mind."

"You _know_ I don't mind," Heero told Quatre gently, and I wondered how he knew.

We all stared at Wufei. "Better than an onna."

I pushed him off the bed, laughing.

Quatre and Trowa seemed much reassured, and all of a sudden, I was ravenously hungry.

My stomach growled, and with the others realizing they hadn't eaten dinner either, it set off an interesting medley of protesting stomachs.

"Okay," I said, tugging Quatre off the bed with me, "let's go make dinner."

While waiting for the meat to simmer, Quatre used the time to offer me his undying gratitude. Again.

"_Quatre_," I said, totally sick of the phrase 'thank you,' "all I needed to do was nudge you a bit, and you used your own thing to run the rest of the way."

"But-"

"No buts, I just did what any of us would've gotten to sooner or later."

"No," Quatre disagreed, "Wufei and Heero don't quite have your sort of…skill with people."

"No, they don't," I said a bit ruefully.

"So, you and Heero…really aren't…involved?" Quatre asked, and I got the feeling that this was really bugging him.

"No."

We were quiet for a moment, and then I asked, "Quatre?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you tell what I'm feeling?"

"…yeah."

"Could you tell me," I almost whispered, "exactly what I feel about Heero?" I stared at the wooden tabletop, tracing its patterns, and thinking about my best friend who I wasn't sure was just my best friend anymore.

There was a pause. Then Quatre asked me gently, "Do I really need to tell you, Duo?"

I felt strings pull my head up and down in a jerking nod.

"Love, Duo," he said. "Love."

Quatre looked at me, an almost hopeful expression on his face.

My mind went blank, except for one word: "_Shit._"

He looked a bit scared now, and said uncertainly, "Duo? What's wrong?"

I looked up and gave him a strained smile. "Would you mind if I went for a walk? Ten minutes."

I was out of the room before I could even see him answer.

Somehow I made it outside, and shambled mindlessly down the sidewalk. Other Duo said, a little sadly, _Well…now you know. _

_I know. Gods. I love Heero._

It didn't seem impossible anymore, now that I thought about it. After all, who _couldn't_ fall in love with him? He was handsome, and strong, and intelligent, and kind, and…damn…_I've got it bad._

I remembered those broad hints Other Duo had kept giving me, and chuckled mirthlessly at the thought that my…whatever-other self had known long before _I_ had. But then, I've always been an emotional rock.

_Dammit._ That feeling, that almost exhilarating feeling of plummeting I got when I first met him…that wasn't fear. That was love. I'd fallen in love with the guy on our first damn meeting.

I choked back a strangled laugh. _Our first damn meeting._

I stopped and laid an arm across a pole, leaning my forehead against it.

_Does he love me?_ A little voice said softly, and I could have just killed it when it asked that question. Killed it and fed its body to the dogs.

"No," I snarled out loud, bitterly, facing up to the truth with a queer, twisted satisfaction. "How could he?" _How could someone as…perfect as he was, love a broken street rat?_

_A broken street rat…_

_A broken street rat…_

…_broken street rat…_

The words echoed. I snarled and took a deep breath.

My mind whirled. I felt dizzy.

Should I just keep walking?

_Oh god, oh god, oh god._

I shook my head, but it didn't seem to help my scattered thoughts any. I found myself next to another pole, and grabbed it. I stared at my hand, and kind of wished it could crush the metal, send it crashing down, anything at all. Just something. Something that would help everything make sense in the world.

I felt like nothing.

The questions, the shock, the _frickin'_ emotions continued to circle, sharks in a feeding frenzy.

Love? Was it really possible? Was this just a dream? Was I in hell?

_Oh god, Heero._

Should I stay away from him? _NO!_ My whole body rebelled at the thought and I almost threw up.

_C'mon, _Other Duo counseled me, _get a hold of yourself. _I saw him shaking his head from side to side a little, as if trying to jar something back into place. _Stop it. Stop it! _He yelled at me.

A little voice whispered, _Just go back and tell him._

_Tell him, tell him, tell him._

My response to that was even worse, and I retched emptily for a moment and swiped the back of my hand across my mouth, panting heavily.

_Deep breathing. _Slowly, I relaxed until I wasn't a total muddle of denial and confusion, and then harshly, I locked up all my thoughts of loving Heero into a box and thrust it into a room with a triple padlocked door: the room where I kept my memories of L2, and Chase. I slammed it, and resolved never to open it again.

_Well, _I thought bleakly, _he never needs to know about my stupidity. _

I turned, and walked wearily back to the safehouse. At the door, I straightened my back, raised my chin, and told myself, _You can do this. You can act like he's nothing but your best friend. Because if you let the truth out, somebody will be hurt, and it's most likely to be you._

Here I am, hiding from the truth again. God, it fucking hurts.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Sometimes, I could almost make myself believe that being best friends was enough. Sometimes, the pain retreated enough so that I could breathe when Heero brushed past me. But, just as often, it walloped me over the head at odd times, or tried to rip my heart out.

Since the time I'd walked through that door, being with Heero had been a torturous pleasure. But I couldn't stay away. I acted as I always did; cheerful, bright Duo. They all fell for it without even the barest minimum of a struggle.

And Heero kept his promise. He never left me for more than three or four days at a time, and even managed to get most of our missions assigned together. The ones we weren't assigned together…well…I made a point not to sleep those few nights. It seemed like, now that I knew that I loved him, that the world felt even hollower when he was gone, so I welcomed his presence, and his brilliance didn't always remind me of what I didn't have.

Quatre and Trowa were perfect together. It did twinge, every once in a while, watching them, but seeing my brothers' happiness kind of soothed it away.

My brothers. I'd taken to calling Wufei one too, but refused staunchly to add Heero to the group. He was family, all right…it just seemed _wrong_, 'cause I loved him so. And not just platonically.

It was…a bittersweet time. I realized I had a family, and knew that Heero could never love me back.

We were on another mission together. High school. The two dreaded words. Originally, Wufei was supposed to come too, but there'd been news of an upcoming attack somewhere else, and he was called away.

We chose our own names. I didn't choose Keefe. He didn't choose Jeb. The memories from that mission were still too strong.

I'd hunted around for names again, and when I hit upon Uriel, I just really, really wanted to call Heero that. Angel of light. C'mon, how much closer can you get? Except for the fact that it sounded funny. Maybe some other time.

Then I found Harmon, and smiled humorlessly. Soldier. Well…why not? Harmon Wellings. Yeah, so I suck at picking last names. Shut up.

And Heero, I think, just picked a name at random…Yoshi. He told me it meant quiet. Okay…that suits him, I guess. His last name was Lowe again. And I thought I was bad.

I stood outside the building, waiting for Heero, who'd gone to get us lunch. We didn't really like eating in the cafeteria. There were just…too many people. Far too crowded.

And guess what? We'd acquired some crushes. On the first day, too. I really didn't know why _I _had at least three girls making sheep's eyes at me, when there was Heero around.

And then, bizarrely enough, I heard the high-pitched screaming of little children.

_What the hell?_

I flipped around, only to notice a swarm of tiny little kids stampeding my way.

Then they were on me, and I could finally distinguish their words. "New student! Wanna play!"

Cripes.

Who the hell _were_ these kids? They were allowed to run around a high school like this?

There must've been around eight or nine of them milling around my knees, and I almost lost my balance when one of them draped her body all over my shin.

"Crap!"

Then, one of them grabbed my braid, and _yanked._

"Ow!" I jerked it up into my hands.

Finally, I heard a voice somewhere near me, scolding the kids, and making them back off. Barely.

I looked up at my savior gratefully. He was taller than me by a few inches, and had a mop of black hair, along with really, really dark brown eyes. He had a lanky build, not unlike Trowa's. Half-Asian, I noted. Like Heero.

I flashed him a grin. "Thank you," I said fervently.

He laughed. "They _are_ little monsters, aren't they? But we can't do anything to them unless we want to be thrown out of the school."

"The teachers let them run all over the place and harass poor, innocent bystanders?" I asked a bit incredulously.

"Well…yeah. The teachers are their parents." He paused, and then added, "My mom is too."

"What the hell they'd do? Decide to have kids all at the same time?"

"Uh…yeah, I guess so. They're all, weirdly enough, like best friends or something. I'm just the odd one out, I guess." He gave me a sardonic smile.

They were still staring at me.

"Uh…am I supposed to do something?"

"Well…they always, kind of…try out the new people."

"Oh…kind of like running the gauntlet," I joked.

"Yeah, except worse," he said gravely.

"Hey, what's your name, anyway?"

"Zephyr Wu." _Zephyr. I like that name._

"Cool. Harmon Wellings. And what am I supposed to do again?"

"They like piggy-back rides," Zephyr Wu said solemnly.

"All of them?" I was a bit dismayed.

"Yeah. Like I said, worse than the gauntlet."

"Um…here," I gave him my backpack, and selected a brown-haired, blue-eyed little boy that reminded me almost painfully of Heero.

I piggy-backed every damn one of them, all ten, before Heero had even gotten out of the cafeteria.

Then I collapsed onto the grass, and they all wriggled around me, giggling.

I listened attentively to their babbling for a few minutes, before, like one, they all fell into drooling, bubbling little sleep.

"Uh…it's their naptime." Zephyr Wu said above me.

"Oh…did I pass?"

"With flying colors," he told me.

"Oh, good." I tried to move my head to see if Heero was around, and finally caught a glimpse of his brown head trapped by several curly-haired blond ones.

"Damn. My friend's in trouble." I tried to sit up, and couldn't.

"Help?" I asked sheepishly.

Tenderly, he moved a few heads and arms off my legs, and I smoothly shifted two kids off my chest. They might have been little horrors, but they were rather cute little horrors, at that.

I stood up, brushing myself off, and asked Zephyr Wu, "They'll be alright?"

"Nobody's going to bother them; naptime is the only time any of us get any peace."

"Right. Now I got a best friend to rescue. You wanna meet him?"

"Sure."

I set off toward Heero, ready to beat off those girls with a giant stick. _He's MINE, _that possessive little voice said furiously.

I pushed through them, standing in front of Heero protectively, and said flatly, "Floor show's over, ladies. Please exit stage left."

I think they listened more to my tone, than my words, because reluctantly, they disbanded, probably to torture another poor guy, I thought uncharitably.

I turned to Heero, who cast me a grateful look, and I asked in a low voice, "You alright, buddy?"

"I'm fine."

I looked at him critically; he didn't seem too tense.

Then, remembering Zephyr Wu, I turned to him, and realized he was still holding my bag. "Oh man, I'm sorry. I made you carry that thing all the way here, didn't I?"

"It was nothing," he said quietly. This guy was like 'quiet' personified. Trowa was silent, in case you wanted to know.

"Here, let me take it back." I reached to pull it off his shoulder, and slipped it back on mine.

Heero came up from behind me; I watched with a faint sense of surprise as he and Zephyr Wu exchanged these appraising looks, and Heero raised his hackles.

He stepped closer to me, and said coolly, "And you are?"

"Zephyr Wu. And you?" His voice was just as wary.

"Yoshi Lowe." He put an arm around my shoulders, and I thought, out of the blue, of wolves staking their claim on their territory.

I didn't quite know what to make of their strange actions.

"Did you get lunch?" I asked, just to break that mysterious tension, and he nodded at his other hand, which held two bags.

I snatched one and peeked inside. "French fries!" I said, thrilled, "And ranch!" I smiled at Heero. "You got ranch for my French fries?"

Well, guess he remembered I like to dip my fries in ranch. Kind of weird, but hey, I'm the guy who likes scrambled eggs with ketchup, remember?

"Thanks, I really need the energy." I sat, leaning against the wall. "Especially after all those piggy-back rides. My back is never going to recover." I sighed exaggeratedly.

Zephyr Wu chuckled.

Then they both settled next to me, Heero on my left, Wu on my right.

"Piggy-back rides?" Heero asked.

"Can you believe that the teachers around here all have kids the same age? There're ten of them, ten freakin' five-year olds!" I said indignantly. "They have their own special torture technique, too." I looked at him earnestly.

"Piggy-back rides." I intoned.

I added on, pouting, "And my braid got pulled too." Other Duo said, still enraged, _Go kill them._ I shook my head at him sternly.

Giving Heero the most woebegone look, I dropped my head onto his shoulder.

"You need to eat," Heero urged. "You can't afford to lose any more weight."

"Hmph."

"He's right," Zephyr Wu said from my other side. "The kids weigh more than you do. I'm amazed you were actually able to piggy-back them all."

"They do not weigh more than me," I said grouchily, "if they did, they'd be fat as balloons."

I felt Heero sigh, and then he said threateningly, "Eat or I'll feed you myself."

"_What?_" I stared up at a resolute looking Heero with horror. I turned to Zephyr Wu for support, and didn't get any.

"You guys are both big, fat, meanies," I grumped. Mature, I know. I kind of regress a little to a kid when people try to feed me.

I pulled out the fries and then the smell reached me, and I grinned happily. "Mmm…fries," I said dreamily.

I opened the packet of ranch, wolfing down the whole bag of fries in less than a minute, humming blissfully.

Reaching back into the bag, I pulled out an apple, and shined it on my shirt. I felt the weight of eyes upon me, and looked at Wu.

He continued staring at me for a second longer, then said, "Lowe, is he always like this?"

"Totally unpredictable and erratic? Yeah." Heero sounded…affectionately exasperated. Weird combination.

I crossed my eyes at him.

Then I caught the sound of shrill little cries, and froze, realizing something. "All of the new students?" I asked Zephyr Wu.

"All."

Looking at Heero mournfully, I said in a melodramatic whisper, "They're coming."

I waited smugly as the shouting grew closer, expecting Heero to get ambushed at any moment.

They came, they saw, they conquered.

It was totally hilarious, watching Heero piggy-back these grinning little cherubs, and I couldn't stop laughing the whole time.

When he finished, he collapsed onto the grass like I did, and they crawled all over him.

I decided that _not_ helping him right now could be considered really cruel, and walking over to him, fended off some pudgy little hands.

Then I pulled his head into my lap, just because seeing him like this, with that bit of humor lingering in his eyes, writhing little children all over him, made me want to hug him and never let go.

"Torture indeed," he said, a little winded.

I smiled at him, and removed his bangs from his eyes. He gave me that crooked smile, that one I'd seen only once before; the one that would've stolen my heart away if he didn't already have it. It was the most _human_ expression I'd ever seen on his face.

Zephyr Wu sat down quietly next to me, cross-legged.

After that, Heero and I somehow became the all-around favorites of the teacher's kids. It was kind of annoying, having them follow us into classrooms, and even into the damn bathrooms. Whoo yeah. That was a bit embarrassing.

Zephyr became a friend, the first we'd ever had outside of the other pilots during the war. Well, the friendship between Heero and Zephyr was more of a kind of tolerance…which I really didn't get.

Or at least not until that incident with Donnelly Torvan.

Donnelly Torvan wasn't a bully, by any means. He was just…frustrated. His schoolwork _sucked_, his girlfriend had switched camps to Heero, and I heard talk of rumors that his dad was a mean drunk.

But none of that excused an insult to Heero. Or a threat to the little kids.

I'd finally shooed the gaggle of little geese – I don't know why I called them that, they just reminded me of little goslings trundling after their mommies and daddies, away so Heero and I could change in the locker room. Zephyr also shared physical education with us, and I waved. Heero motioned that he needed to use the restroom, and left.

While passing Torvan's locker, I heard him mutter about just wanting to wipe the smiles off those little brats' faces. A few guys around him agreed loudly.

My protective instincts screaming, I turned around, and told him very coldly, "Don't even think about it."

He sneered at me. "And you're going to stop me how?" He eyed my slight build contemptuously.

"There's not just me," I said icily. "I doubt that Yoshi would let you harm an innocent child either."

"_Yoshi_," he spat, "that _fucking_ player. What's that _bastard_ going to do, huh? Set one of his _whores_ on me and scratch my eyes out? Since he's obviously too _fucking _weak to take me on himself." Torvan's voice was scornful, and I could barely believe the garbage that was coming out of his mouth. "I could knock the son of a bitch over with a finger."

"Shut the hell up!" I shouted at him. What he was saying about Heero…I was so angry I was seeing red. "_Never_ talk about Yoshi that way again."

"_Never talk about Yoshi that way again,_" he mimicked in a high falsetto. "I'll talk about the bastard anyway I want, so fuck you. And fuck him. Fuck that damn son of a bitch." He was taunting me. Seeing how long it'd take me to break.

I was literally shaking with the need to slam my fist into his ugly mug, (okay, so it wasn't that ugly, but right then, he looked the epitome of hideous), and could feel Shinigami banging on that door, trying to get out.

I turned around blindly in a haze of fury, and smashed my fist into a locker.

It actually dented in several inches, and I realized that my knuckles were probably bleeding.

I turned back to Torvan, and said very, very harshly, "One more word, and this fist," I showed him my bloody one, knuckles raw and weeping, "will be shoved into your face."

I'd scared him. I knew it in the way he watched the blood drip onto the floor, and the way he was leaning away from me.

Then, I think he realized what it looked like. He, a big hulking, wide-shouldered, football player, backing off from a pretty boy with a braid. I had a sinking feeling that what would follow would send me off the edge.

Zephyr was getting nearer, but he had a whole crowd of people to get through, who were watching us, frozen.

"Are you one of his whores too, you little _bitch? _Does he play both camps?" It began.

I felt coldness overtaking my body. Other Duo was screaming at me from somewhere…I couldn't make out any of his words, though.

"He is a pretty boy, isn't he? With those blue eyes, he _is _a pretty little _bitch_, isn't he? I wouldn't mind getting a chance to take him and _break_ him at all." Even as he spoke the words, he was frightened, frightened of what I would do.

That unfeeling coldness had me now, and I looked up at him slowly.

He flinched, and I wonder what kind of look I had in my eyes.

"You said," I whispered in a voice I hardly recognized as my own, "_one more word._"

Lightning quick, I jumped up onto the bench between the lockers, dodging the panicked blow he aimed at me.

He seemed terribly slow, and I blocked an arm lazily as it drifted towards my gut, shoving it back.

That simple push sent him flying into the lockers. I sobered up pretty quickly after that. I'd never gotten so angry before that I couldn't control my punches.

Slowly, my murderous rage drained into more manageable, and I leaped down lightly in front of him.

"Threaten Yoshi again and you won't have a mouth left to talk with. Your last warning." I restrained myself from punching him in the face like I said I would and walked away from him.

Zephyr was standing in front of me. Zephyr looked kind of…awed. And a little scared.

The crowd automatically split to let me pass by, and he followed me outside.

Once outside, I kind of just sagged onto the ground, staring unseeingly at nothing.

Zephyr picked me up and I lolled in his arms, wanting Heero.

Running footsteps came our way, and then, finally, I heard his beloved voice. "Harmon! What happened?"

"Give him to me," he demanded, and there was a moment when nobody moved.

I was slowly handed over, and I said in a cracked voice, "Yoshi?"

"I'm here," he crooned.

"You'll always be here?" I asked, my voice like a little child's. "You won't leave me again?"

"I told you, _dammit, _I'm never going to leave you again." He cradled me gently in his arms.

I gave a hoarse sob, and just let go of that coldness, and kind of lapsed into unconsciousness.

When I woke up, we were in our dorm, and I guess Zephyr had insisted on accompanying us, because he was there too.

I was still in Heero's arms.

"Harmon," Heero said, "what _happened_ back there?"

"I lost my temper," I said in a small voice.

"Lost his temper." Zephyr snorted.

"And _why_ did you lose your temper?" Heero asked patiently. They've all become experts at dragging stuff out of me. I wasn't really happy about that, since that meant I couldn't hide anymore.

"Because Torvan said one more word."

"Because Torvan said one more word? What?"

I hid a small, pleased grin. Ha. See what you can make of that.

"Because," Zephyr enlightened him, "he called you a lot of rather derogatory names, ranging from fucking bastard to pretty bitch."

Heero was quiet. I wasn't sure if he was insulted, mad, or what.

"Oh yeah," Zephyr remembered in a dispassionate voice, the kind you use to relate things that you find distasteful, "and he threatened to take you and break you."

I shuddered.

"Oh." Heero didn't seem to know what to say. Well, what could you say after you heard that kind of thing?

"I'm sorry," I said, "I screwed things up, didn't I?"

"No," Heero sighed, "you did exactly what I would've done under the same circumstances. Except I wouldn't have been so merciful."

"He was incredible," Zephyr said, a bit wonderingly, "I've never seen anyone move that fast. And I'm afraid that locker you punched is never going to be the same."

I throttled a sigh.

"Well, I better go," Zephyr said unwillingly, "my next class is with my mom."

"Sucker," I managed, and he reached over to stroke my head.

Heero's arms clutched me closer to his body; I saw him glare warningly at Zephyr, who stared boldly back before leaving.

"You know, Wu likes you." Heero said suddenly.

"Huh? Which way?" I asked warily.

"Both ways."

"He _does?_"

"Why do you find that so surprising?" Heero questioned me, with a curious tone.

"But, but…who could like me _that way?_" I stuttered, my mind totally blown away by the concept of quiet, serious Zephyr liking flighty, volatile _me._

"Plenty of people," Heero said noncommittally.

"_Who?_"

He listed them clinically. "Wu, for one. And those girls that stare at you all the time. A few guys too."

"_What?_" I was totally flabbergasted. "Remember, they like me in the cute little kid way, not the way people like _you._"

"_No,_" Heero refuted assertively, "they like _you_ in the 'he is totally hot' way, _not_ the cute little kid way."

I just gaped at him.

He looked at me, a faint hint of annoyance creasing his brow, and said passionately, "You're _beautiful_, can't you see?"

My jaw dropped all the way past the floor to land somewhere around a graveyard of moles.

"Oh for Christ's sake," Heero rubbed the side of his head.

I thought about Zephyr, thought about his quiet omnipresence, his tolerance for all my faults, and was astounded.

"He really _might _like me," I marveled.

Heero said, with a strange tone in his voice, "And do _you_ like him? That way?"

This question left me absolutely thunderstruck.

"_What? _No, I couldn't…" I trailed off.

"What? You couldn't what?" There seemed to be a odd _need_ in his voice for me to say what I couldn't do.

"I couldn't love anyone who didn't have eyes as beautiful as yours," I finished softly.

I lifted my hand up and traced his eyebrow. He didn't move. At all.

"You've spoiled me for life, you know," I teased a little sadly, "because I doubt that there's anybody with eyes to beat yours."

"Nobody?" he breathed. Wow. The guy really doesn't think much of his eyes.

"Nobody in the whole universe and beyond."

_After all, I couldn't love anyone who wasn't you, Heero._

Okay, so it was quite possible that Zephyr was…fixated on me. I found that rather…idiotic. I mean, he could probably have his pick of the pool, and he chooses _me?_

The guy has to get his priorities straightened out.

Don't get me wrong. I like Zephyr just fine, and he will always hold the distinction of being my first friend beyond L2 and the other pilots. In fact, if I hadn't ever met Heero, he might've had a chance. He _was_ pretty hot, and as you can tell, I've always sort of had a weakness for half-Asian's. There was the added bonus of me actually having my affections returned, but, every time I looked at Heero, everybody else seemed to pale in comparison.

We were almost done with out mission: search and destroy. We'd found our target, all that was left was to fix a date, and…well…obliterate it.

Oh yeah, ever wonder how we were able to always disappear the day after the explosion without any suspicion arising? Well, Heero somehow always either had us conveniently transferred out of the school, no questions asked, or sent us off to die in some tragic accident. Boo-hoo.

I wonder if Oz found it strange that Lowes and Wellings kept popping up around the world, only to die days after.

That is, if they actually went and scoured the school records regularly. A bit time-consuming, don't you think?

I felt like a total cad though, having to die on Zephyr like that, but in a war, you can't jeopardize yourself to spare someone else's feelings. It's the rule of a soldier. Even if it sucks like hell.

And then came the crunch. Zephyr asked me if I could ever think of him as more than a friend.

We were eating lunch, Heero was opportunely away entertaining the kids (Gods, Heero playing with little children…nobody's gonna believe me when I tell them that), and he popped out with The Question.

"Harmon, could you ever love me?"

_Christ, talk about blunt._

"Uhh…uhh…" I stammered wittily. Okay, I _definitely_ had not expected him to phrase it like that. _You should always prepare for the worst, _Other Duo advised me pessimistically.

"No, I didn't think so," Zephyr said forlornly.

"Why…why would you say that?" _Does he know?_

"Because of Yoshi." There wasn't even a question in his words.

_Shit! He knows!_

"How…?"

"Sometimes," he said carefully, "when you're not aware of it, and you just watch him, the look in your eyes…" He shrugged. "It's pretty obvious if someone watches you as much as I do."

I was frozen with terror. "He…doesn't know?"

"No," he smiled at me sadly, "you never do it while he's looking at you."

I nearly sobbed from relief.

"Why won't you tell him?"

"Because he could never love me," I said desolately.

"Never love you?" Zephyr barked out a laugh. "He already does."

"As his best friend," I answered despondently, not even skipping a beat.

"You know, for someone so smart, you can be so very _stupid_."

I got the feeling he was on the verge of telling me something very important.

But then Heero stalked up, probably not very happy with the way we seemed so absorbed in our discussion. He can be a damn possessive best friend, sometimes.

Whatever Zephyr wanted to say died in his throat, and Heero and I left that night.

I didn't even get to say good-bye.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Quatre is an absolute treasure. Somehow, he'd pulled a string here, gently terrorized an official there, and voila! The Gundam pilots were on a vacation for six days in the middle of the war.

I decided I wasn't going to feel guilty about that. Our side could deal without us for a damn week.

Besides, we were approaching the point of what you could call burning out. We were due for a break anyway.

Where were we going?

The celebrated Caribbean Islands on Earth. Business still booming there too. Even during war.

I'd never actually been to the beach for fun before. I knew how to swim, yes, as a freakin' survival technique. _Learn to swim or die_ just doesn't have the same ring as _Let's go surfing at the beach!_

Of course, I didn't know how to surf either…but I could always learn, right?

We even had our own private jet. One of those cool new ones, that if you sneeze, you're at your destination before you even open your eyes.

Needless to say, our trip was not a very long one. We caught a cab, squeezed the five of us in with our suitcases, and arrived at a spiffy new hotel with flags all over the place and perfectly pruned bushes.

We got joined suites. Quatre and Trowa in one room, me and Heero in another (I wondered if that was a not-so-subtle hint for us, or if it was just routine), and Wufei in another.

He was always kind of the…loner, and I wasn't sure how he felt about that.

There was one giant Jacuzzi in the middle of it all, and I was duly excited about the prospect of actually having a bubble bath.

Do I really have to tell you that our suites were enormous? A TV, a comfy sofa that was not a bed, a bed that had sheets so soft they felt like silk and was big enough to fit all five of us twice over, two huge bathrooms, you name it.

Quatre's room had a kitchen too, because, well, for the most part, we'd decided that we preferred his cooking over anybody else's. Trowa was a lucky, lucky man. However, we'd also agreed to try one of those numerous five star restaurants on the resort, since it was already paid for.

Quatre's pockets were beyond deep. They stretched across the galaxy.

It was barely afternoon by the time we'd all gotten settled in, so…off to the beach we went. We slathered on tons of suntan lotion, and entirely by accident, ended up wearing exactly the same kind of clothes: tank top and shorts. Though Heero's was spandex.

The beach was magnificent. The sand seemed almost a dazzling white, and the ocean was a blue that almost rivaled Heero's eyes. Almost. Anything that ever did would probably strike me blind with its beauty.

I bent over to trail two fingers in the water, and then _somebody_ shoved me in.

I burst out of the water, coughing, and said, "_Wufei!_ Come here, you bastard!"

He tore off, laughing like a loon. Grimly, I ran after him, resolving to dunk him under the water until he _begged_ for mercy.

I caught up to him, because I am nothing, if not the fastest of our group, and made good my promise.

We headed back, water streaming off our clothes, only to find that the others had somehow obtained some towels and umbrellas, and were lying in the shade, perfectly dry.

They glanced up at our arrival, noted our completely soaked state, and grinned.

Heero, taking pity on us, retrieved a couple towels from behind him, offering them to us.

I took the blue one haughtily, leaving Wufei the yellow one that had flowers dancing around the edge.

"You pushed me in the water," I said snippily, "you get _that_ towel."

"And how many times did you push _me?_" He looked at me in disbelief.

"I only pushed you after you pushed _me._" I pointed out logically, spread _my_ towel onto the sand halfway over Heero's, and promptly rolled up against him, who if he could be found doing something so undignified, yelped.

"You're supposed to dry yourself with the towel first," he told me sternly.

"You're warmer. Besides, you're dry, and I'm wet. I needed to remedy the situation." I grinned up at him cheekily, undeterred by his frosty glare.

He picked at his sodden tank top in distaste, and sighed dolefully. "You're not going to move until you're dry, are you?"

"Nope," I said cheerfully.

He sighed, and resignedly put an arm around me.

I closed my eyes, smiling, and dozed off.

I was rather rudely awakened, though.

I snapped out of sleep with a sharp exclamation of surprise, as my world was suddenly flipped around. I scrambled up, only to notice Wufei gleefully prancing away with my towel in his hand.

"_Wufei!_" I charged after him. It was like he was getting me back for all those little jokes I'd played on him.

All right…this phrase might be a little overused, but…this means war. Uh…that begins after our vacation. I didn't feel up to getting up early to prepare something really involved when we were supposed to be sleeping in and all that.

We trooped back to the hotel, Wufei and I totally exhausted from racing around the beach, leaping over prone bodies, dodging volleyball games, and zooming around sand castles.

I dragged myself to the bathtub for a quick rinse, and came out, feeling a little refreshed.

I dropped into a chair next to Heero, and stared at Quatre hungrily. "Food," I insisted.

"Dinner's almost done," he informed me breezily.

Wufei came in then, and said in a desperate voice, "Something to eat. Now."

"Wait a minute," Quatre said, his head stuck into the fridge.

"Now," he persisted.

Quatre emerged with some sodas, and gave one to both of us. "Drink that while you wait," he said commandingly.

We weren't about to argue.

We were still slurping greedily when Quatre set a plate of some kind of Indian style food in front of us.

"Our hero," we chorused and Quatre rolled his eyes.

Trowa came in and sat at the table. "Something smells _good,_" he said approvingly.

Wufei chomped through his rice voraciously, and Quatre reprimanded, "Wufei, eat with your mouth closed."

He closed it obediently.

I started to gobble my food up, and Heero said sharply, "Duo…don't eat so fast, you'll choke."

I sent him a rebellious look, but stopped to actually chew between bites.

"Honey, how's the food?" Quatre'd taken to calling Trowa 'Honey' sometimes, when he learned of the reason I called him Bumblebee. He usually wasn't really aware of it; it was just like a pet name that popped out every once in a while.

Anyway, the whole scene just suddenly struck me as hilariously funny, and I started laughing until there were tears coming out of my eyes.

"Duo!"

My laughing attacks always scared them for some reason, probably because they were usually accompanied by hysteria.

"Gods, I'm sorry," I gasped, "it's just that," I snickered again, "we seemed like the typical little household family just then." Another peal of laughter broke through, and I had to pause for a moment. "With Wufei and me as the little kids, and Heero our big brother, and Trowa and Quatre as the parents." They looked at me, a little bit of humor coming into their eyes, and I continued, "_Wufei, eat with your mouth closed, _and, and," I almost burst a gut trying to get this out, "_Honey, how's the food?_"

I slid off the chair, laughing uproariously.

They seemed to realize the absurdity of their actions, and dimly, over my own laughter, I could hear the sounds of their mirth.

Finally, my laughter petered off, and I was totally spent. The running, the dunking, the laughing…too much.

I flopped an arm Heero's way, and mumbled, "Help me get up?"

He lugged me up, and positioned me like you would a doll in the chair.

Raising an eyebrow, he asked, "Would you like me to feed you?"

"No," I said, and struggled into an upright position.

I chewed my way listlessly through the rest of my plate, and somehow made it to our bedroom without crashing into any walls.

Then, I pulled out a pair of clean boxers, and stumbled towards the shower.

Retaining enough brain to turn the water full blast and icy, so that I wouldn't fall asleep in the shower, I stepped past the shower door, and woke up a little.

Shivering, I scrubbed at myself hurriedly, and sluiced water through my shampooed hair.

I dried myself, tugged on the boxers, and sat on the bed, the sheets pulled back, struggling to comb my unruly hair.

I'd just gotten through the last tangle when Heero finished his shower, and came in, also in his boxers, his hair spiky and pointing in all sorts of directions.

I think I giggled.

I crawled over to where he sat, and flattened his hair a little with the comb. He didn't really even need to comb his hair, it was short enough that it was practically impossible for it to acquire any of those monster knots, and besides, the strands just kind of slipped past each other without sticking. Not like mine.

We curled up in the middle of the bed. I felt tiny.

"'Night, Heero," I murmured, and fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up, suddenly, entirely too aware of the fact that there was nothing separating our bodies but two flimsy sets of boxers.

My body's reaction was not…unexpected, and I had to think of Heero leaving me to still it.

Of course, that made me wrap myself even more tightly around his body, which started it up again, and I sighed. It was a never-ending cycle. Silently, I warned Other Duo not to say a word.

Brushing Heero's face lightly with a wistful finger, I disentangled myself.

I walked out onto the balcony – we have a balcony! – and stared out at the ocean for a while. It was kind of…a humbling sight. The water seemed to stretch on _forever_.

"Duo?" Heero sounded a little uncertain…a little frightened. I realized that he probably couldn't see me with the curtain billowing across the balcony door.

"Here," I called, "on the balcony."

He pulled the curtain away, and I smiled at his tousled appearance.

His eyes seemed to calm as he took me in, and then grow a little…hot.

I fidgeted under his searing gaze, and tucked my flyaway hair behind my ears self-consciously.

Suddenly, he strode towards me swiftly, and hugged me fiercely.

"Hey," I said, pinpointing the source of his distress, "I'm not going anywhere. That promise of yours goes both ways, you know."

He didn't say anything, but then, I didn't really expect him to. Our morning conversations usually consist of grunts on his side, and monosyllable words on mine. We both get up early a lot, but only by necessity. I got the feeling that if we weren't involved in this war, neither of us would get out of bed until it was nearly lunch.

We stayed like that for a while, totally unaware of the world outside each other. It was times like these that made me imagine that Heero might actually love me.

I lived for these moments, these flashes of time that sustained me through the long hours, like the sips of water a man might take while hiking through a desert with no end in sight.

Usually I was the one who ended them.

Like I did now.

"Hungry? Let's go have breakfast. I bet Quatre's making something."

And he was. Clothed in a T-shirt and shorts, I opened the door, and caught a whiff of the distinctive smell of frying bacon.

"Hey little brother." I sat down and watched him bustle around merrily.

The others trailed in, all drawn by the savory scent of Quatre's cooking. How the guy manages to make something as commonplace as frying bacon in oil smell so good is totally beyond me. It's a great motivator to get up in the morning though.

We ate our bacon, some fruit, very healthy, Quatre says, and decided we'd go back to the beach again. Guess what _I_ wanted to do? I wanted to make a sand castle!

Yes, I know I'm a crackpot. We go to the beach and what do I decide to do? Spend hours playing around with sand.

Heero and the others just kind of grinned at me fondly, and went and bought a whole set of buckets. For me. They really are the best friends a guy could have.

And what were they doing? Learning to surf. I was tempted, really, but that sort of thing just reminds me a little too much of the time I'd spent hiding behind a boulder in the middle of the ocean. Water all around me and the land a distant line on the horizon.

Nuh-uh. Let the other guys go and ride the bucking waves if they wanted.

I, on the other hand, scooped up sand with my little yellow shovel, and watched them go splat into the water with great amusement.

Trowa got the hang of it first. I wasn't surprised. He was the most graceful of us all. The others all kind of caught up after a while, much faster, I'm sure, than the teacher had expected, and swooped around at each other, yelling incomprehensible babble. To me, at least.

Back to my castle. It was coming around nicely. Keep in mind that all I've seen of castles are the ruins I've passed every once in a while, and once in a book.

There were four great big towers, forming a square, and to connect them, since nothing else worked, I got my tiny, tiny little bucket, barely bigger than my hand, and made walls with those small bucketfuls of sand, very delicately doing one row with exactly eighteen bucketfuls, then placing more on top of that row, until each wall was as tall as the tower. It took a hell of a long time, but the finished product was just…wow. Ever done one of those things that are just made up of the tiniest little pieces, most of them flawed in little ways, and then when you put it all together, it looks like a work of art? I'd even been able to carve out this door in the middle of a wall, perfect for crawling through. Don't ask me how I did it…I have no idea.

The whole thing was a square that measured eight feet by eight feet. I could sleep in the thing. With shade too. I was as excited as a little kid over his first bicycle.

The biggest bucket went past my knee. It was _huge_. This enormous yellow monster. That was the one I used for the first portion of the towers. Then I piled bucket on top of bucket…four levels in all. I spent an hour making sure all the turrets were perfectly shaped. Then I added to the walls. Freakin' four feet tall. That's just creepy.

The middle looked kind of empty, though, so I'd have to stick something in it, I guess. I felt a little sad about that…it'd mean I wouldn't be able to lie in it anymore.

I kind of napped there, inside my castle, for a while, until Wufei woke me up, his face peeking over the edge, and saying, "_Hell_, Maxwell, how long did it take you to make this thing?"

I blinked at him, and he turned around, calling, "Yuy! He's in here, the castle!"

Heero came pounding up, and his head appeared above the edge of my castle walls.

I rolled my eyes. "Guys get freaked out 'cause you couldn't see me anywhere?" I asked deprecatingly.

"Maxwell," Wufei said a little despairingly, "don't go and disappear on us like that. You'll give us a heart attack some day."

"All right, next time I take a nap in my castle, I'll be sure to run over and tell you," I pledged a little sarcastically.

"You do that," Wufei said severely. Heero pinned me with that look that told me he was equally serious.

I sighed at them, then perked up. "You like my castle?"

"It's incredible," Heero said, eyeing the walls I'd slaved over for at least a couple hours.

"What time is it?" I squinted at the sun. Usually, I could read time from its position, but this whole Caribbean thing was messing me up.

"A couple hours before dinner."

"Oh." Wow. Either I'd been napping for a long time, which I doubted, because I bet Heero noticed that I'd vanished within seconds, or I'd really spent around six or seven hours on my castle.

I edged out of my castle, and stood up, dusting myself off.

"Think I should leave it as is?" I asked.

"It's fine," Wufei assured me. "Much better than most of the other sand castles I've seen."

"So…you guys have fun surfing?"

"Yes, it was great," Heero said sincerely. "Why didn't you want to try it?"

"Memories," I said. We all knew not to pry when someone mentioned that kind of thing.

Quatre and Trowa appeared; I guess they were tired from surfing too.

"Duo! Your castle is great!" Quatre said enthusiastically.

"Thanks, little bro." I reached up to ruffle his hair, and discovered my hands were caked with sand.

"Uh, I think I'll go stick my hands in the water."

"All right, we'll just lay here and dry ourselves." He set off to grab some towels.

I walked up to the edge of the water, and dipped a finger in. The water was actually kind of warm, probably from the sun. A wave of water surged toward me, and I yelped, leaping away.

Eyeing it warily, I crept closer in until the water was up to my ankles, and cleaned the sand off my hands.

Then another wave rushed forward, and I ran away again. It kind of became a game; I'd stand in the water, and run from the frothy edge of the wave as it came, trying not to let it catch me.

It got to the point where I was treading water, and watching a twenty-foot tall wave rear its head above me, before I would turn tail and dash away.

And then I really started getting a little far from the beach, a good few hundred feet, at least. There was a rather intimidating wave looming above me, and I felt the most childish urge to stick my tongue out at it.

It was…exhilarating, knowing that any moment, a huge wave of water might crash down on me. Yep, I'm an adrenaline-junkie. All us pilots are. Okay…maybe not Other Duo. Currently, he was past the frightened stage and progressing onto the mind-shutting-down stage.

This time, I couldn't escape the wave, and boom! It was kind of scary, being pushed down and down and down and not being able to see the bottom of the ocean floor. The pressure was getting a little too much, and I was starting to panic, when that force on my chest lifted. A school of fish darted away from me, their gleaming little scales flashing.

I struggled back up for air, spitting water and laughing breathlessly, just because it hadn't killed me, and swam back for land.

Heero was waiting for me, his face set in stone, and as I staggered out of the water, still grinning like mad, he grabbed me, saying in an unyielding voice, "Enough. That one was too close."

"All right, enough," I agreed. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson after knowing what waves can do to you, especially when there are big, ugly rocks in strategic places to smash you into, but I guess you have to tell me things more than once for me to get it. More than twice, preferably.

He embraced me almost violently, and I protested, "Heero! I'm getting you wet!"

"I'll dry," he said.

So I hugged him back quickly, and then pulled back.

"You can hug me while we're lying on the towels," I suggested.

And that's what we did for half an hour, before Quatre proposed that we go in, spend some time in the massive Jacuzzi, and then eat dinner.

Wufei filled the thing up. It was decided, wordlessly, that we'd all keep our swim trunks on, for which I was glad. I didn't want to know what my body would think of seeing Heero naked.

It was hard enough to control it just seeing him in boxers, or his spandex shorts.

Quatre and Trowa were already in the tub, sitting close next to each other, and Heero was relaxing into one of those massaging gushes of water.

I unbraided my hair, grimacing at its stiffness, and stepped in. Damn, it was hot. Well, if you want to acclimate yourself to something, best to do it all at once.

I submerged myself, and then stood back up into the steamily humid air. Okay, _now_ the water felt good.

I just kind of drifted, really, to Heero, whose features seemed to be carved out of granite again, and I wondered what he wanted to hide in his expression.

"Mmm…" I murmured to Heero, "This is _wonderful._"

I snuggled next to him, because all this warmth got me into a cuddly kind of feeling, and he put an arm around my shoulder. "Can we stay like this forever?" I asked, vaguely aware of Wufei coming into the Jacuzzi room.

Heero didn't say anything, but his hand clutched at me.

"All right, all of you guys, break it up," Wufei said from somewhere in front of us, "the love in this room is making me woozy."

And then he cannonballed into the water. Did we get splashed? Yes, we did. Were we happy? No, we were not.

I cracked open an eye, and said forebodingly, "'Fei, prepare to be thoroughly pranked after this vacation."

"All right," he agreed.

Nothing could get this guy _down._

I scowled at him, and dropped my head back onto Heero's shoulder.

The lethargic murmurs of Quatre and Trowa chatting quietly, and the soporific rolling of water against my body was enough to make me fairly drowsy, and I kind of lost track of time, so it seemed like bare minutes before Trowa called an end to it all.

Reluctantly, we heaved ourselves out, and Quatre went to go stir something up, with Trowa as his assistant.

Dinner was pasta, with a kind of creamy sauce that seemed a bit bland when you first tried it, but got better as you slurped up more noodles.

We skipped the shower, because Quatre had sprinkled some kind of bath salt into the Jacuzzi, and we'd stayed in long enough that our skin was lobster red by the end of it.

Sleep was a welcome thing, and I embraced it as hard and swiftly as I would Heero.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The next day, the others went surfing again.

My castle had been claimed by several little kids, who were currently seated in the middle of the thing, and trying bury some poor guy under a mountain of sand.

I bemoaned the loss of a great nap place, but let them keep it. I was surprised the tide hadn't destroyed my castle, actually, but I guess mine was sturdy enough that the waves licking at the walls hadn't done much to erode the sand and topple it over.

It would have been nice to play 'catch me if you can' with the waves again, but I figured that Heero would probably kill me himself if I tried it.

So, I relaxed onto a towel, and let the sun bathe me with its warmth.

Indolently, I watched the guys perform all manner of tricks on their boards. They gathered quite a crowd, actually, and they thronged around me, since I had situated myself in the best position possible to watch Heero and the others.

Girls, and guys all around started comparing who they thought was hottest, and I found it really rather funny.

The blond guy, Quatre, got a lot of votes from the guy's side, and Trowa, 'the guy with the green swim trunks', was really popular among both sides. 'The guy with the ponytail,' Wufei, was squealed over almost abominably by a whole cluster of Asian and non-Asian girls, and I wondered what he would make of a bunch of 'onna's' spouting compliments about his great looking butt.

At least, I thought it was funny, until votes for Heero started coming in. He had followers from both guys and girls, like Trowa, and I found myself almost growling at a girl who kept gushing about him.

And when they came out of the water, after riding a wave, the giggles and gasps they got made me want to puke.

It was even worse after all damn four of them came up to ask me if I was all right. I guess they could tell, I dunno, from the stiffening of my body, maybe, that I wasn't the happiest guy.

"You guys have a damn fan club," I informed them point-blank. "They are making me sick."

"A fan club?" Heero paled a little.

"A fan club," I confirmed. "Who have been screaming about Trowa's skill, Quatre's cuteness, Wufei's ass, and your great body." I couldn't help but grin at them. "It was actually pretty funny until they just started going a little overboard."

The damn fan clubs were finally starting to recover from seeing the guys walk right through them, and I recommended, "You'd better leave before they slobber all over you."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Heero squatted down next to me and brushed my cheek.

"I'll be fine," I said forcefully, "you're the guys who'll be fish meat if you don't get out of here now."

Heero gave me an eye-smile, and left after the others, who'd practically scurried away at the sight of several crazy looking girls advancing on them.

Then, because their prey had escaped, everybody descended down on me. Joy.

And then began the most grueling interrogation I've ever had in my entire life.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, especially after I'd just almost gotten trampled by several way overenthusiastic Wufei supporters, all trying to ask different questions at the same time, and I marched the hell out of there.

I was standing _away_ from all those total Gundam pilot-surfer fanatics, and kind of wishing that Heero could hug me, when my soldier instincts snapped at me to look the hell behind me, and I whirled, distantly aware of some kind of round ball zipping right at my head.

My reflexes cracked into place, and I had the ball in my hand inches before it slammed into my face.

"Holy shit!" A guy ran up to me, saying, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," I assured him.

He was a lean guy, tall and muscled, with blond hair tied up in a ponytail not unlike Wufei's.

He grinned at me, showing sparkling white teeth that kind of dazzled me, and said appreciatively, "I don't know how the hell you caught the ball, man."

"Good reflexes," I said, and couldn't help but smile back at him. He was a friendly kind of guy, the kind of guy you automatically say hello to when you pass him on the street.

"Hey, we could use one more guy on our volleyball team…wanna join us?" he said invitingly.

"I don't know…" I said doubtfully, "I haven't played volleyball for years." I can't even remember why and when I learned it.

"It's alright, none of us are professionals or anything. We're just playing for fun," he said, dismissing my misgivings.

"All right, then," I said hesitantly.

"Great, man." He flashed his smile at me again, "My name's Ian."

"Duo." I shook his proffered hand, and he grabbed me and pulled me forward energetically.

"Guys!" he called. "I've got a new player for _my_ team," he said a bit aggressively.

"Him?" One of them, a huge guy with a mass of black chest hair, boomed. He towered over me, squinting. "God, he's tiny."

I bristled.

"It's all right, man," Ian whatever-his-last-name-was soothed, "Terry here doesn't know the meaning of tact."

"Terry, Duo," he gestured at me, "has the greatest reflexes I've ever seen. And he's on _my_ team."

"Don't pin any hopes on me," I said a bit uneasily, "my volleyball skills are probably totally rusty."

"Eh, no pressure man," he said, winking at me. I wasn't reassured.

I think he noticed my discomfort, because he suddenly grabbed another volleyball, and said, "You guys keep playing for a few minutes. I think Duo wants a moment to get back into the flow, right?"

I nodded, surprised at his thoughtfulness.

He tossed the ball to me, and my first try sucked. I made a face. He just grinned at me. After the first few throws, I kind of got used to the rhythm…if there is a rhythm, and my hits sailed unerringly toward him.

"Man, Duo, you play like a pro!" He stared at me admiringly.

I shifted under his scrutiny.

"I think I'm ready to play in the game now," I offered.

"Right," he said, grinning, "the other guys aren't going to know what hit them."

We stepped into the game, and I even kind of surprised myself with the way I almost never missed the ball, no matter how awkward the hit. None of the others really expected me to be really good, I think…for the first few minutes, they spent more time staring at me than the ball. The girls on the sidelines, most of the guy's girlfriends, I guess, whispered and nudged each other for a while; I wondered briefly what they were saying about me.

Soon enough, though, both they were cheering me on, with those quick compliments you give in the middle of a game, and I was exchanging banter with the guys like old friends.

Ian was always the first to whoop when I scored a point…I was really grateful for his encouragement, even if it did seem a mite excessive.

After about an hour, Terry called for a break, and I sat on the sand, panting lightly.

He approached me, and rumbled, "For a midget, you're pretty damn good."

"I'm five feet five, thank you very much," I said a bit indignantly, "_you_ are the freakin' giant."

He chuckled, and repeated, "Pretty damn good," before walking away.

Then Ian was in front of me, and he said, smiling, his hands on his hips, "Duo, you could be a team all by yourself."

"Of course I couldn't," I said, surprised, "I'm not nearly good enough to beat all of you."

"Yes, you are," he insisted, "don't be modest."

"I'm not being modest!" I glared at him.

He laughed at me, then gave me hand to pull myself up.

I grasped it, still glowering, and he yanked a little too hard, smashing me right into him.

He apologized profusely as I scrambled backwards, but refused to let go of my hand. I began to get a little suspicious. Even I can't miss hints like these. _Good. I was really starting to get worried about you. _That would be Other Duo.

"Duo!" I snapped my head toward that voice, Heero's voice. I sighed. Oops. I'd disappeared on them again.

Ian let go of my hand, and I tried not to snatch it back.

"Heero, over here!" I yelled. He appeared around the corner, jogging towards me.

He waved a hand at somebody behind him, and I assumed, a bit guiltily, that he wasn't the only one looking for me.

A little annoyed that he would think I couldn't take care of myself, I walked towards him, Ian following me, for some strange reason, and Heero skidded to a stop in front of me.

"I'm fine, Heero," I said, fed up, "you don't really need to freak out just because I vanish for an hour. It's in the middle of the day on a damn beach…nobody's going to come and start trying to blow holes in people or anything."

He looked a little taken aback. "I was afraid you might've gone back out there and been pushed under again," he said quietly, and I thought of how frantic he was when I tried it yesterday and the way they all believed I'd drowned those months ago and felt guilty as hell.

I rubbed the back of my neck and said contritely, "I'm sorry, Heero. I wasn't thinking."

"I can see that," he snapped, and I winced. His glare softened.

From behind me, I heard Ian say a bit ruefully, "Well, I can see I'm not really wanted here."

"Ah. There you are," Quatre popped up on my right. "Heero was going ballistic," he said cheerfully.

And where Quatre went, Trowa couldn't be far behind…

"Volleyball, huh?" he said, flipping a glance to Ian and the others.

Reminded of the other guys, I dragged my group of mother hens over. "Hey, there're some guys I want you to meet."

Ian walked up to me, and smiled, but there was a different quality to his smiles. They weren't so…engaging.

"Want to introduce your friends?"

"Okay guys, this is Ian," I said. "Ian, this is Wufei, Quatre, Trowa, and Heero." Was it just me or did he seem to stare at Heero a little longer than the others?

Heero stiffened a little, so I guess it wasn't totally my imagination, and wrapped an arm around my waist.

After that, Ian seemed to sort of back off from me, not like before, when he was always there, wherever I turned.

He gave me a subdued grin, and asked, "Want some ice cream? I'm paying."

I looked at them; Heero and Trowa declined, but Quatre and Wufei agreed to have mint chocolate and vanilla, respectively.

"Okay," I turned to Ian, "Two mint chocolate chips and a vanilla."

"Sure."

"Thanks, Ian." I smiled at him, and he nodded a little, and left.

I took my guys to the other guys, and brought them around.

There was a little bit of a tense moment when one of them mentioned something about almost caving in my head with a volleyball, and I thought Heero was going to jump them.

"C'mon," I scoffed, "there wasn't even enough force packed into that punch to break my nose."

"Says you. That was Terry's hit."

"Ah," I waved a hand, "same thing."

They laughed raucously for a moment, and one of them told the Heero and the others, "You've got yourselves a treasure here."

"We know," Trowa said.

Then Ian was back, with that kind of carton that holds all your ice cream cones, and I snagged three, handing two to Wufei and Quatre.

I licked mine, letting the minty green coolness melt on my tongue. Yum. I hadn't had ice cream for the longest time.

"Isn't ice cream the yummiest thing in the world, Heero?" I asked absent-mindedly.

"…I don't remember what it tastes like."

"You _don't!"_ I looked up at him, startled.

He shook his head.

"Here, have some of mine." My ice cream cone was stuck in his face, and he looked at it like it was some strange creature or something.

"Come on," I coaxed, "it's really good."

He took a tiny taste, and then seemed to contemplate it.

"Want more?"

"But it's your ice cream…" he said a bit halfheartedly.

"Heero, you're my best friend. I could share anything with you."

His resistance just kind of collapsed after that, and we took turns licking our scoop of ice cream.

Sounds of a conversation reached my ears, and I listened rather distractedly.

"Ian! How the hell you'd get _them_ over here?" This voice was _really_ excited.

"They came looking for Duo." Ian sounded kind of resigned.

"Duo?"

"The guy with the long braid."

"Shit! He's fucking beautiful!"

_Okaaay…do not blush, do not blush. I guess they don't know that Gundam pilots have better hearing than other people. Really hope Heero can't hear this. _

"They're all fucking _gorgeous!_" She sounded like she was about to swoon. "I thought for sure that people were all exaggerating, but hell, I think they were right!"

_Exaggerating?_

"Exaggerating?" Ian sounded as puzzled as I felt.

"You know, the whole crowd on the beach back over there. The ones talking about the totally hot surfers?"

"That's _them?"_

"Well, yeah. I mean, _look_ at them. They _totally_ fit. There's the guy with the ponytail, the blonde guy, the guy with the green swim trunks, and the guy with spiky brown hair."

There was a thoughtful noise from Ian's side.

"I'm surprised you're not all over them right now, Ian."

_So he is gay._

"The one I liked best is taken."

_Who? Quatre or Trowa?_

"Which one?"

"Duo."

I nearly dropped our ice cream. _I'm taken?_

"The beautiful guy with the braid?"

"Just wait till you see him up close," Ian said, "and his eyes…"

_My eyes? Heero's eyes are the beautiful ones. _Other Duo agreed with me wholeheartedly.

"Why not one of the other guys? They're all so fucking hot, I wouldn't mind any of them."

"Four of the guys are taken, my dear Laurie."

"_What?_ Taken? By who? Tell me so I can go and kill them."

I almost choked.

There was a chuckle. "The blonde guy is with the guy with the green swim trunks, in case you couldn't tell, and Duo is with…_Heero_."

I almost dropped our ice cream. Again. I really, really hoped, rather optimistically, that Heero wasn't listening to this.

"…hot _damn…_that is _so _fucking unfair! They couldn't share their gorgeousness?" A pause. "Heero the guy with the spiky brown hair?"

"Yes."

"You don't like him very much…do you?"

_Why don't you like Heero?_

"I suppose I'm a little…envious."

_Eh?_

"You really fell for the guy with the braid, didn't you?" Her tone was sympathetic.

_Fell for me? What an idiot._

_Uhh…I mean that in the nicest way possible. It's flattering, but I think it's rather stupid._

"Well…you said so yourself, he's fucking _beautiful. _And modest, and graceful, and has gorgeous _purple_ eyes."

"_Purple_ eyes? Damn."

I'd pretty much failed at not blushing at this point.

"You _sure_ he's with, uh, Heero?"

"Look at the way they act, man," Ian sounded a little…angry.

I wondered how we acted.

Heero put an arm around me and bit into the cone I offered him.

_Right. Maybe that is a bit much for most best friends._ Other Duo rolled his eyes.

"It's sort of cute, actually."

_Cute?_

"Cute?" Ian became my echo once again.

"I mean, look at the way they look at each other! They're totally in love!"

Whoops. There goes the ice cream cone.

Heero caught it in one quick swoop, though, and smiled a little at me, giving it back.

"Shit! Look at his reflexes!"

"Duo has quick reflexes too." Ian sounded a little bit dreamy and I cringed. "We nearly sent him to the hospital, you know," he confided.

Heero didn't stiffen or flinch or anything so I think he couldn't hear them.

"It's how I met him. Terry slammed the volleyball a little too hard one time, and you know how hard he hits."

There was a noise of agreement.

"So the volleyball is going at a hundred miles an hour, and it's headed straight at the back of Duo's head." Ian's voice grew more animated as he remembered.

"When he whips around, and just catches the thing inches before it hits him."

"He fucking caught one of Terry's wild serves? Wow."

"I know. And then he hasn't played volleyball for _years_, and he joins in after three minutes of practice, and I feel like a damn amateur."

Other Duo preened.

"That good?"

"He barely broke a sweat after one hour."

"He sounds nearly fucking perfect the way you talk about him." Her voice sounded a little amused, a little disbelieving.

"He nearly is."

_This is really…embarrassing. Please stop before I dig a hole and hide in it. _

"Well, introduce me to him. I want to see the guy who has you all poetic."

_Oh god. Somebody please save me._

I inched closer to Heero as I heard footsteps approaching, and he gave me a curious glance, licking his lips to mop up the last traces of our already finished ice cream.

He eye-smiled gently at me. "You were right. Ice cream _is _good."

I almost melted into a pile of goo. "Oh, I'm glad you liked it," I said dazedly.

"Duo, I'd like you to meet somebody."

_Oh no. Them. I totally forgot._

I braced myself, and turned and gave them a bright smile.

"This is Laurie."

"Nice to meet you." She wasn't a blonde, like I'd first thought, but more of an orangey-haired girl, with hazel eyes.

"Ian here has been telling me all about your exploits in volleyball," she smiled engagingly at me.

"Exploits?" _Yep, real intelligent. Just keep on repeating, Maxwell._

"You are damnably good, Duo," Ian said, sounding a little irritated.

"I'm just okay," I mumbled, ducking my head. "Bet my friends could make me look like a damn novice."

Wufei came up just then. "He always looks like a damn novice," he teased.

"'Fei…I run faster than you, if you didn't remember," I said archly.

"And I'm stronger," he said shamelessly, "maybe nothing compared to your boyfriend, but…" He shrugged.

"Wufei…" I said, exasperated, and he just grinned at me, and left, nodding at Laurie and Ian.

"And that would be 'Fei," I told Laurie, "the idiot who has a scheduled dunk in the water any moment now."

She laughed.

"This guy here is Heero, my best friend."

"Your best friend?" she asked roguishly.

"Mm-hm," I nodded at her guilelessly.

Suddenly, a ball zoomed toward my head, and Heero and I shot out a hand each to stop its movement.

Jones, one of the guys, strode over, saying, "Fuck! I'm sorry!" He gave me a sort of sheepish look. "We're really out to get you today, aren't we?"

"No problem," I consoled him. "Nothing's ever going to get past Heero's guard anyway."

"I believe you," he said, backing away a little at Heero's fierce look.

"I'm all right," I told Heero, grinning reassuringly. "As if a ball could get me down."

Quatre and Trowa came running up, looking at me worriedly, and I stifled a sigh.

"Guys…" I said meaningfully, "I am fine." Their worried looks didn't lessen much, so I continued despairingly, "Heero is here. Do you really think he would let a freakin' volleyball hit me?"

"…No."

I wondered why all it took was a mention of Heero protecting me and they backed off, but let me try to explain that _I_ wasn't about to get a volleyball slammed into my face, and it's like they couldn't even hear me.

"Gods." I turned and gave Laurie and Ian a doleful look. "They're all such overprotective lumps."

"I feel for you," Laurie rolled her eyes. "Guys seem to think that we _girls_ can't do anything without breaking our necks either." She reached out a hand to pat my arm or something, I guess, and Heero, always the soldier, and wrought a little more edgy than usual by the nearly homicidal volleyball, predictably overreacted.

Seizing her arm before it even came close to teaching me, he held it in a grip that I knew left bruises from personal experience.

Oh boy.

I rolled my eyes. "Heero, _relax_." He didn't.

I said soothingly, "I'm all right, she wasn't going to hurt me. She's not a threat." At the sound of my soothing voice, he seemed to calm down considerably, and I made a note to use it more often when he was stressed.

He released her hand, but couldn't let it go without one more menacing glare.

"Heero!" I remonstrated sharply. "Lighten up already." Cupping his cheek, I added more gently, "That was just a _little_ too excessive."

"…I'm sorry," he said gruffly, though I wasn't sure if it was more directed toward me or Laurie.

I turned and smiled at Laurie apologetically. "I'm sorry. His nerves are a little tense right now, after that volleyball had another go at me."

"Uh…that's all right. You're pretty lucky to have such a good boyfriend." She gave me a faint smile.

I sighed, but didn't correct her.

"Yes," Trowa grunted next to me, "the guy could win an award for most protective."

Quatre asked anxiously, "Is your wrist all right? Heero sometimes reacts without thinking, and doesn't really control his strength."

"I'm all right." Laurie perked up a little at the realization that two more attractive guys had their attentions focused on her.

"Laurie, meet Quatre, my little bro, and Trowa, his intended." I grinned mischievously at her.

She put on a mournful look, and said sorrowfully, "Two more totally hot guys off the market…you guys suck."

"I told you, my dear," Ian said smugly, "all the guys worth looking at are either taken, or gay. It's one of those rules of the world."

"'Fei's not taken, and I think he's not gay," I said with an evil chuckle, "but he kind of avoids women." I leaned forward as if divulging some secret, and whispered loudly, "I think he's afraid of them."

Quatre laughed, "If Wufei hears that you said that…"

"It's the pure and simple truth," I said serenely.

Laurie giggled, and said, "Too bad, really. That guy has one _gorgeous _ass."

I started laughing, and she grinned uncertainly at me. "I'm sorry, it's just that every damn person on the whole beach seems to be fixated on poor Wufei's butt. He's going to have a fit when he hears of that."

Laurie smiled at me, and said, "Well, it was great meeting you. I've gotta go, though, or my big brother will totally freak."

"See ya soon, maybe," I waved a hand, and Ian walked her away.

The wind carried her words back to us, and I heard, "You were right, Ian baby, you never had a chance with him. And his eyes _are_ the most fucking beautiful purple I've ever seen."

I fought my blush manfully.

"God, but I envy him his boyfriend."

Ian muttered something that I couldn't quite catch.

"You don't think so? I think it was totally sweet, the way his boyfriend reacted to any hint of danger. You're right, their reflexes are _amazing._"

The last bit of their conversation floated our way, "…not nearly as perfect as you said, but pretty fucking close."

The others had definitely heard them this time, and I refused to look at anybody.

None of them said anything, though, and I wondered if it had just been me, and that the voices had totally missed the other guys.

"So," I said, "what's 'Fei doing?"

"Some guys are teaching him volleyball," Quatre reported.

"Well," I said, "why don't we go and join him? I mean, he's surrounded by a crowd of pretty normal people…he needs some support from us weirdoes."

We went, and I let the others awe everybody into speechlessness.

Only Quatre'd known how to play volleyball before, and like me, his skills were pretty rusty. But we were Gundam pilots, and our bodies had been honed as weapons, so pretty much everything physical came to us naturally.

Trowa picked up on volleyball as effortlessly as he did surfing, and if Heero sets his mind to it, he can do anything. Wufei already had it down pat, perfecting every minute detail as meticulously as he did everything else.

Ian returned from his short stroll with Laurie, and watched them mutely for a moment. "Dammit, Duo," he said, his voice a little aggrieved, "why do you and your friends have to be so damn perfect?"

"Not me," I said flatly. "Definitely not me." A tiny bit of bitterness darkened my tone, and I forced it away.

Ian looked at me a little strangely. "Duo…I don't know _how_ you can think that-"

I broke into his sentence before he could finish it, "The others, though, there's a reason we call Heero 'Mr. Perfect,' and I think the goal 'Fei strives for _is_ perfection. He certainly knows how to aim high, doesn't he?" I grinned at him wryly. "Quatre and Trowa, I dunno, they're both perfect, in their own special way. I suppose you could say I'm a perfect wacko." I tilted my head up at him, inviting him to share the joke.

His face was filled almost with a kind of…disbelief, and I wondered what I'd said.

"Duo!"

It was Terry, and he waved an arm vigorously at me.

"Let's play some volleyball! Your black haired and blond haired friends are with me! Oh, and Wurdin, (I guess that was Ian's last name), Duo's on my team this time."

"_McMurtry_…" Ian swelled. I assumed that was Terry's last name as well.

I unfolded myself from the ground, and said encouragingly, "You get Trowa and Heero. Trust me, just because they're beginners doesn't make them any worse than me."

"Yes," he said agitatedly, "but he gets _three_ of _you_ guys, and I only get two!"

When'd we get put into a different category from the regular guys?

"Never say 'only' about Heero and Trowa," I warned, "they're virtually unbeatable."

He still grumbled the whole way to the net, though, and glowered threateningly at Terry, who said, "You get the two who aren't midgets, anyway."

"Terry…" I poked him, "Are you _still _on about that? Just because we're two feet shorter doesn't mean we can't kick your butt."

Quatre piped up, "We're small, but vicious."

"Like weasels," Terry said.

Wufei flicked sand at him.

"Alright, alright." Terry held his hands up in defeat. "Well, let the game begin."

Heero and Trowa proved me right. Virtually unbeatable.

Even with Quatre and Wufei and me, it was difficult staying ahead of them, and every point was furiously debated over.

An hour and a half of that kind of exhausting play, and I was really starting to feel the strain.

Finally, Ian gasped, "We give."

"Ha!" Terry smirked at him, and gave everybody a high-five. He nearly knocked me flat on my back, and Quatre actually stumbled back, before just sitting down.

"Beatcha." I grinned up at Trowa and Heero.

"Hmph." Trowa grunted and sat down next to Quatre.

"Where's Heero?" I looked around for his distinctive thatch of hair.

"That Wurdin guy pulled him over to talk about something," Trowa said.

"Talk about what?" I asked inquisitively.

"You, I think."

I stared at him. "Should I be going over there?" I asked a little timidly.

"Give them a minute," he advised, "then go and break them up."

"Oh, okay." I counted to sixty, and then got up.

"Relax, Maxwell," Wufei chuckled at me.

I grinned at him vaguely, and left.

When I got to them, Ian seemed to be saying something very earnestly, and Heero had this solemn little frown on his face.

They twisted to face me at my hesitant footsteps, both of them with the looks you get when someone walks in on you with your hand in the cookie jar.

"Heero? Ian?" I scrutinized them closely; they didn't seem on the point of tearing out each other's throats…so maybe my reservations had been unfounded.

I threw them a bright smile. "Talking about something interesting?"

They just stared at me.

Finally, Ian said carelessly, "Just testing the waters, man. Don't worry about it."

I couldn't help but notice the way Heero's knuckles had paled to a white. His face, of course, was as indifferent as ever.

"Anyway, have to go now," Ian said, and gave me a fierce hug. "Good-bye." I watched him running across the sand, and wondered why his good-bye seemed to ring in my ears long after he left.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Hey, Qat, what time is it?"

"'Round five. We better be getting back. Remember, you guys promised to try one of those five star restaurants."

"But," Trowa said soulfully, "your cooking is better than theirs."

Quatre elbowed him, and said, "Don't be silly. Just try it."

We all sighed in unison, but when Quatre wants to do something, it's a given that we will. After all, it's not a good idea to spurn our best cook in any way.

"Hey…" I suddenly remembered something I'd read about five star restaurants. "We don't have to dress up or anything, do we?"

"No," Quatre said, "some people still do, but it hasn't been a requirement for ages."

"Oh. Okay."

We got back to the hotel, and cleaned ourselves up pretty decently. Heero, of course, wore spandex shorts and a tank top. The very embodiment of informal.

He's never going to get over his infatuation with spandex, is he?

The rest of us all wore an assortment of T-shirts and shorts, and Quatre called a cab to take us to wherever the hell we were going to eat.

Its name was some incomprehensible gibberish, and the inside was just crazy. Trees everywhere, waterfall fountains trickling to give the music a pleasant counterpoint, and even though I bet there were more people in there that could fit in a square mile, it still seemed spacious.

Quatre had a reservation, of course. A waiter smiled at us engagingly as he took us to our booth. At least he wasn't like one of those uppity nose-in-the-air waiters I'd been afraid we might have.

We got seated smack dab in the middle of the restaurant, next to some kind of giant aquarium.

I was totally fascinated by the thing, and didn't even register the waiter leaving us some menus.

"Duo." Wufei nudged me. "Pick something."

I took a desultory glance at the menu, tried to understand what the hell they were talking about, and then just looked up helplessly.

"Quatre," I said decisively, "you can choose for me. Anything that you think is good." I hesitated. "Not something really spicy, though."

I wasn't really used to the whole burning-up-your-mouth thing.

Then I slammed my face right back onto the glass of the aquarium, and watched, wide-eyed, as two vibrant-colored fishes swam by.

The thing was like this column of water swirling up to the ceiling, and the glass was so clear, that for a moment, I actually thought the water was standing by itself, defying the force of gravity.

It was a little creepy, though, 'cause a little part of your mind kept screaming at you that the whole thing was going to just disintegrate onto your head.

Almost all the fishes in there were the _weirdest_ fishes I've ever seen. Not that I've seen many. This trip was actually the first time I'd really gotten to see a live fish up close. Besides on TV.

Some tiny, graceful looking fishes dressed in an amazing myriad of glossy blues and greens came to nose curiously at my part of the glass, and I guess they thought I was part of the exhibit too.

I jerked back inadvertently. I really thought they were going to nip at my nose or something.

"Isn't this _cool?_" I grinned at the other guys exuberantly, and they kind of rolled their eyes, kind of exchanged affectionate, long-suffering looks.

I dove right back to my fish-watching.

A…_thing_ flapped by a few feet ahead of me, and I nearly shouted in surprise. It was…disturbing beyond belief.

It looked like a mat with a devil's tail. And its mouth…gods, that part was scary.

"Shit…what _was _that thing?"

Somehow, without knowing it, I'd grabbed hold of Heero's arm, and I stared at the others.

"That," Quatre imparted, "was a ray."

"A ray…right," I said distantly.

I eyed the column warily, wondering what else it was going to spit out and shock the life out of me.

But then I was captivated again by all the variegated kinds of sea creatures, and found myself somehow plastered to the glass once more.

My awed silence was marked only by excited exclamations to the other guys, who probably weren't listening.

For once, Other Duo and I were in complete agreement. This was _beyond_ fantastic.

I dragged my eyes long enough to inquire, "Did we order yet?"

"Ten minutes ago," Trowa informed me good-naturedly.

"Okay, how long till the food?" I asked distractedly.

"You probably have another ten minutes to stare at the fish, Duo," Quatre said, laughing.

"Oh good."

I was ecstatically babbling about this black and white striped fish with lots and lots and lots of weird little fins, when, out of the blue, another _thing_ comes and smashes its ugly face right against mine. Well…it would've been right against mine if there hadn't been glass.

I caught a glimpse of lots of lethal looking pointy teeth as I shot backwards, yelling, "_Holy shit!"_ Other Duo screaming just as loudly inside my head.

_Hammer-head shark_, I remembered, from a pretty damn terrifying movie I'd seen with the other guys, and decided that the real thing was much_, much_ freakier.

It stuck to the side for a few more seconds, then turned, glaring sinisterly at me from one beady looking eye, and swam away.

I looked at the others, who were staring at me, a little white, and I said shakily, "Okay, that was kinda scary."

"You should have seen it from our point of view," Wufei said just as unsteadily. "It looked like you missed having your head bit off by less than an inch."

This time, it was Heero who was holding my arm as if he would crush it.

I suddenly realized that we were the center of attention of the whole damn room, and every damn person was gawking at the crazy guy who unexpectedly screamed a curse in the middle of a nice, peaceful dinner.

I wanted to sink into the floor, but said valiantly, "Sorry, people. A shark just decided it wanted a bite of my head and shoved its mouth into my face. It was…a little surprising."

A chuckle kind of rolled around the room, and everyone got back to their meals, though not without a few more strange looks directed our way. I wondered what they thought of us, five obviously young guys, and eating in one of the best places of the house.

I released a trembling breath, and said, "Okay, I think I'm done with staring at the fish."

"Duo," Trowa said, and his eyes were wide behind that fringe of hair, "How the hell do you manage to get into life-threatening situations in the middle of a freakin' five-star restaurant?"

"That wasn't life-threatening," I protested, "that was just really, really weird."

Then our dinner arrived. The waiter kind of grinned at me, and said, "I take it you had a meeting with our notorious hammerhead?"

"Head on," I agreed in what I thought was a frighteningly accurate turn of phrase.

"It's a rather frightening experience…and it's almost worse watching it," he said, giving the others a wink. "Trust me, you haven't been scared till you've seen him try to rip off a five-year old girl's head pressed up in the glass right in front of you."

I blanched. "He does this often?"

"Every chance he gets, when he's not sleeping," the waiter chuckled.

"Oh good," I said in relief, "I was afraid it was just me."

He laughed and passed out our meals.

Quatre had ordered some kind of fried fish for me – well, duh, we were in the middle of an ocean, and it had a tangy, brown sauce smeared all over it. _That_ was delicious.

I poked my fork suspiciously into this heap of straggly yellow things, and looked to Quatre for help.

"Just try it," he urged, watching me with a playful gleam in his eyes that I totally did not trust.

I looped one over my fork, and inspected it, making sure it did not move.

"If this is a worm, little brother," I threatened, "you'll be in a _big_ trouble when I get my hands on you."

"It's not a worm," he said, grinning.

After nibbling at a piece, I contemplated it heavily. It was kind of…bouncy, and chewy, but it wasn't altogether unpleasant.

"It's not too bad," I admitted to Quatre, then asked, "So…what is it?"

"Jellyfish tentacles," he said impishly.

"_Jellyfish tentacles?_" I stared at him.

"C'mon," he wheedled, "you didn't think it was so bad when you didn't know what it was."

"Jellyfish tentacles," I grumped.

I took another bite, and mulled over it thoughtfully.

"So?" Quatre said a bit impatiently.

I gave him a grudging, "I guess it's okay."

"See, I told you!" He beamed at me. "Can I have one?"

"Take your pick." I pushed the plate across the table.

He masticated on one with the most interesting expression on his face. "It's kind of springy…is that the way it's supposed to be?" He looked at me for an answer.

"How am _I_ supposed to know? You're the expert!"

"Well," Quatre said defensively, "I've never had jellyfish tentacles before."

"You've never _had_ them before?" I asked him in disbelief. "So what was I? Your test subject?"

"Yes," he said shamelessly.

I just gaped at him.

"Winner has a truly devious streak," Wufei laughed. "Let me try one." He stole a tentacle off my plate.

"Yes," he agreed, after chewing on one for a minute, "it is most interesting. But not distasteful." He reached out and filched another one.

I recovered from my shock. "Hey! How would you like it if I went and started taking _your_ food?"

Grabbing some of his crabmeat, I munched on it and said, "Hey…not bad."

I eyed everybody else's plate slyly.

"Is that raw?" I prodded a thin slab of fish on Heero's dish.

"Yes," he said.

"Is it good?" I asked dubiously.

"Not bad."

"Can I try some?"

"If you want."

I gnawed on a piece. "…Chewy."

My eyes lighted upon Trowa's plate. He had these huge shrimp creatures on it.

Quick as a flash, my fork shot out and nabbed one.

"Duo, that's _my_ prawn," Trowa said evenly.

I examined it, paying no heed to his indignation, and said, "Gross! Look at the eyes…it's staring at me. That's what I've never liked about shrimp. People never take their heads off. Actually, sometimes, people never even take the heads off the fish," I continued, gesturing wildly, "and then the eyes stare at you the whole time you're ripping the flesh off their bones. It's totally morbid, man."

"Well, then eat the eyes," Wufei said in a reasonable tone.

"What? No way, then they're watching the half-digested pieces of their body come down and settle into your stomach! I feel like we're torturing the things." I stared back at the shrimp, uh, prawn, sadly.

"Then," Wufei said, rolling his eyes, "cut off the heads-"

"Cut off their heads!" I affected a great expression of horror.

"-and," he pressed on calmly, "cover their heads with a napkin so they don't have to watch the desecration of their bodies."

Ponderously, I thought it over. "Can we bury their heads on the beach?"

Trowa groaned. "If walking all over to the beach, digging a stupid hole, and burying the damn heads puts your sensibilities to rest, then by all means, do it."

"Or," Heero said, obviously not expecting me to listen to him, "just _eat_ the thing already."

I considered that. "All right," I said, and popped the whole thing in my mouth.

Heero, Wufei, and Trowa looked a little startled, and Quatre burst out with, "I thought you said eating their eyes was like torturing the things!"

"Well," I said musingly, "I don't really feel up to being as silly as you need to be to be burying shrimp heads in the beach, so I thought I'd just make it as fast as I could."

They gaped at me, and I speared another prawn.

"Yum." Licking my lips, I devoured another one.

Wufei started grinning. "Maxwell," he said, "you are, without a doubt, the oddest person I have _ever_ met."

"Mm."

"Hear, hear," Trowa said, raising a cup to salute him. Then he switched his attentions to me. "Take another prawn and you are dead."

"I am dead," I repeated dutifully as I reached out to swipe another of Trowa's juicy, giant prawns.

He locked his fork with mine, and said warningly, "Don't make me do anything I don't want to."

"_Trowa…_"

"These prawns are mine," he said inflexibly.

Sulkily, I said, "Alright," not really wanting to get into a food fight with Trowa.

I looked down to my plate, and saw, aghast, that _someone_ had finished all my jellyfish!

"Wu_feeeii_," I looked up, intent on revenging my stolen tentacles.

"It wasn't just me," Wufei said with a martyred look. "Your boyfriend had some too."

"_Heero?_"

He looked at me a little guiltily, and said, "I'm sorry. They were good, and you said you could share anything with me." He gave me a hopeful eye-smile.

I melted. Just melted right then and there. Gods, am I in trouble or what?

"It's all right, Heero, I was getting pretty full anyway." I smiled at him, and only kept it from becoming an adoring smile by all the force of my stubborn will.

I leaned back into my chair, realizing that I was pretty sated, actually, and looked at Quatre.

"So, little brother, what're we doing tomorrow?"

"One more day at the beach, and then the day after that, we're going to take a boat out to the ocean. They've promised to show us some dolphins."

"Dolphins?" Seeing a dolphin was practically my childhood dream. It was impossible to find them on L2, since they didn't exist there, and even on Earth, the only planet on which they could actually live, they were rare.

He nodded.

"Quatre…" I could've cried. Almost did. Other Duo pulled up a nonexistent chair and sat down abruptly. _Dolphins…_he said.

"That's…that's great," I said softly.

The others ate silently for a moment, before Wufei called the waiter over. "Excuse me, where is the restroom?"

"Here, I'll take you," the waiter bowed dashingly, letting Wufei out first.

I noticed him staring attentively at Wufei's butt, and started grinning. "'Fei's ass takes another victim," I whispered to the others.

When Wufei got back, he was doubtless a little troubled by all the smirking that was going his way, but he didn't ask. Probably afraid of our answer.

We finished our meal, and the waiter took Quatre's check.

Going out the door, he said winningly, "Please come again. We'll welcome you anytime."

I stifled my chuckles until we were well out of hearing distance, and then nudged Wufei playfully. "Tone down your hotness, 'Fei. You had him swooning as we left."

"Don't be ridiculous, Maxwell," he said haughtily.

"He was totally besotted with you." _Especially your butt._

Wufei scoffed incredulously. "Me? You're the one who had every person in the room infatuated with you."

"As if."

"It's true," he insisted, looking at the other guys for support. "Didn't that guy two tables away from us just stare at you the whole time?"

"Because he thought I was a freak." I stuck in.

"And then there was the girl who nearly fainted every single time you smiled."

I laughed at him. "You noticed all that and didn't catch the waiter ogling your butt?"

"What?" He twitched.

"The whole way to the bathroom," I said, giving him a puckish grin.

"He did not!" Wufei was looking a little horrified now.

"You were wiggling your ass right in front of him. It was the perfect view."

He stopped walking.

I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and said, "Don't worry. It wasn't a bad view at all. He couldn't keep his eyes off of it. Of course," I reflected, "neither could the rest of the room. And you said _I_ had people infatuated with me. Your butt could inspire armies, 'Fei."

"Maxwell…" There was a truly ominous tone to his voice.

I danced away, cackling a little manically. That felt _good._

Later, that evening, Trowa shocked me into speechlessness.

I was preparing to go to bed, yawning loudly, when he walked by me, and paused long enough to say six words. "Not perfect. But pretty damn close."

My yawn stopped halfway past my throat, and I tripped over a chair.

Well, if Trowa had heard it, that meant Heero and Quatre had too. _Shit._

I was really thinking of just resigning my post as Gundam pilot and applying for a job as an ostrich. They _were_ kind of stupid, just to stick their heads in the sand, but, I vowed, I would become the first ostrich who could dig up a six feet hole in five seconds flat and dive in it.

The next day, guess what they decided to do? You got it, surfing. They were addicted to the sport, I'm serious. It did look kind of fun, being able to whiz around the waves like that and laugh at one of nature's great powers…but not even being able to flip the bird at the ocean could get me out there to become the object of another damn fan club. No way in hell.

I just walked along the beach for a while, enjoying the almost soothing roaring of the waves, and letting the sand sift between my toes.

Then something really, really strange happened. Just for a change, I'd decided to walk in the water. The water barely went up to my ankle. I was looking up at the sky, the wind playing giddily with my hair, when I put my foot down, and the heel _squished_. I looked down, hoping I hadn't stepped on a fish, when this really agonizing tingly feeling penetrated my foot.

It kind of eddied upwards to my legs, and I stumbled back from whatever the hell I'd stepped on. Something grabbed hold of my chest and squeezed. Then I blacked out. Just like that.

I'm not really sure how long I was out, but when I woke up, there was somebody pounding my chest. Hard.

Ouch.

"Ian?"

"Duo, thank Gods!" He grabbed me, and held me against him, limp as a rag doll.

"What the hell happened?" My mouth felt a little unwieldy.

"You stepped on a fucking jellyfish. A fucking Portuguese man-of-war."

Groggily, I said, "A jellyfish? I thought they were only supposed to sting."

He gave a kind of hysterical chuckle. "Not this one. This one fucking kills, sometimes. You were lucky, you barely stepped on it. And, on top of that," his voice rose, "you had a fucking strange allergic reaction."

"Ugh." I shook my head a little blearily. "Help me up, would you?"

"Your heart almost stopped," he said, a hitch in his voice, "there's no fucking way I'm going to let you walk anywhere."

"I don't need to go to the hospital, do I?" I asked warily.

"No," he sighed, finally seeming to relax, "usually, if you wake up after a sting, and don't start vomiting or anything, you're alright. I already cleaned off your foot with salt water. I'll need to put some more stuff on it later. You just need to keep your foot still for at least a couple hours."

"As long as you don't drag me to the hospital."

"I'll take you to where we play volleyball. You can just sit and rest for a while, okay? No moving." He looked at me sternly.

"All right," I acquiesced. That had scared me a little. Okay, more than a little. Who knew that something I'd just eaten for dinner could be so deadly?

Maybe, I thought, still kind of unfocused, it was their kind of twisted, soft-bodied revenge for consuming one of their brethren's tentacles.

When Ian got back to the others, still carrying me, he shouted at them about a jellyfish sting, and there was a whole flurry of movement.

A towel was laid out, rubbing alcohol and some kind of powder produced, and before I knew it, they had the alcohol poured over my foot, and I was staring up at the sky from the towel.

Then they rubbed that weird powder on my foot, and told me to, quoting their words, "stay the hell still."

I guess jellyfish stings weren't all that uncommon. Of course, there was the part about my heart nearly just went and quit on me…_that_ had them a little nervous, I could tell.

I sighed. Maybe the guys were right. Maybe I _should_ have some watchdog guarding me all the time. It seemed like I couldn't go for a damn walk without nearly killing myself. Heero was going to have a coronary when he heard of this. It wasn't like I could hide it with half the beach already talking about it.

An hour passed before they heard of the 'guy who nearly died from a jellyfish shock' and I was up and walking. Okay, so there was a tiny little hobble. Just a tiny one. But the stinging sensation was totally gone, and I wasn't going to laze about so people could stare at me, morbidly fascinated, and whisper gruesome little stories about how many people had died just strolling on the beach.

Well, actually, I think the other guys didn't actually know it was me, and were just coming to make sure I hadn't disappeared. They _knew_ some poor dude had stupidly stepped on a wet jellyfish, but, well, it was a total shock when they learned that that poor dude went by the name of Duo Maxwell.

See, this is how it happened. They kind of amble over, carrying their surfboards, and then, they see me, limping, with at least four or five people anxiously running around me, asking me if I needed help or something.

Yep, that gets them on the alert.

And then _they_ get some people circling them, apprehensively assuring them of my good health, and Heero's face starts darkening like a thundercloud.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to bang my head into a wall or go looking for that ostrich job.

So, I walk towards them with just the barest difficulty, and they all begin to brew up a storm like you've never seen.

"You were the one who got stung by a jellyfish?" Quatre asked fearfully.

"Yeah." I tried to grin, to put on my soothing act for them, but they were having none of it.

"You almost died?" Heero demanded.

"Uh…" Okay, this was a pretty sticky situation. How do you lie about things like this without lying?

"My foot is _fine._ It was just a small shock, that's all."

"Then…all that talk about the guy nearly dying…" Heero crinkled his brow.

"They're true. His heart damn near stopped."

_Shit! That was not how I wanted to break it to them!_

I glared at Ian, who had somehow come up without me noticing.

"Just a small shock?" Wufei asked, a little angrily.

"It was," Ian said, "it was the damn allergic reaction that nearly got him."

"Allergic reaction?" They looked at me.

I shrugged. _Hell if I know what caused it._

"What the hell were you doing in the water?" Wufei glared at me.

"For your information," I bit out, "I was two inches in the water, the jellyfish was damn near impossible to see, and I barely touched it."

"And you almost died." Heero said flatly.

"Yes," Ian said a little callously, "if I hadn't seen him collapse, you would be walking back to news of Duo's death." More than a little callously. I got the feeling he was kind of angry at them for not keeping me safe.

It was…chilling to imagine what would have happened if that little situation had occurred.

"I suppose it would be too much to ask if you guys could kind of _not_ fuss over me?" I looked at them despondently.

Trowa chuckled. "Duo, you just found the one mission Yuy here could never accomplish."

The rest of the day I just lounged right in the middle of the sand, away from any jellyfish, and always under their watchful eyes.

Quatre'd brought my buckets, and they even let me make trips to the damper part of the sand so I could make a wall that wouldn't just fall apart on me.

I was hit – more like pummeled – with the urge to sigh at least twenty times.

After a while, I got a truly evil idea. This would take some time and preparation. First, I built up a dam, three feet tall, twenty-four feet long. That took about two hours. Hey, I had the time. Why not do something with it? Then, I hunted up a nice long stick, and set up a poll. On the protected side of my dam, I scratched these words:

Who do you think is hottest, or, Which do you like best?

Please place your tally mark beside his title (only one per person is allowed and no erasing of other people's marks is permitted).

The guy with the gorgeous ass and ponytail:

The guy with the green swim trunks who moves like silk:

The cute blonde guy with a smile that could outshine the sun:

The guy with the spiky brown hair and body like a god:

DO NOT BREAK THE RESTRICTIONS SET

Please form a line here. -

I smirked demonically. The guys weren't going to be able to really read this until they got up close…I couldn't wait to see their faces.

I sat back and let the scene play out.

For the first few minutes, I only got a couple people scratching their answers with the stick I'd left, but soon enough, a huge crowd developed.

They actually conformed, for the most part, to the rules, though the line was pretty strange looking.

Slowly, the line grew shorter as every beachgoer went and nicked in their opinions.

Late afternoon, the line was finally gone.

So, I went on over there and laboriously counted each and every tally mark.

It was kind of interesting, seeing how people scraped their marks in: some were deep gouges, some were penciled in lightly, some were crooked, some were a bit wiggly, some were perfectly straight.

I wondered if there was a way to identify a person from their tally marks.

When I finished, the results were as follows: Wufei, with a whopping 724, Trowa, 646, Quatre, 645, Heero, 682.

I grinned. Damn, they were popular. That would be how many votes? Around 2700. Whoa.

Were there actually that many people on the beach? Apparently so. Well…it _was _a big beach.

Barely minutes after I'd laid back on my towel, the others finished their surfing, and came on over.

"Hey guys!" I waved at them energetically. "There's something you gotta see."

They followed me a little cautiously to the survey. There was a moment of completely and utterly shocked silence.

Wufei's eyes almost bulged out. "Seven hundred and twenty four! Who the hell set this up?"

"Me," I said cheerfully.

"You! Why?" He looked at me accusingly.

"Because I was bored," I said nonchalantly.

"Wha…why me?"

"I told you your butt could inspire armies," I said, grinning madly.

"Moves like silk?" Trowa asked me, lifting an eyebrow.

"You're graceful as a dancer," I told him promptly.

"My smile doesn't…" Quatre stammered, embarrassed.

"C'mon little brother," I rolled my eyes, "you could make us do _any damn thing_ with that smile of yours. And you know it."

Heero simply shook his head.

I laughed. "You guys are _hell_ of popular."

"The injustice!"

Whoops. Got Wufei started again.

I grinned at them. "You made me stay in the same place all day. Stands to reason I'd try to find something to do. Reap what you sow, they say."

Then I lunged at them all, and gave them huge hugs. "C'mon, let's go back!" I trilled, hyper as a kid on sugar high.

"Duo," Heero warned, "you're not supposed to walk on that foot…"

"I'm fine, dammit! And if you try to pick me up, I'll run."

He sighed.

I waltzed effervescently back to the hotel, singing like I hadn't sung since the war began. Joyfully, without a hint of darkness.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

I was almost quivering with anticipation. _Dolphins. I'm actually getting to see them._

For years, people had thought they were extinct, so that even the zoos didn't house a single one. It had almost been true. Before the underwater explosion that had nearly wiped the Pacific Ocean clean of life hundreds of years ago, they had already been extremely rare, barely seen except for special exhibits.

And because most dolphins were assumed to live in the Pacific, when all the other oceans had frozen to an almost arctic degree (scientists' answer to global warming backfiring), after that blast, it was thought that they'd been totally annihilated.

That assumption continued until a few decades before I popped into being, when some guy spotted a herd of dolphins somewhere in the Caribbean.

For a while, they'd simply thought the guy was nuts, until another dolphin sighting was reported. The SOWA, Save Our Wildlife Agency had gone a little crazy, and barricaded the dolphins away for a few years. People went totally wild. _Everyone_ wanted to see the dolphins. It was finally allowed, grudgingly, and the dolphins let free, though every single one was tracked like it had an explosive bomb ticking inside of it.

That's how we were finding the dolphins right now. The boat we were in had its sights set on a group of dolphins, that were thought to have just birthed a few baby dolphins, a couple miles into the open ocean.

The others were pretty excited about this too, but not as much as me. I mean, to me, dolphins were like the essence of the word 'miracle.' They'd _lived_, to put it simply. They'd inexplicably escaped extinction; they'd endured to become the most revered creature in the universe…I don't really know how to explain it. For me, they had a multitude of meanings. Perseverance. Survival. Peace. Happiness. It was, forgive my corniness, a dream come true.

We drew closer, and the guy brought the motor down to an almost inaudible hum.

"They're pretty friendly," our guide told us, "though not as friendly as legends say they were back before space travel was even invented. The dolphins then supposedly actually saved drowning victims or let people hold on to their fins."

_It's kind of sad. Not even the dolphins trust the human race anymore._

I caught the flash of silvery fins and my breath stopped in my throat.

The guide said in a pleased voice, "There they are. When we bring passengers out here, we always keep a supply of fresh fish."

He tossed one in. Then I saw the figure of a dolphin swimming up, and her head burst through the surface. For the moment, let's just call all the dolphins 'her', alright?

"Ohhh…" I reached out a finger, wanting to touch her, but she shied away.

"Here," the guide handed me a fish, "feed it first. It might let you touch it later, if you're patient."

I held the fish out temptingly, and her snout stretched out to take the fish delicately.

I suppose you could say they weren't as beautiful as some fish in the sea, but I was…enchanted.

She warbled shrilly at me, and I laughed delightedly.

"Another fish please," I said, almost bouncing.

I turned around, and almost dropped it. There were four dolphins staring at me. I looked around wildly for the other guys, to find them observing me with this amused, but fond, I hoped, tolerance.

"Go on, Duo," Quatre said. "Feed them."

"But what about you?"

"We don't mind just watching from a distance," Heero said, a strange note in his voice.

"Okay, if you're sure." I rushed to get a whole bucket of fish, and watched the dolphins gulp them down with an odd sense of euphoria. Babbling incoherently, Other Duo jumped around in the back of my head.

I think I fed them each about four fish, before three more swam up.

"There should be two more, if we don't count the babies," the guide said.

And then they were there. Two tiny miniature dolphins. My heart was practically thudding out of my chest.

"If they trust you to feed their babies, maybe you can try touching 'em." Advice from the guide.

Trembling, I dangled one above the nose of the smaller one, and he gobbled it up greedily. (The babies are guys now. So I'm weird. So sue me.)

Then he snorked at me. I giggled. I fed the other one, watching exultantly.

Finally, daring to touch a dolphin, I let my fingers trail along the head of one of the adults. She was smooth, cold, wet, and wonderful.

I stroked each of the adults, and they all stayed still, trustingly. I can't begin to tell you how I felt. Enraptured, maybe. And kind of…blessed.

Then I tried one of the babies. It let me gently brush its nose, before trilling at me, and disappearing under the water. The others followed seconds after that, though they gave me a show before leaving; jumping up to show their sleek bodies, before spiraling down out of sight.

I felt absurdly like crying. And like smiling.

That brief moment of…rapture was…intense. Maybe too intense.

I turned back to the others, and if they noticed a sort of wetness in my eyes, they didn't comment on it.

Heero wrapped his arm around me, comfortingly. We started back.

As the guide started the engine, and we began to move, sluggishly, several of the dolphins unexpectedly leaped by the side of the boat.

For nearly a mile they followed us, their bodies a perfect bow above the water, and I understood why some people called them the most playful creatures of the sea.

Then they disappeared, and for a second, I felt like jumping in after them. The feeling passed, fortunately, because I don't think Heero would've taken well to me just leaping into the ocean like that.

The trip back was a two-hour ride, and I don't think I said a word.

Near the end, I turned to Quatre and said, "Quatre, _thank you._ I can't tell you how much…"

"I take it I've just used up my quota of Christmas gifts for years?" he asked impudently.

"For the rest of my life!" I laughed.

"I've never seen that kind of…reverent joy on your face before," Wufei said wonderingly.

I wanted to share something with them, with Quatre, who made it possible, and Trowa and Wufei, who watched me so fondly, and Heero, whom I loved. And maybe a little because I didn't want them thinking me absolutely crazy for going all goo-goo-gaa-gaa like I did over the dolphins.

So I shared a little about my life. "Back on L2, when I lived on the streets," I said slowly, "and everyone around me was dying…I don't know really what I thought…" A tiny little grin. "But I kind of imagined, if I could touch a dolphin, maybe some of their…magic would rub off on me, and the people I loved didn't have to…go."

I looked up and smiled at them sadly. "But there weren't any dolphins on L2, and they…left." I was silent for a moment. "Now, though, you see, I have more people that I don't want to leave, so that's why it's such a…precious gift to me."

A bit of guilt sparked in Quatre's eyes, for bringing up such painful memories, I guess. "You've made me very happy, Quatre," I reassured him. "Very happy."

He managed a smile, and none of us said anything else until we docked.

Nobody really mentioned what I'd revealed, but I think they kind of knew how exceptional it was for me, for any of us, well, maybe except Quatre, to voluntarily talk about our past. We all knew that Heero had had some kind of almost monstrous training, and that something truly tragic had occurred to Wufei. Trowa and I were both pretty mysterious, and I doubted anybody knew that I'd been an orphan, and lived on the streets. Even I couldn't really get a clue about Trowa, though, but I know his past probably wasn't a real happy one.

That night, as we lay on the bed, Heero just held me close through the night.

The next day was our last day. We kind of moved lethargically through the day, unexplainably sad. The others didn't go surfing, I didn't go to play volleyball, and we all squeezed onto two towels, lying squashed next to each other for hours.

We'd actually gotten to be _regular_ teenagers - carefree, and _happy_. It was then that I realized how truly damn…unfair it all was. Why were _we_ the ones fighting the war? Why _us?_ I'd always almost taken it for granted, we were the Gundam Wing pilots, therefore, we fight wars. We had reasons, oh yes, but _why_ did we have those reasons?

Near the end of the day, I got up, and went to say goodbye to Ian, and Terry, and all the others I'd probably never see again.

Ian looked at me with the most wretched expression as I hugged him, and Terry swung me around in the air for a moment, before saying crustily, "I'll miss you, midget."

"Goodbye, giant."

I brushed the ruins of my castle with my fingers; I guess last night one of the waves had been larger than usual, and just washed half the walls away.

Too bad…I would've liked to leave some kind of memento, saying, "Duo Maxwell was here."

We headed back to the hotel, and packed. I had one souvenir. Wufei had come up to me, in the middle of the day, and just stuck a stuffed dolphin in my hands. It was…extremely thoughtful of him, and I'd wanted to bawl. I still haven't gotten around to thanking him for it.

A cab drove us to the spaceport. We were leaving for a different world, L4, this time.

We still got a private spaceship though, not one of those commercial kinds. Quatre had really gone all out on this trip, I guess.

But he and Trowa still had one more surprise for us.

When we had settled into the central cabin, Trowa suddenly asked Heero, "Could you get your lab top out?"

"All right." He pulled it out and turned it on, staring at Trowa inquisitively.

Then Trowa pulled It out. It was one of those new high-tech cameras, so tiny you could just tie them to your wrist and people would think it was nothing more unusual than a small watch. They had a memory card in them so small it would just fit on your fingertip, and could store so many pictures I didn't think you ever had to upload it. And its zooming and focusing abilities were beyond amazing. The thing must have cost a damn fortune. It was meant to be more of a…security camera, I think, and only somebody with extraordinary hand-eye coordination could even think of trying to take pictures with the thing without being able to see what they were focusing on.

"Trowa!" I gasped. "What the hell? How many damn pictures did you take of us?"

"A lot," he said ambiguously.

When I glared at him, he said ingenuously, "I wasn't counting." A pause. "A lot."

"Why the hell…" Wufei asked.

"Don't blame me. It was all Quatre's idea. Though," Trowa added after some contemplation, "I can't say I didn't like it."

He attached a cord to Heero's lab top, fiddled around a little, and then clicked through some screens that went by too fast for me to really catch anything.

Then we got to the first picture. It was of Quatre, who was looking at whoever took the picture lovingly. Three guesses at who he was and the first two don't count.

"Trowa…" Quatre blushed.

"Like Duo said, you reap what you sow," Trowa said imperturbably.

I don't know _how_ many pictures there were. A hell of a lot more than a few hundred, for sure.

Here was one of me ready to pounce on a laughing Wufei.

And another of Quatre smiling up at the sun.

Me snuggling into a gentle looking Heero.

Trowa holding Quatre.

Wufei grinning at something I couldn't see.

My castle.

The guys surfing.

Quatre, hunched over, a determined look on his face, riding a wave.

Me running along the waves, my braid flying behind me.

Me staring up at a wave with a devilish grin.

Heero hugging me.

Wufei with his arms extended, an expression of concentration across his face, leaning to hit a volleyball.

Heero and I sharing an ice cream cone.

Quatre slurping up a bit of mint chocolate that trickled down his chin.

Me staring into Heero's eyes and his smile captured on film.

Wufei stretching.

Heero with me in his arms.

Quatre jumping up to hit a volleyball.

Quatre with his eyes closed on the bed.

Quatre posing in front of the mirror.

Wufei cannonballing into the Jacuzzi.

Heero staring down at my head as I cuddled into him with a strange expression.

Quatre nodding off in the hot tub.

Me with my face pressed flat against the glass of the aquarium.

The hammerhead shark inches from my face.

Quatre eating his fish.

Wufei eating his crab.

Me poking at my jellyfish.

Heero looking at something off screen tenderly.

Quatre offering a piece of fish to the photographer.

Me with Trowa's prawn speared on my fork.

Quatre smiling.

Wufei laughing at me.

Me laughing at Wufei.

Heero walking.

A lot of surfing pictures.

Heero on his surfboard in the water.

Wufei retying his ponytail.

Quatre wiping the bangs from his face.

The dolphins.

Me with the dolphins.

Quatre smiling a little sadly.

Me with an almost radiant look in my eyes.

Me petting the dolphins.

Heero yawning, sleepy-eyed.

Wufei looking up into the sky.

This was just the tip of the iceberg. Trowa picked pictures at random…I have no idea how many we missed. I think it'd take us a month to get through every single picture. Who'd have thought? Trowa, the photographer.

After about an hour of silence, he closed the file.

"We can print out a few pictures later," he said. "Oz already has a pretty good idea of what we look like, and it's not like they can break into our Gundams without setting off the self-destruct alarms."

I thought about that. It would be…extremely comforting to have their pictures with me in Deathscythe. Yes, I'd like that. Very much.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Quatre and I hunkered down beside the truck, waiting for Wufei. He'd been gone for a little while, and we were starting to get worried.

In the silence, the faint popping of gunshots reached our ears. I swore.

"Come on!" I grabbed Quatre and we raced down the street.

Turning the corner, I got a gun stuck in my face, and without thinking, I squeezed the trigger, my finger already tense from the sounds of approaching footsteps.

The guy gave a funny little grunt before bringing his gun down. It was Wufei.

I almost fainted with horror. I was totally paralyzed, and it was Quatre who flew to him, asking him where he'd been shot.

"Upper thigh," he said tightly. "Not arterial, I think. Maybe a little nicked."

"Oh Gods," I moaned.

"02! Get a hold of yourself!" he barked.

"'Fei…I-I…"

Quatre came over and said sharply in my face, "02, move! We have company. Get in front. We're going to the empty house on 4th street."

I responded like any good soldier would to an order in the face from a higher ranking officer, which Quatre was at the moment, and ran ahead, letting Duo Maxwell fade away in favor of the cool, clear mind of a fighter.

Quatre covered us from the back, picking off the guys running after us. Our group's sharpshooter, he was deadly accurate with any sort of projectile, and where he aimed, he hit.

We all had our little areas of expertise in battle. Heero: hacking or anything involving mechanics. Me: stealth and explosives. Trowa: something that required great balance or daring stunts. Quatre: assassination jobs (usually) or more political jobs. Wufei: anything that needed hand to hand combat.

I noticed Wufei falter, and not letting myself remember why it was he was stumbling, gave him my shoulder as support.

I took the most winding route, the most indirect, in the hopes that if we led our pursuers around in enough circles, they'd just give up. At the least, they shouldn't be able to figure out exactly where we were headed.

Finally, we lost them, because they'd grown so fearful of Quatre's shots, they didn't even dare to poke their heads around a corner just to have a bullet split their skulls.

I took us through the backyard, and picked the lock on the back door. It was ridiculously weak. It took me nearly three minutes to get through it, my hands were shaking so.

Almost falling through the door when it opened, I turned and literally picked Wufei up to lay him on an old, decrepit couch.

"Gods…" My hands flinched from touching his wound…there was so much blood on his leg.

Quatre shoved me out of the way, realizing, I think, that I was totally incapacitated, and got rid of Wufei's shorts.

I almost threw up.

"He's right. It's not an arterial wound. Give me the medic pack." He held out a hand, and I scrambled to get it to him.

I couldn't do a thing…my hands were shaking like I had the ague and I was thoroughly beating myself up over everything I'd done wrong, namely, shooting Wufei.

When Quatre finished wrapping the tourniquet, he turned to me, and said, still with that authoritative stance that totally dominated me, "Go talk to him."

I walked numbly over to sit beside him.

He looked at me a little woozily, from the painkillers Quatre had managed to give him, and I couldn't have opened my mouth, I think, even if there was a freakin' lobster inside scrabbling to get out.

"'twasn't your fault, Duo," he said, slurring his words a little. For a moment, I all I could think, bizarrely, was, _he called me Duo._

"I shot you." I finally heard the words out loud, and then it was all I _could_ hear. "I shot you, 'Fei. I shot you, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you. I shouldn't have done that. I should've kept my finger from the trigger. I shouldn't have shot you."

My little mantra, and I couldn't stop it - the blood was just seeping through still, and on the floor, little pools of dark, coagulating blood, and I was just about to lose it.

"It _wasn't_ your fault," he insisted.

"It _was!_ _Nothing _excuses shooting you, any of you guys!" I cried.

"_Nothing!_" I threw something at the wall…I'm not really sure what it was. "_I could've killed you!_"

Quatre ran in at the clattering noise. "Duo!" he said. "Stop it!"

"I'm sorry," I moaned. "So sorry, for everything."

"Wasn't his fault," Wufei said fuzzily to Quatre.

"It wasn't your fault," Quatre related firmly. "Your instincts kicked in before your brain; it happens to all of us. It's saved all our lives before. The circumstances were unfortunate this time, that's all."

"I could've killed him," I said again. They just looked at me. "Why aren't you understanding?" I cried, ready to rip the hair from my head. "This isn't some small thing; this is, this is…"

Quatre suddenly said, "Go to sleep. Wufei's barely keeping his eyes open and you need the rest. I'll take watch."

"No…we said we wouldn't-" I objected.

"I'm _not_ going to let you stay by yourself for hours tonight," Quatre said firmly. "Go to sleep."

"No!" All of a sudden, I was just terribly enraged. At what exactly, I couldn't say. "I'm staying awake." I lifted my chin intransigently.

"Duo…"

"Stop it! I'm the reason we're in this damn mess! If anyone should be pulling an all-nighter, it should be me!" I shot up and started to prowl around restlessly.

"Duo, sit down," he instructed steadily.

"Stop! Stop giving me orders like I'm your, your damn servant!" I hadn't really meant to yell at Quatre, and I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth.

Quatre looked like I'd slapped him.

"I'm sorry, Quatre. I didn't mean that." I just collapsed onto the floor, and stared up at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry. I'm such an asshole," I said bitterly. "First I shoot 'Fei, then I get mad at you. Obviously something wrong with me."

"There's _nothing_ wrong with you. Stop blaming yourself."

"_Stop blaming myself?_" I laughed dismally. "For what? Something I _did_, maybe?"

"Duo!" Quatre shouted in my face. "I've had _enough!_ It was _not_ your fault, so shut up and stop it!"

"But it _was_ my fault" I said in a small voice.

He took a deep breath, then said calmly, "_You_ are going to sleep. Now. Tomorrow _morning, you_ will wake up, and _you_ will talk to Wufei. _He_ will pound some sense into your head. _Is that understood?_"

I opened my mouth, and he said, "Before you _piss_ me off." The narrow-eyed look told me that I'd already failed at that and I decided not to push it.

"Yes sir," I said defiantly.

Then I settled down to pretend to sleep. He might've gotten me to agree to letting him take the watch, but there was no way I was going to enjoy the luxury of rest while he didn't. Or chance having a nightmare that'd scare him out of his mind again.

I thought I'd fooled him until he said, very quietly, "Duo, if you don't go to sleep right now, I will go over there and knock you out myself."

Obstinately, I didn't move, but didn't follow his order either.

He got up, walked over, and I didn't actually believe he'd do it until I felt a pressure on the back of my neck.

"_Quatre-_" I began, and he pressed.

I think the Dreammaker must've been an extremely depraved little man. I sort of have an image of a short, balding little man, beady little eyes, and the most annoying high-pitched giggle…that's the kind of guy who could send me my nightmares. He must really have a field day with me.

This night, I killed Wufei. The shot went high, and took him right in the chest. He gurgled at me with the most horribly _betrayed_ look in his eyes, before collapsing, his blood pooling all over the sidewalk. Then, something truly _ghastly_ took hold of me, and I turned my gun on Quatre.

I struggled back into unconsciousness with the image of his blue eye exploding.

When I finally managed to get my breathing down to a point where it didn't sound like I was hyperventilating, and checked and double-checked that they were both alive, I decided I was _very _unhappy with dear little fucking Quatre.

"If you _ever_ try that again…" Glaring at him, I pulled myself into an upright position.

He met my eyes contumaciously. "You needed sleep. And you deserved that."

The air between us crackled with unspoken anger.

Wufei shifted on the couch, and our attentions were diverted from each other. However, he appeared to still be sleeping, so we relaxed.

Nothing passed between us, and we refused to look at each other and the air was about trembling with my anger and his stubborn set of his mouth. That continued until Wufei woke.

When he saw me, the first thing he said…can you believe it? The first damn thing he said was, "It wasn't your fault."

Everything just kind of…exploded out of me then. "The hell it wasn't my fault! Stop lying to me!"

"I'm not lying," he said reproachfully. "If I'd walked into a gun in my face, my first reaction would've been to shoot as well."

"But _you _didn't shoot when I nearly walked into you! You held yourself back…you controlled yourself," I said, anguished.

"_I _didn't have a gun in my face," he growled.

"It shouldn't make a difference!" I cried.

"It damn well _does_ make a difference. If I hadn't messed things up and been noticed, none of this would've happened!" He said, punching the side of the couch.

"Everybody messes up every once in a while," I snapped. "Your mistake was forgivable, mine was not."

"It would only be unforgivable if you had shot with the intention to kill, knowing that it was me," he said viciously.

"I should've known! I should've known that the first person we'd run into was you!" I exclaimed passionately. "Gods, 'Fei, I did so many things wrong! I should have waited by the car when I heard the gunshots, but I was afraid you'd gotten hurt, and I just took off! I should have thought things through! I should've known it was you! I should've established it was you before just going and shooting!" All the 'should haves' burst out, and I shook my head furiously.

"Gods…I was…I was such a damn freakin' _idiot!_" _You were…kind of. You still are, _Other Duo agreed.

I think they both tried to say something right then, but I kept going, the words just kept pouring out. "And then when I realized…realized I-I'd shot you, I froze! I _fucking_ froze! I was totally useless! I just stared while Quatre acted so…so much better than I did! I couldn't do _anything_, just listen to him, and I was the one who'd shot you…" I looked at him miserably.

"Maxwell…for Christ's sake…just…come over here, alright?"

He clasped my arm in a hard grip, pulled me down, and growled in my ear, "I forgive you, alright? It was never your damn fault in the first place, but whatever you think you did wrong, I forgive you."

"I _shot_ you, 'Fei." I replied almost incredulously. "_That's_ what I did wrong."

"Duo," Quatre said from behind me, "remember, I almost killed Trowa, as well."

"That's totally different! Remember, Wing Zero, hello? It wasn't you who did anything."

"If we think about it your way," he snapped, "then the whole thing was my fault because I should've been able to not let it get a hold of me, or I should've been able to fight it."

I wasn't convinced.

I could see him visibly trying to control himself from rolling his eyes, and he attacked from a different angle, appealing to logic instead of emotion. "Put it this way, trying to control your instincts is just as, if not more, difficult than fighting Wing Zero."

"But…" My resistance was weakening. That was kind of strange. I should've been able to last for at least a week.

"And when you shot Heero, you _knew_ you did what you had to do? Why are you beating yourself up so over this?" Wufei asked.

"I…shot Heero." It'd never really hit me that I'd pointed my gun at him, and let loose with a bullet. Not only once, but twice. The color drained from my face, and I was pretty sure that I was gonna collapse at any moment. It was like they'd been damping my fire slowly, but surely, and then they'd stoked it up again with about half a gallon of gasoline.

"Oh, for…"

"See! I must have some…some curse or something! I've shot two of us now! Soon enough, I'll probably end up shooting you, Quatre, and it'll be fatal!" I was pretty distraught by now. _Oh gods…I already did. Oh gods oh gods oh gods OH GODS!_

Wufei slapped me on my cheek.

I stopped, staring at him, mouth open.

"Maxwell…_calm down._"

"I'm sorry, 'Fei," I said miserably.

They sighed.

"Let's change your bandage," Quatre said.

"Can I help?" I asked timidly.

"Of course. Get some new gauze out, and pass me the antiseptic."

I passed them to him docilely, and forced myself to see how badly I'd hurt Wufei.

Pretty badly. I swallowed. Just a centimeter closer to his artery, and I would have killed him. _No, remember, you already did. _I forced down a hysterical chuckle.

"I'm sorry, 'Fei."

He groaned. "Shut up already, Maxwell! Are you trying to irritate me to an early grave?"

Quatre said quickly, "Wufei should be strong enough to pilot Shenlong in about four days, we can go back to the others then."

"Okay."

_Can you go without sleep for four more days? _Other Duo wondered. _You've already skipped two nights of sleep, for this mission._

_I'll manage, _I snapped.

And I tried to. I really did.

I didn't sleep the next day.

Quatre and Wufei had sort of given up on persuading me not to blame myself, afraid, I think, of triggering another panic attack like they had when they mentioned me shooting Heero.

All day, whenever I looked at Wufei, I got the most horrid feeling…I felt…_damned._

I'd shot him. And not only in my dreams. For real. What kind of _person_ does that kind of thing?

The nightmares caught up with me the day after. During my watch, at night, I nodded off. It took me completely by surprise.

The dream had…evolved, I guess. It wasn't just Wufei and Quatre now, but I ended up destroying Heero and Trowa as well. Destroying? Guns, explosives, bombs…it shocks me how creative I can be in my dreams. And the details were jarringly fine and sharp, by the way.

I think…watching somebody who was me and yet, not me, drill Heero with holes kind of…drove me a little, crazy, I guess.

When I woke up, it was bare minutes before the sunrise, and I can't even begin to describe what I was feeling. I wasn't quite in my right mind, anyway. Sleep deprivation – or the closest thing to it, anyway…my own screwed thinking…sanity wasn't really high up on my list at the moment.

About the other guys…oh gods…how could I ever face them?

I didn't know if I'd ever be able to work with explosives again without thinking of Trowa being blown up, or Quatre walking into a building that was suddenly set on fire. As for guns…I shuddered.

I realized, with a kind of despair, that I might never be able to soldier again.

Then Quatre woke up, and I pushed those thoughts away.

_No more sleeping, _I resolved.

Again, I kept that vow for all of two days.

Quatre and Wufei were getting a little…nervous.

They saw the circles under my eyes, and my mind was getting kind of hazy.

I'm not really quite sure what I was thinking.

And when Quatre tried to convince me to leave early, to Heero, I'd grown so agitated that he hadn't dared ask again.

Even through my drowsiness, I felt so goddamn _guilty_ over what I'd done to Wufei. It had become a habit, now, to tell him, "I'm sorry, 'Fei," whenever something made me remember that I'd shot him.

He always sighed, or groaned, or did something of that variation.

The times my mind cleared up a little, I berated myself furiously for worrying Wufei and Quatre so, and tried to walk with a little less…drag in my step.

One of those times, Wufei told me, I think, in a last ditch effort, to make me give up my burden of guilt, "Maxwell…whatever wrong you think you've done me…your slate's wiped clean. You and the others are honestly the only people who've ever made me feel like I belonged. Do you think I would care about a stupid little flesh wound so much? What are you beating yourself up over? Where's the Duo Maxwell I knew?" He looked me straight in the eye, serious and grim. "You have not…fought this - at all. So you messed up. So what? Everyone makes mistakes," and it liked it was killing him to say the next part, "even I have made mistakes that make myself hard to live with. But you cannot allow yourself to be debilitated in such a manner. It is not worthy of a Gundam pilot." His voice hardened and softened at the same time. "It is not worthy of you, Maxwell."

His words pulled me from the tunnel I'd been walking in. I'm not really sure why he'd gotten through; perhaps it was just the rarity of having a heart-to-heart with, of anyone, _Wufei_. Perhaps he'd just picked a good time. But after his equally piercing stare and words, I just kind of stepped back, kind of held myself out, twisting this way and that, and well, I'd really been kind of overdoing it. Not to say I won't feel guilt till the day I _die_ over that split-second moment, but what was I doing? Shouldn't I know that absolution isn't received by the guy who whimpers and wallows, but the guy who stands up, blows all his enemies to fucking hell, and makes the world a better place?

And then I realized I was going to be beating myself up again, so I just…stopped. I'm a procrastinator of the worst sort; I'll sort my feelings out tomorrow, I think, and then tomorrow comes, and I just can't bear to open up that can of worms, and so I wait for the never ending tomorrow that never comes. But it works, okay?

Anyway, I think Wufei and Quatre were just so damn relieved to see my back to normal, and I'm sure Wufei gloated privately to himself that it'd been him who'd pulled me out, that they almost never mentioned the incident again.

By the time we'd gotten back, Wufei'd almost completely healed, and if Quatre'd told them truth, or made some bull story, I never asked. Like I said, I'm the 'tomorrow procrastinator.' But perhaps I'll ask Heero sometime. When we're twisted, cranky, bald, old men and we can laugh at how trigger-happy and idiotic we were.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

It seemed likely that the war might just be over soon. Maybe I was just being optimistic, but some of our missions were so…I dunno, definitely missions we could never have even _thought_ about trying when Oz was at full power.

Like this one. We were supposed to sneak into Oz's _most_ heavily guarded building that freakin' has more guards in it than an entire continent on earth, and steal some of their files. Jesus. We could never have attempted this a year ago. Even now, all five of us were required. And I can't believe I'm saying 'all' and 'five' in the same sentence.

And where were we supposed to go undercover? Another freakin' high school. Yippee.

I just don't get it. The people here are just freakin' crazy.

We walk through the cafeteria doors that first morning, every single blue, brown and green eye focuses on us, and I suddenly feel like I'm in the middle of a damn feeding frenzy. And guess what? We're the main course.

Apparently, the thing _this_ school prides itself on the most are its _dances._ Hell, hell, and another hell.

It was simple for Quatre and Trowa. Trowa just pulled Quatre close and damn near looked like he would clean the clock of the first person who even dared to look at him funny.

I swear, you could actually hear the indistinct sigh that rolled throughout the tables.

Well…two of the fish just got away. Guess who that left?

Wufei, Heero, and I all edged closer, trying to present a united front.

It didn't work.

They just wouldn't take a hint. The dances here…they were about as important as your graduation ceremony. You never, _never_ skipped one, come hell or high water.

And you know what?

They freakin' posted lists of the twenty hottest people on the student bulletin board. It was like a matter of principle for every damn person to give a try at any one of those…and if you could claim, like, number two, or number three, your prestige shot up for miles.

Anybody who got number one was immediately queen/king of the freakin' high school.

And guess who was number one. Was it Wufei? No, he was three. Quatre? Nope, four. Trowa? No, five. Fourth and fifth highest even with their 'taken' status. Pretty damn good. And Heero? No, strangely enough. He was number two.

No…number one was…of all the freakin' damn people, freakin' _me! _

What the hell was _wrong_ with these people? Of course, it might've been that freakin' half the damn school was gay…and I guess I'm the type they like. Unfortunately. Jesus Effing Christ.

I was totally swamped. And Heero and Wufei were only a little better. It was totally trashing our plans for our mission. I had to freakin' employ every single bit of stealth knowledge I had to just sneak us out at night to check out the damn building.

It all came to a head when I got cornered by a zealot of Duo fans, who seemed convinced that if he, yes _he_, could only manage to give me a freakin' kiss, I would fall in love with him. Just like that.

I'd had enough. Freakin' enough.

I hoped Heero wouldn't kill me for what I was about to do next. Staring distastefully up at him, he was practically _slobbering_, I told him very, very composedly, "One inch closer and my boyfriend will fry your balls in oil and feed them to you."

That caught him up short. "B-boyfriend?"

"Jalen Hashikawa. I'm sure you know who he is." I brought up two fingers and pushed his head away from mine.

I'd thought up the names this time, because, well, Heero was absolutely horrible at thinking up last names, which I'm sure you're aware of, and Wufei wasn't much better. Trowa just kind of mixed up letters of his last name and his first name and got the _oddest_ combinations, and Quatre never could seem to decide on a name at all. Gods…we are all so freakin' screwed up.

Jalen means bird of light. Hashikawa, just a name I picked up from somewhere. Something to do with bridges and water. Better than Lowe, anyway.

Wufei's name is Corbett Wu. Corbett meaning black raven, because of his hair, and Wu…well, I got that from Zephyr. I still think about him every once in a while, you know.

Trowa's Marlon Bratton. See, I used his way to make his last name, just switched a letter here and there, and nobody'll be able to get Barton from the thing. Marlon…wild falcon. Noticed a pattern yet? You got it, my theme here was _birds._

Quatre I called Gavin: little hawk. And I was Galvin: sparrow. I'd decided that we'd go in as brothers…Gavin and Galvin McMurtry.

McMurty from Terry. I really do miss the big hulking guy sometimes.

I didn't tell the other guys what the names meant, but, as totally paranoid Gundam pilots, they all checked up the names, and I think they rather liked them.

When Quatre found out I'd signed us on as brothers, he was literally moved to tears. I can't believe that the guy who could just buy about anything could be so damn happy over one miniscule little name change.

Silly Quatre. Solo would've liked him. Would've made all his protective instincts go fuzzy. Quatre just seemed like a dewy-eyed sort of guy you couldn't help but want to be a pillow for - to cushion stuff, not the other thing. Well, that is, if you didn't know him too well anyway.

Okay, back to the guy standing in front of me looking like I'd just dropped a bombshell on his foot.

"You…you've never shown _anything_!" he bellowed alarmingly, and I got the feeling I'd just popped his little fantasy bubble.

"_We_ were trying to be discreet," I informed him remorselessly.

"Oh," I added, with a pitiless smirk, "and Corbett's taken too. Got a childhood sweetheart back home, couldn't sway him from her with hot irons."

Okay…not necessarily true, but I give myself a tiny bit of leeway when we're going undercover. Otherwise I'd never even get through the door. And the part about the boyfriend was _almost_ true. Completely true, according to Quatre.

Boy, am I on a roll or what?

He left, looking so goddamn _crestfallen_, I actually started feeling pretty bad myself, and by the time I'd dragged myself to class, was wondering how I'd ever come up with such a crappy idea.

I mean, Heero's _boyfriend?_ He was going to _kill_ me. Totally eviscerate me.

I started running. By the time I reached Heero, I'd worked myself into such a state that I was convinced death was too good for me and I'd be lucky if Heero didn't hold one of those dancing-on-your-grave grudges.

Heero looked up, startled, at my disheveled skidding stop, and I just gasped desperately, "Jalen! Gods, I'm so sorry!"

"What's wrong?" He stood up, letting his book drop onto the seat beside him.

I scurried over to hiss in his ear, "I told them we were boyfriends! I'm sorry! It just popped out! I couldn't think of anything else!"

Drawing back, I looked down at the floor, as mortified at myself as if I were a well-trained dog that had just peed on the carpet.

He was silent, and I just _knew_ he was resisting the urge to throttle me, so I said hopelessly, "It's alright. You can just tell them I was kidding, if you want." I gave him a…not very convincing prankster's smile.

"No…it's okay, Galvin." There was some kind of indefinable tone of his voice. Maybe he always got that tone when he wanted to kill his best friend.

"It's okay!" I was totally flabbergasted. "But, but…I-I just told them we were…y'know, together!"

He gave me a little eye-grin. "Hey, it's better than having them follow us around all the time."

"So, you're going to _go along with it?_" I was past flabbergasted and working myself up to a this-has-got-to-be-a-dream feeling.

"I will," he said, _not _sounding like he was jesting with me. At all.

"Oh," I squeaked. "Oh, okay." I probably looked totally flummoxed.

He chuckled at me. He _chuckled! He chuckled!_ He…he…_chuckled._

I couldn't help it then. Everything just freakin' flew out of my head, and I jumped him, hugging him like I'd never let go.

I brought a finger to his mouth, and touched it lightly, saying wonderingly, "He-_Jalen_, you _laughed_."

He did it again. He chuckled. That sound that just made things inside of me clench and do the strangest things. I couldn't stop my next words any more than I could keep myself from hugging him. "I love your laugh."

Oops. That was _too_ close. Too close to those three words.

I really, really hoped he couldn't hear 'I love you' in my voice.

He just stared at me, dumbfounded, with this _light_ in his eyes, and I grinned at him a little weakly.

Our moment was ruined by shrieks, and I whirled, wondering where the fire was.

…On us, it seems.

A whole crowd of thwarted looking people charged at us, and Heero whipped us around, keeping his body between them and me. Stupid protective tendencies.

Then he gave them a glare that just froze them in their tracks.

Okay, I _liked_ those glares.

"So it's true?" a girl asked in a wobbly voice.

"That Galvin's _my_ boyfriend?" Heero asked savagely. "Yes."

That tone of voice kind of surprised me.

"So," he continued, "anyone who so much as _touches_ him in a way he doesn't like will answer to me." How he could manage to sound pissed off, in total control, and ready to rip the balls off the next person to speak was totally beyond me.

Wow. He just freakin' slipped into the role of boyfriend like it was made for him.

"And that goes for me too." I gave them my most fiendish look, though for some reason, and I never said this, got that, _never_ - I got the feeling it wasn't half as effective as anything my cough boyfriend could do.

They slunk away, and I felt like cheering. In Heero's eyes, I saw the same gleam of satisfaction, and said, "Well, guess being boyfriends was a good idea after all, eh?"

"Yes, a very good idea." He eye-smiled down at me.

So, that was that. We were officially together. Uh…I mean, not like together beyond our roles, just in school.

The creepy thing, though, was that we didn't even act really different. After that first moment of shock, it was like they thought every move we made just screamed, 'He is my boyfriend!'

Our casual hugs, the way we stuck close together, how he spoke softer to me than to anyone on campus…which is totally acceptable for best friends, you know? O.D., stop snickering at me. I call Other Duo O.D. now. It's easier.

Well, Heero did make it a point to keep his arm around me almost excessively, and I tried not to stray far from him. Those were the only concessions we made, but they were more than enough. Nobody was going to even _try_ to break us up. We were, according to them, 'so fucking in love that it was scary.' Well, they can go to hell.

Everything worked phenomenally, except for that one little snag we hit. Or rather, I did.

"You bastard!" Wufei slammed me into the wall, looking at me like he hadn't since those first few months.

"_What?_" I gasped, mystified.

"What the hell were you thinking? Why the _hell_ did you tell people I had a childhood sweetheart?" He was practically gnashing his teeth.

Okay, that kind of piqued my anger. "What the hell's wrong with you? I did it to help you, you asshole!"

"Help me? How the fuck does that help me?"

Jesus, he was _mad._

The other guys were around us now, and trying to make Wufei calm the hell down.

"What the hell…I thought you didn't want all those damn girls around you!" I shouted.

"I don't!" he snapped. "Did you go snooping around in my background, you bastard?" His fingers were grinding my shoulders against the wall and I was sure my collarbone was going to pop any second.

"What the hell are you _talking_ about? Snooping around in your background? You know I wouldn't do that!" I was pretty pissed off by now.

He looked at me intently for a moment, and then, just kind of seemed to sag.

When he let go of me, I winced from the sudden pain that flooded in from my shoulders. Ouch. Wufei _is_ pretty damn strong.

I looked at him and cringed again. His entire being seemed to be caught in this _bleakness._

"Corbett…gods, whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry." It was obvious I'd accidentally brushed on a pretty touchy subject…like me and the church.

"I need to be alone for a minute," he said abruptly, and strode away.

A _really _touchy subject.

"Well…I screwed _that_ up," I muttered.

Five minutes later he walked back in, and just seemed kind of dispirited.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I overreacted."

"It's alright, man," I shrugged, "there's just some things you _can't_ do." I grinned at him a little sadly. "Guess I stumbled on one, eh?"

"It's just that…" he trailed off, and I kind of knew that he was preparing to tell us something really big. "I did have a childhood sweetheart. She died. Along with my colony." He said it detachedly, and for a moment, I couldn't reconcile the words with the tone.

_Oh gods. I really blundered upon a Maxwell Church kind of thing._

"I'm sorry," I said, horrified. "I'm so sorry, if I'd known…"

"But you didn't," he interrupted sharply. "It just kind of…hit me where I didn't expect it."

Now I felt totally conscience-stricken. "Oh gods…and they'll all be talking about it…I'm so sorry."

I looked at him wretchedly. I knew how it felt…oh how I knew how it felt. Those first few weeks, when there was nothing on people's mouths but the massacre, I'd come close to the point of murdering someone just because they said the words, "Maxwell Church." Even afterwards, when the pain had kind of been pushed away to the back of my mind, I couldn't hear them without being struck with a fresh sense of loss. And guilt. And as for the plague…that one nearly broke me.

"I can deal with it," he said, "It's been years."

"But it _never_ fades away!" I cried without thinking, and the anguish in my voice shocked me. "Even after all that time…" I whispered.

He looked up at me, and I could see a sudden, surprised understanding fill his eyes. Then his face kind of crumpled along with mine, and we totally bawled in each other's arms.

After ten freakin' years, a damn decade, I finally cried for the massacre and the way everybody I'd known had been ripped away from me. Twice. And in front of the other guys, who were probably flustered beyond belief to see two of their comrades suddenly take a dive at each other, only to start sobbing.

Ostrich, here I come.

It was a short, and almost violent storm of tears. When we were done, we were just wiped out. Who knew crying could be more exhausting than running thirty miles? Dammit. What's happening to me? Where's the tough guy I knew? Oh, he was in there somewhere, but for some reason, with only people I trusted around, I couldn't seem to summon up the effort to drag him out.

"Her name was Meiran." It didn't really quite seem that he was talking to me, or to anybody, but just letting the words go…kind of like when I talked of my nightmares.

But I couldn't say it. I couldn't let them go yet. Because, unlike him, I'd played a large role in their deaths, and one I was doubtful to ever forgive myself for.

So I said that instead. "It was my fault." A whisper I don't think anybody heard.

Then Heero was picking me up, and Trowa Wufei, and we got deposited in our respective beds.

Wufei was absolutely aghast at the bruises he'd left on my shoulders.

Heero wasn't really all that happy either, and he'd sent Wufei some black looks before I could stop him.

But, hey, aside from that, things went on without a hitch. Our mission didn't seem quite so much like mission impossible anymore, after we thoroughly investigated the Oz building. They had holes in their security big enough to squeeze buses through. Guess the war was really taking a toll on them.

The dance took us totally by surprise. We freakin' found out the day before the actual event that we were supposed to dress in tuxes and come in limos and all that garbage. They did that for _every_ dance? What freaks.

And it's not like we could skip it…that would be like writing all over the sky that there was something odd about us. I mean, even odder than we already were. Our motto during undercover missions was 'Do not stand out. Too much.' We followed it best as we could.

We rushed around to get our limos and tuxes in less than twenty-four hours, and only by the grace of Quatre's money did we manage it.

We got out of school early that day…an extra three hours for the girls to primp and fluff.

I just took a shower, had Heero comb and braid my hair, the perfectionist, and was done. Heero showered. I really tried to get his hair a little less disorganized, but it just kind of…sprung. Whatever. We'll just say we're going for the natural look.

Not that it mattered, anyway. He was devastating. Lots of girls and guys were going to be totally heartbroken when he left.

The limo ride was kind of…tense. I was scared frozen stiff, if you want a better explanation.

But then he put an arm around me, and pulled me in, and I couldn't help but relax. Heero's hugs always melt me like putty.

And we arrived. Can you believe this school has their own dance floor? Like a building reserved _only _for dancing. How freakin' obsessive is that?

As we walked into hell, a thought struck me. "Hey, Jalen, do you know how to dance?"

It would be…interesting, is the mildest word I can put to it, if he didn't.

"Yes."

"You do?" Well…that was a revelation.

"Just in case of formal gatherings," he explained reservedly.

_Oh._ I smothered a laugh. _God, but J really has the most bizarre way of thinking. He teaches Heero how to dance but doesn't tell him how to deal with girls._

"Um…I'm not really all that good at it…learned a little when I was small." At the church, when Sister Helen was in a merry mood.

"If you want," he said stolidly, "we can just sway to the music and try not to step on each other's toes."

"Huh." I raised an eyebrow.

"It is an accepted practice."

"Oh." I cheered up. "I think I can avoid stepping on your toes at least."

It was…tantalizing, dancing with Heero. It kind of seemed like one of our hugs, but…not. And when he looked at me, he had the strangest little fire in his eyes, that kind of frightened me, and kind of…aroused me. I wondered what he was thinking of.

We only danced through about three songs, before it was became almost excruciating not being able to at least caress some part of his face.

It was almost a relief when he called a stop to them, but there was also a distinct feeling of regret involved.

Quatre and Trowa danced for nearly two hours, before finally taking a break. Wufei…heh, the guy just ignored any invitations he got and stared at nothing, munching on crackers. He seemed kind of distant, and I guessed he was thinking about Meiran, but there wasn't that air of tragedy around him anymore. Even if he had been just as embarrassed as I had over our impromptu sobbing fit, I think it had done something good for him. It _had_ dredged up memories I'd rather not remember…but I guess that's all right. The pain is something I should be used to anyway. Like taking bitter pills.

The climax came at midnight. Do all their dances go on this long? I wondered how they got up the next morning.

Yeah, so, anyway, apparently, at midnight, they have one of those bothersome things that some people call _traditions._ This one wasn't any less maddening.

The kings, or the queens, or the king and queen, whatever, they could be the goddamn monkeys for all I cared, of the dance share a kiss. In front of everybody. Guess who were the kings? You got it! Me and Heero. Number one and two.

Okay, so we got a little uneasy when the clock hit five minutes before twelve, and we were suddenly the center of attention.

Then, some people steered us forcefully to the middle of the room, right under the gigantic disco ball, and just stared. There was this petrifying feeling of _anticipation_ filling up the room, and I had no idea what we were supposed to do. Heero was expressionless. Guess he'd pulled his mask back on.

Or, at least, I didn't have any idea until ten seconds before the chiming. The chants of "Kiss, kiss, kiss," kind of clued me in, though.

Hit me like a freakin' thunderbolt. I was only able to mouth wordlessly at Heero, '_What the hell are we supposed to do now?_'

He gazed at me impassively for five entire seconds, and I was having a full-fledged panic attack, before mouthing back, '_We kiss.'_

_This_ thunderbolt just totally undid me. When the clock struck, I was still gaping soundlessly, even as he brought a hand up to my cheek, leaned over, and pressed his mouth to mine.

It was…_electric._ Involuntarily, my eyes closed and I gasped, my mouth opening under his. Hesitantly, he swiped his tongue across my teeth, and my knees buckled. O.D. yelled, _Kiss, you freakin' stupid idiot!_

It was kind of weird, something going in to my mouth that wasn't supposed to be chewed and masticated and eventually swallowed, and kind of awkward too. But this was Heero.

So, tentatively, I began to kiss back, and his hold on me tightened. His tongue probed at me a little more boldly, and I really thought I was going to die soon. I think I moaned his name, and he shivered.

Shyly, I licked at his tongue, and his arms tautened around me like steel, before he actually groaned, and started to kiss me a little frantically, a little desperately. I was just totally lost in that kiss. I could only respond, and moan into him, and he took complete control. This _was_ my first kiss, remember?

I didn't ever want for it to end. I simply forgot about everything, that there were actually hundreds of people watching us avidly, and that this was all a ruse to keep other people from getting suspicious, and only thought of Heero.

Well, thought so far as I was capable of thinking.

When he finally pulled back, slowly, so slowly, still lingering a bare centimeter from my lips, and panting lightly, I was almost afraid I would weep from the loss.

He looked down at me, with this extraordinary _longing_ in his eyes, but I was too stunned, and bereaved, to even think about understanding it.

His eyes were staring straight into mine, and I drowned in them, drowned in the blazing emotion that overwhelmed me.

Unexpectedly, there was cheering, and our eyes snapped over to the crowd applauding all around us.

"Man, that was the _fucking hottest_ kiss I've ever seen!" Someone shouted, and there were hoots of agreement.

Well…they certainly know how to ruin a moment.

Dazedly, I wondered how Heero had learned to kiss so well, and had to still a smile. I could just imagine that totally deranged old man that was his mentor, and who, by the way, I wanted to stick into a blender for putting Heero through such an atrocious training, putting on some kind of freakin' slideshow, describing to him how to kiss…maybe even bringing in test subjects. Because it obviously wasn't _Heero's_ first kiss. That kind of made me a little wistful.

Heero's face was back to being totally blank again, and I wondered if it had really been that repugnant for him. I wondered why that thought hurt so much.

He shoved us through the crowd; I just sort of let him cart me along with him, my legs still pretty wobbly.

Then we were outside, and I shivered at the sudden reversal from pretty damn stifling to the breezy night air. A puff of wind passed over me briskly, trying to cool my heated body.

Neither of us said anything for a while. I remembered the feel of his lips on me, the way his arms clutched at me, and the warmth of his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he said.

_Eh?_ That one kind of left me at sea.

"I know you probably didn't want to do that," he clarified.

"Huh? Why?" were the only things I could force out of my mouth.

He just looked at me with that what-kind-of-baka-are-you look on his face I hadn't seen for a while.

"It's alright," I grinned up at him hopefully, "that was a _great_ kiss. Best one I've ever had." _Only one I've ever had._

Something in his face seemed to darken, and I wondered what I'd said wrong.

"Hey." I reached out and tugged his hair gently. "Wanna go back now? I don't really feel up to facing them all right now, do you?"

He shook his head.

We _walked_ back, didn't take the stupid limo.

We both seemed kind of introspective, and stayed quiet through the walk till the next morning.

Quatre gave us some sad looks, which I totally did not understand, but didn't tease us. I was surprised at his restraint.

I locked that kiss away in my safe of memories.

It was my moment of heaven.


End file.
